GordonFreeman

No. She does have many great qualities outside this situation and basically everything but this has been great. I just want to make sure I’m reading the situation right and not jumping to conclusions or being irrational.

I think she does have self esteem issues. But as for the question about if the roles were reversed, that is all true. I have been there before, sexually harassed at work and the last thing I would do is want to be friends with them. Even the part about wanting them for a mentor is confusing. A real mentor would never do that. When we did talk about the lunch she was extremely defensive and kept making it about me not trusting her. I think if everything was innocent and she just didn’t realize how much it hurt me that she was going out to lunch with him it would be really easy to say “sure, I’ll never do that again, I’ll just call if we need to talk about work, sorry my bad” But I could tell she did not want to say that. In her defense I initially got pretty upset and said this is something I would break up over. So I can sort of understand her hurt feelings as well. And she hasn’t really done anything else to make me doubt her honesty. That is not a good threat to make I just didn’t know how else to tell her this was serious. She obviously didn’t get the message the first time I told her I didn’t like her being around him outside work.

Well she didn’t say I couldn’t go on the wine trip, she just knows I don’t drink and figured I wouldn’t have any fun anyway. I guess I could tell her I’d like to go, but I really would rather not go lol

Yes she is. He is double her age.

Appreciate the feedback. I probably should’ve ended it after I heard about the lunch thing but She for sure knows where I stand in things and what I find acceptable. So I guess we will see.

Why would she tell me about all of this if she was having an affair with him? Tell me about the letter and then about how she invited him to lunch.

This boss is retiring in about a month but will stay on as an as needed basis to help her with her job. So I was hoping it would go away.

I’m not so sure, why would she be making vacation plans with me for next year and talk about moving in together. It certainly doesn’t seem like she is moving away from me. I’m just getting a lot of gut feelings that are not so good. Generally that doesn’t happen without a good reason.

She did report the initial letter to HR but refused to give it to them when they asked for proof, so I don’t think any disciplinary action came from it. That also seemed very odd to me. she is chasing a career and is a very very amiable person, she will avoid conflict at all costs. As far as I know she has not accepted any gifts since we have been together, but they were more than just a pack of pens or a candy bar, they were substantial gifts and she did accept several I know for sure. So after all of this yesterday she said out of the blue she is going out of town on a trip with her girlfriends to tour vineyards, basically a drinking vacation. Her friend said partners were welcome but I wasn’t invited or even told about it. Again, just seems odd…normally she invites me to just about everything, so when I’m not invited on purpose it raises my attention.

Hello 👋 Ive been dating my gf for about 7 months now. So far things have gone amazingly well except for one major issue. When we first met she constantly spoke so highly of her boss and how great of a mentor and teacher and friend he was. She spoke so highly of him at first I really was looking forward to meeting him. Well one day after we had been dating for maybe 2 or 3 months she let me know he had written her a love letter a few years ago and has actually been sexually harassing at work. He even divorced his long time wife right around the same time he gave her this love letter and this divorce is a secret she is apparently keeping with him from other co workers. Anyway, she claimed it is no longer an issue and has set really good boundaries with him and worked really hard with her therapist to forgive her boss. I don’t think the boundaries are working very well because even up until we started dating he was still asking her out to dinners and giving her gifts and commenting about how she looked when wearing short dresses to work, creepy *** like that. So the issue is, I don’t really feel comfortable with her going to social “work” functions where they are alone together. And I wouldn’t think she would feel comfortable doing that either. I thought we were clear on this but….the other day she went out of town to get her car fixed, to his home town, and decided to invite him to lunch to talk shop while her car was being fixed. I was stunned by this. She insisted she still wanted him to be her mentor and she wanted to be friends with him. I don’t understand how she could stand to be in the same room with this person let alone desire their friendship. A mentor wouldn’t sexually harass their mentee. I told her I’m not comfortable being in a relationship where she pursues a friendship with this man. A strictly professional relationship is fine, but inviting him to lunch on her day off without telling me is not ok. Am I overreacting? She hasn’t given me a reason to not trust her besides this episode with the boss. My main point when we discussed it was that I felt hurt she went and did this without thinking at all how it would make me feel. She was hurt because she felt like I did not trust her. Honestly I don’t trust the boss but I’m confused why she would put herself in a situation like she did.