libra

1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

Agree.  My dad raised a family of 5 on a retail career with a high school education.  For 50 years.  Hard work, hours, dedication, and lots of love.  So don't diss a retail/service career; he has to be willing to put the work in.

Fully agree. No disrespect at all to retail/service, he just seemingly hasn’t taken advantage of a career path yet- his choice, not the fault of the industries.

1 hour ago, Crawfords Wine said:

Personally, I'd let this dude go.
You're only 25, and you'd be setting yourself up for some tricky challenges if you move forward with this relationship.
I'm by no means saying that a 'youthful mistake' ought to define the rest of this man's life, but the capacity and the potential of violence is a red flag.
For it to be a felony charge, it has to be more than just a bit of a scuffle between two peers. 
Somebody, presumably the other fella, got really hurt.

Knowing that, will you be able to -especially as a DV survivor- ever completely relax and feel safe around him? 
When he's had a drink or two, or when he got a rollicking at work, or when something else yanks his chain?

Both retail and the service industry can provide long and prosperous careers, for those willing to put their head down, do the hours and start from the bottom up.
Your boyfriend will have to be patient, humble and hardworking to prove to employers that he has truly learned from his past, and is determined to make better choices.
It's been 7 years since his conviction, what has he done to positively improve his life, his prospects and his outlook on the future?

My apologies- I meant to indicate that none of the jobs he’s worked so far have been opportunities he’s seemed to take advantage of to build a career (which could fully be on him), no disrespect to service or retail employees by any accounts. To be truthful, I don’t have enough details about what actually happened to constitute his arrest or conviction. All I know are the details I provided, and that the other student was 17, not yet 18. The whole things seems strange to me- I’ve been keeping some level of distance to try to make a level-headed choice. Thanks for your input. 

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) of about 3 months is a felon. When he was 18 and a senior in high school, he got into a fight with another student. Family of the other student pressed charges, he was convicted and served a brief jail sentence (not prison) of about 3 months. This was his only offense. I don’t want to jump to any conclusions, but in the time I’ve known him I haven’t seen any indicators of recurrent violent behavior. I’m a survivor of domestic violence myself so I try to be heavily discretionary. My question is- am I absolutely crazy for entertaining this guy? (Complete honesty is encouraged). He’s expressed a desire to get to know me and take this seriously, and so far everything between us has been fine. However, he’s struggled with finding gainful employment as the result of his background. He can find lower wage jobs in the service industry or retail without too much difficulty, but nothing that constitutes a long term career so far. Is this something that will affect me long term if I choose to pursue this? He’s a nice guy, and doesn’t seem to be a repeatedly violent person or like he has set himself up for a life of crime due to his previous mistake. But I’m not sure if this should be a dealbreaker due to possible continued negative repercussions. 

I (23F) have been dating someone (29M) for about 7 months. Now, I am absolutely crazy about him- but there’s this one nagging issue that I’m unsure is normal or not. He’s extremely looks-focused, even indicating that my appearance is one of the biggest reasons he wants to be with me. Which, inherently I don’t think is wrong- attraction is very important in a relationship and it boosts my confidence that he’s so crazy about my looks- but it’s the extent to which he takes it that makes me feel a little undervalued for who I am. He likes to shop for me and help me pick outfits, he encourages me to diet and we joined a gym together- all of which have been with the intent of being helpful and healthy, which I do not mind at all. But- part of me worries that he doesn’t value much about me beyond that. He makes jokes about my intelligence, calling me ditzy and airheaded (it’s pretty lighthearted, but still), a lot of “at least you’re pretty” jokes. He doesn’t have much interest in my job or hobbies, and thinks many of my personal tastes are “dorky.” He also makes comments about other women that are a little disparaging (i.e.- we were talking about Stranger Things and I mentioned how I think Winona Ryder gives an incredible performance. He laughed and said he can’t get over how unattractive she is now compared to how she used to look. I said, regardless of whether you find her attractive or not, can’t you acknowledge a compelling actor? He said no, that “hotness” was his metric. I personally think Winona is still beautiful BTW). We were also discussing how a friend of his is being treated quite poorly by a woman he’s seeing, to which he emphasized “I can understand putting up with someone’s nasty behavior if they’re really cute, but she’s ugly.” I said that someone should have enough self-respect to not put up with abusive behavior no matter how attractive the person was- he just laughed. (I should note- his ex-girlfriend was legitimately physically and verbally abusive toward him, so I think there’s some underlying trauma). He has told me that my prettiness is his favorite thing about me, and looks are one of the only things he truly compliments me on. However, I should note that he’s also extremely obsessed with his own looks, paranoid about aging and coming up on 30, grey hairs, etc. -should I be concerned that he’s so appearance-focused, or should I just write it off as a bit of projection about his own insecurities (perhaps him complimenting me the way he himself wants to be complimented), and take the compliments on my looks as flattering and harmless? Is it partially just that we’re still a fairly new couple and the honeymoon hormones haven’t worn off?