Guyonajourney

I mean not explicitly. But I’ve tried to organise dates recently etc and shes seemed keen then changes her mind. She said this previously - I just know that I’m definitely not ready for anything serious with anyone. I’ve been enjoying this time on my own and I’m not ready to give it up”

Guess so. If someone really wanted to be with you they would. I’ve heard that a million times just don’t know how true it necessarily is. A lot of people want time to themselves after break ups (I am still in the headspace of enjoying my own company and looking after myself but happy to date) She is very much the same, we broke up with our exs at around the same time. Since we started speaking shes not dated anyone else or spoke to anyone else

Yeah that makes more sense. she does though, she cooks for me and always makes first moves. Soon as I walk in she’s cuddling me kissing me. She initiates 80% of the contact. And why does she say things like “you are boyfriend material, maybe if this arrangement works out we’ll be able to date again” is she just trying to keep me on a hook?

Its not funny. I’d rather we dated than just this FWB crap. Its all fun and games but theres no substance and I’d much prefer to go on fun dates and see where things go.

To be totally honest she could easily be a future partner of mine, I say potentially due to my current feelings and her current actions. She ticks all my boxes apart from this nonsense about not wanting to date. dont know if I quite understand the analogy. Surely the more time you spend together and during that time she acts like a gf is closer to a relationship that it isnt? I’ve probably misunderstood

Maybe you are right and I’m just lying to myself and thats why I am here trying to get some of my thoughts out haha

She’s actually a sweet girl and we get along very well. When we spend time together it does feel very “relationshipey”. But yes contraception always used.

I guess so. I means he has potential to be a really good partner but I’m not really in the market for that just yet. I wouldn’t rule it out if it ever came to it though. But as you say FWB/situationships are temporary and either fizzle out or one person catches feelings when the other isn’t ready.

So an update as it has been nearly a month. A day or so after the last comment (7th Jan) she called me to say she doesn’t know if this is a good idea. I agreed and said lets call it quits. She seemed pretty shocked at how easily I agreed and said “is that all you have to say?” I said, “yes, no hard feelings, all the best” A week ago she replied to my instagram story “I miss seeing this big hunk”. I replied “I bet you do”. She followed up with a phone call and wanted to catch up so I thought okay, we had dinner at my place and of course it escalated to sex again. From then we’ve seen each other 3 times (only in our homes and not dates). She basically acts like a GF when I’m there. Has asked me to be “more lovable” and told me “you have so much control over me”. (Because of the good sex?). She says weird stuff like “I know you’re already in love with me” which I instantly shut down and say nope we’re just friends remember? We aren’t texting regularly at all either. Recently seen her on the weekend there, lazy day. We got food (I paid and not sure if I should have?), chilled & watched movies and then had sex multiple times. She asked me to help with some DIY she couldn’t do herself. She also asked me to get her water and do this and that to which I replied “no, what did your last slave die of” she said “dont be mean”. I still didn’t do it. I suggested a dinner date purely to make it feel less like I was using her, she agreed and said “that would be lovely” and the day before she cancelled saying shes still “not ready” the usual bs excuse. She said “we agreed what this was and it always reverts back to you wanting to do things and go on dates, if that’s what you want you need to find a girl who will actually appreciate it because right now thats not me”. She did open up the other night about her ex and how she basically mothered him and she’s traumatised from it. Its just interesting that she initially rejected me as dating potential with the most common, bs excuse of not being ready. Now we are FWB and she’s tossing out these “maybe when I’m ready..”, “you have so much control over me”, “you’re bf material”, etc like she’s trying to keep me hooked? If she wanted to be with me surely she’d be with me NOW. Enjoying how I make her feel, but she wants the freedom to explore? my feelings are in check anyway and I enjoy the regular sex but shes texting me with these comments and the way she acts.

Very true. I have accepted what she said as I am not begging her to date me or act a certain way. Maybe I’ll decide that I no longer want this situationship before her. But agreed, she was really into me at the beginning as I didn’t need to question anything, thats how it should always be. Not this wishy washy nonsense. Although, she has been texting me more regularly today.

As much as I appreciate everyone is looking for advice. Could you create your own thread rather than posting on mine as it gets a bit cluttered!

Hahaha I did laugh at that last bit about tea leaves. you’re very correct though, shouldn’t need to read signs as with someone who really wanted to it’d be obvious. It was obvious before she changed her mind and I never had to question it or read signs. Until she actually says yes, anything else in between means no. ill keep this page updated with any changes over the next little while.

I mean to be honest the sex is fantastic and we get on well. I guess there isn't much to “explore” but never know something could change and we both enjoy each other’s company. But her answers have changed to what they were the other day. She even admitted to maybe taking it a bit too far but then said “whats done is done”. I said people make mistakes and she stared at me and rolled her eyes and smirked.

Maybe you’re right but then I question why she asked lastnight “If I asked you now to be my boyfriend what would you say?”

It is an odd carry on. She said no to dating then lastnight said “we could again in a little while” and said “you wouldn’t want date me again anyway”. I said to her lastnight obviously I want to date you, but how it was before. We were just dating and speaking etc nothing official. But tbh I agree, I might just explore this for a while and see what happens.

You have a valid point. But I do prefer dating and doing activities and to be honest I prefer a bit more substance than just hooking up. but yes you are right. Either way, couldve completely stopped speaking but instead we have this weird FWB thing now. Take the positives. posted an updated earlier…. Was an interesting night

Has an ex but as far as I can see he hasn’t resurfaced. When im with her she leaves her phone in the room with me etc doesnt ever hide it either

We met in a bar so no hook up sites and we started dating right away and didn’t physically hook up until after around 4 dates.

Yes that makes sense. Its a tricky one as will never really know the answer.

Update - bit of a strange one. Went round and we made dinner then sat and cuddled on the sofa and watched a film. Gave her a few looks during it and she saying “what” and we were laughing. She then went to the kitchen to make something and came back and I said “rewind it I wasnt watching it” she said “what were you doing?” I said just on my phone…. She said “texting the side chicks” and laughed. This isn't the first time shes mentioned “side chicks”. So I thought this was a good chance to raise the issue. I said you’ve mentioned this a few times is it something that’s concerning you? Are you scared of being hurt or something? She said “well you never know what people are like but no thats not the reason, I just feel how I feel”. I said “okay well heres my stance, I feel like this FWB isn’t a good arrangement because I’d still like to date you.” She said “it was a mutual agreement to not date”…. No it wasn’t. She then said “just lets enjoy it like this for a little while and then we could think about dating again? I just feel like I put alot of pressure on myself and as time goes on the natural route is towards a relationship”. I said “theres no pressure and there never has been”. She then said “okay so if I said right now, I want you to be my boyfriend what would you say”. I said I’m not sure why you’re asking that as both answers could be wrong, but honestly- I’d say “lets keep dating for a little while longer and revisit the conversation. Considering we have never spoke about even exclusively dating I think going down a boyfriend/girlfriend route would be a bit soon?” She then laughed and said well luckily “I don't want anything serious just now”. I said well I think this arrangement is a bit silly, no texting and just randomly meeting but cooking dinners and staying over it seems more than FWB? I said, if you think you can keep me on the side whilst you play the field then you can think again. She then got slightly annoyed and said “im not doing that, I dont want to date anyone and I like spending this time with you.” An interesting part was when she said “you’d not date me again after this hassle I’ve caused anyway” She also mentioned a few times how her heads just a mess and a bit ***ed and it will fix itself Conversation basically ended there not really much of a resolution. Ended up in her bedroom and things progressed as always. It was about 10pm and i said, “I best get going” she said “thought you were staying?”. I said its not very FWB to do that. She said “stay for another 15mins then”, so I did and then I stupidly fell asleep. Anyway, woke up this morning and she was cuddling me and not wanting me to leave. Left and text saying I got home, she reacted to the message but didn't actually reply. the saga continues…..

very true. A lot of talking but the same message. She text me there saying “been thinking about you all day, see u soon daddy” like w t f ? 😂😂

Thanks for the advice. Yeah think I just need to be frank with her and lay the cards out.

For context this is what she said when she wanted to cut it off - “Over the last week or so I’ve been over thinking about things a lot and my heads a bit f*cked, I just know that I’m definitely not ready for anything serious with anyone. I’ve been enjoying this time on my own and I’m not ready to give it up, I think you’re a great person and have genuinely had so much fun spending time with you. I still very much fancy you and I maybe just need to get out my own head but I think to avoid hurting anyones feelings I need to end this now before out feelings get deeper. I feel really *** about it and know it’s completely out of the blue from me but I can’t help how I feel, I just know this is what I need at the moment.” But as I said, I’m going tonight and saying it straight. Will update later. thanks

I guess your right. Although I wouldn’t say I’ve demoted myself. She already said lets not date but I’d still want to sleep with her. She has always been free to do that though, we’ve never been an actual item. But tbh I was going to mention to her about sleeping with others and STDs etc. Maybe I’ll just say this when I’m with her tonight face to face. Either you want to date or we just leave this be because I’m not just going to be used for all the perks but with no commitment. I don’t understand why she still wants me to “fancy” her though if she doesn’t want to date. Still calling me “babe” and other names. Should I just be upfront and say its either dating or nothing and lay the cards out?

Hi all, Looking for some advice on this situation. Some context - M25 and F25, we’ve been casually dating for around 6 weeks, everything been going really well. Fun date nights, have stayed over at each others houses etc. Around a week ago on a date night I wanted to see where her head was at and if she was happy with how things were going as I was enjoying JUST dating for now and didn’t want to lead her on in any way. She agreed that it was going at a good pace and there were no pressures. Fast forward to Christmas time, she wasn’t texting as regularly but she had family from abroad over so I thought nothing of it. She mentioned that she wouldn’t see my before my holiday on the 29th because I was busy so I suggested the 2nd when I was back to which sh agreed. I then became free the day before my holiday so asked if she was and she said “that would be really good to see you” so we arranged a date, but then her mum surprised her and her family with a dinner etc so she couldn’t come (wasn’t really bothered as it wasn’t her fault). I said ill see you when I’m back as previously agreed, she said yes. On holiday a few days ago she messages me saying shes been overthinking a lot and needs some time to herself. I asked her if there was anything I’ve said or done and she said no, she said she’s feeling really weird in her own skin and can’t understand whats changed. Funnily enough she started taking the contraceptive pill and I’m wondering if its had an exaggerated her thoughts, I’m no expert I just know it does things to hormones etc. So I gave her space as requested and then the other day I messaged her saying happy new year and confirmed meeting today as planned. She then said to me she thinks its best we cut things off as she “doesn’t see a future in it” yet on our last date we agreed we weren’t thinking about the future and just going with the flow. She said she likes her own space and time etc (the usual stuff). She said “I feel horrible for doing this, I don’t know whats changed and I wish I could give an explanation.” I said okay, its your decision I’m not here to sit and change your mind. She then phoned me crying and saying sorry etc but she was still saying she just doesn’t see a point in it as shes not ready to settle down (even though I’ve never asked her to). We spoke for a bit had a bit of a laugh and I said well I’ll see you about then, left it at that and hung up. She then text again saying “sorry” i said its no problem. Then I jokingly suggested FWB. I said “if you don't want to go on dates etc lets just be FWB.” She said “that sounds complicated and someone will end up hurt” but then agreed to it. I didn’t actually expect her to say yes. She then said “if we’re FWB there needs to be rules like no texting all the time etc, if you were *** in bed this would be a lot easier”. She then went on to say “ffs im horny now” this was at 11:45PM. I jokingly Said “ill be 25 minutes then” She said “no way ur not coming round at this time”, i said “don’t you love the spontaneity?” She said “if ur coming round im in my pjs with no makeup on”. I said “that doesnt bother me” then interestingly she said “but i still want you to fancy me”. Anyway, fast forward I go round she cuddles me right away as i walk in, starts to complain about how shes feeling in her own skin and her body. We then go to bed she kept asking me to cuddle her and kiss her etc etc. It got to 2AM and she said “you’re staying over right?” I said I’d planned to drive home, she asked me to stay so I stayed the night slept together, quite intense. Woke up in the morning and she said “id make you breakfast but that seems not very FWB?” She then made and brought me breakfast 🤣. Since then we haven’t text constantly like we usually do but shes asked me to come over again today. Im honestly confused by it and wondering if i just go with the FWB and see what happens as I'm not really ready for a relationship either just now, albeit i do like her as a person and do see her as a potential partner. I know what everyone will say about FWB as its normally a recipe for disaster. But I’m wondering if shes started to catch feelings for me and its freaked her out and shes pulled this on me. She had previously said she was very guarded and working hard to get it down. Or maybe I’ve been too cold with my feelings? We have good dates etc but I’ve never spoke about me feelings or anything, maybe she thinks I’m not that interested?