Tabasco

Hey all, Just another story for you all to read and possibly give advice on. So here we go. By choice and Covid I have been single for the last 5 years except for a fling I had 1.5 years ago with someone in FL, I am in NY. I started a new job in September of last year. In that time I met someone at work that IMO is significantly younger than me, 18 years to be exact. I have a daughter and the age difference between the two is not very far off. I look young, however I know my age. Over the year she latched on to me as I am a pretty good person and like to take care of people. About 6 months ago she blew off a guy she was seeing for a short time and then at some point told me she has feelings for me. I told her she was brave to tell me these feelings but it would never work. She followed me around for all of the days after, and mind you I won't say I am not attracted to her. In fact she is extremely pretty ,very smart and she had some personal tragedies that she confided in me about. I was there, not romantic at all but I was there. I was just an ear and gave her advice. In that time I started caring about her. This went on for about 6 months. I knew she was having a great deal of feelings for me but I just for in my mind (morality reasons because of the age difference) didn't know if I could reciprocate. I pushed it off until I knew she would be laid off for 3 months. So we got together after she was laid off and I explained how much the age difference bothered me, she's in a similar age bracket as my daughter and to me that's just creepy. That's just not for me. So I rejected her and explained it's not her I was rejecting but all of the judgment that we would face if we went forward. She said she understood. The days that followed were very hard for me, and her as well. ( this is where I will get some judgement but we can't help feelings, feelings don't know time) After about 4-5 days after rejecting her I felt horrible, she was my friend in this time and more that I was ignoring . She was scheduled to work one day about 3 weeks ago so it was pretty uncomfortable but I tried making it easier. The feeling that I might of lost out on a person that really cares about me filled me so I asked her if she wanted to talk. She asked if it was an in person talk or not. I said preferably in person, she is very good with wearing a plastic smile. The next 5 days weren't an option, she was going to visit a friend in another state. But said we can talk after she get's off of her other job later that night. So she called me after she got off of work, and we dropped ( or should I say I dropped all of the reasons why not and said why yes). It was a very emotional and productive conversation that lasted nearly 8 hours. She completely melted... But then said she now has a boyfriend... I was like ummm it's been like 3-4 days how? She said she was really upset with how long she's had emotional feelings for me and how I hurt her and this guy just randomly approached her while she was hurt and kissed her and said she's now his girlfriend. I was like ok if that is what you want then I will completely respect your decisions and I always want the best for you. She wanted to stay on the phone until we both fell asleep saying everything I just said is making her body react in ways that she never experienced before, but she felt like she was emotionally cheating on the new guy and if we had this conversation in person she would have reacted with her feelings and cheated on said new guy of a few days... Ok good story... I didn't expect this at all. I talked to a friend of mine about this and he actually supported the idea of us giving it a shot. So I tried sharing that idea in a text and found out I was blocked... Ok, I get it. She is protecting herself and her new interest. Maybe it was best for her. So the next 3 weeks or so go by, I know I am going to see her today. So I say I'll just do my best to ignore her, continue on as if I don't know her unless she wants to talk. She see's me I see her and we both don't look happy, later I get a text from a co worker that has no clue what is going on that she wants to talk to me. So I say ok, I meet up with her and tried to keep it as I do with everyone I work with and said "hey girl what's up?" She says "can we talk?" I said sure. So we went somewhere that no one could here us talk. She apologized to me, and said she will be working there soon and didn't want to resent me or for things to be weird and that maybe we can talk again. I said I was confused, we had a really emotional talk until 5am and you melted, I melted and after I said I would give it a try you blocked me. She said it was because she was with someone at that moment, I said with someone for 3 days? It doesn't make sense unless you really like this guy if so that's cool with me I just had no idea I had competition and it was unfair to me to hide that. She said that she needed a date for a wedding and she knew with how things were with us that I wouldn't go so he went for it, felt I wasn't an option and maybe go with it. Said she doesn't trust what she would do around me even still, I told her that because of the situation I would never take advantage of her feelings and be selfish so if she wanted to go forward it was on her. She also said that she can't stop thinking about me and every time he tries to get physical with her she backs off and won't let him. We both admitted we hurt each other, me first her second. I told her that she knows I have very strong feelings for her and miss her. Eye contact was there with more that 75% of the conversation that lasted for about 30 minutes. She hinted about how she feels and I said ok, So why are you with someone but know the person you want feels the same and you feel it's wrong to be with someone else? She said she didn't want to hurt him, I questioned it saying I didn't understand her logic because I finally gave her what she wanted and then she blocked me, and that the guy she was seeing lives in a different state, she doesn't have to see him but she knows she will see me a lot. She said in all of this time we weren't honest (referring to me and my feelings for her the first few months) and asked if we could now both be. I said sure but this is on you, she didn't like that I said that everything was on her. I then said because of the situation I told her this months ago it was up to her to make the first move not me, it's not that I don't want to but I was always trying to be fair to her and respect her feelings and not take advantage of them. We pretty much left it as that, maybe I should have just kissed her. I will see her tomorrow. Of course there are a lot of details left out, but I wouldn't mind an opinion. Thanks all