gingerthumbs

Maybe irrelevant but we had more of an indepth conversation about exclusivity. She seemed willing to have it, willing to engage and said I was very hard to gauge. She also added that she doesnt want to sleep with anyone else and that she thought I did. Still, doesnt cease my worry for what may be (or may not be) to come.

Which response?

No. I mean fair play for assuming that (kinda) but me wanting to have a chat about what are we is not solely driven by her liaising with a past fling.

I have to admit, the whole you shouldnt have to have that conversation after 3/4 months because you should both just.. know is a steaming pile of excrement, I am sorry. That isn't the standard for every couple. I know I myself need a clear, sobre (this is my responsibility) discussion about are we labeling this? What are we? Do you wanna see anyone else? If you risk not having that conversation purely because you feel like leaving it up to chance and good faith, youre putting yourself and the other person at risk of being hurt. Also waffle, manipulating her behaviour? Huh, how so

I havent actually heard her introduce me while I've been there. And what she introduces me as when I'm not there I have no idea because I'm not there. Unless I ask a friend / her boss 'What does she say about me' I have zero idea. She's ultra reserved, ultra submissive in all ways and ultra hard to gauge. I'm gonna approach this conversation this weekend. I'll try and obviously do it face to face and slide it in, in a more laid back fun setting to make it not seem so heavy and serious. If She dodges, bats it back to me etc. I'm done and I'll let her know I'm dating site active again

Because as I've stated, it wasn't framed exactly as it sounds. She asked me 'do you wanna *** anyone else?' I said no She said 'yeah me too' Kinda piggybacking off my answer.

This is what I thought. If she continues to dodge the exclusivity conversation and her unwillingness to engage intensifies in the lead up to her and this 'gig', I can only sensibly assume that her reason, or at least part of it, is cos she wants to sleep with said guy again and in general, sleep about. That's the thing, we haven't said ' we are in a relationship now', so I don't feel like I know. I'm actually not the best at hints and implying and subtlety. I need clear communication and sometimes need clear direction.

Yeah and this 'overshare' was quite early on. bit of dual edged sword isnt it. its cool she felt comfortable enough to say that to me, but wildly blunt that she did so early on. we do yes. weve both said we should maybe limit our intake but yes, before we know where we are, we are drunk or having a few drinks. but yes, we have been together sober and its nice and chilled im just kinda looking over my shoulder, thats all..

I honestly dont have anything concrete or anything other than what I put. her telling what she did, how she did, to my face shows maybe some brute honesty. but still.. i wont be there, she may be drunk.. etc. I just think its a realistic and honest possiblity.. My friend thank you. I have already made a pact with myself this weekend that ill try to lightheartedly initiate such a convo. if its met with 'not now' or 'weve spoke about this', ill look elsewhere.

hi. ive been dating a girl for the past, say 3/4 months. Now I say dating loosely since we have not actually had a clear conversation about what it is 'we are'. in the last few weeks she has invited me to meet her boss. invited me to meet some of her friends. invited me to a festival etc, texts me everyday.. which is all cool. ive tried to initiate the 'what are we' conversation and tried to slide in the 'exclusivity' conversation, which resulted in her saying 'I dont wanna f anyone else', but kinda only after Id said the same and since then it seems like she dont wanna have the convo again. I do since I dont feel the boundaries are clear (she doesnt initiate many conversations. she just kinda sits back and waits for you to initiate). but I have a slight concern in the meantime.. she told me - well before she met me - she ***ed some drummer guy in a band and that she thought he was 'gorgeous'. this honestly made me laugh and didnt bother me much, but it does slightly bother me that the same dude is booked to play with his band at the venue she works at in the next 2 weeks. theyre playing last at night, shes in charge of welcoming the acts and being a host etc and it just makes me think shes gonna *** him again. am I wrong or paranoid for assuming this? and how do I approach this?