Ok- the synopsis- I met this woman in 2017, started dating in Dec of that year. We fell in love pretty quickly, she had ended a 7 year relationship about 4 months earlier that had been dying for some time. I had just lost an ex GF to a terminal disease about 4 months prior as well. Although we broke up before she fell ill, I stayed on to help take care of her from 2014 to 2017 when she passed. Anyway, my GF and I have been together for almost 4.5 years and had all the normal bumps in the road, we separated a few times for a few weeks twice in that time. About 2 months ago, I broke up with her over her emotional and substance issues(she sometimes blacks out from alcohol/THC recreation), saying that I could not continue with things as they were. We spent a few weeks apart, then tried to reconcile, which crash landed quickly, as there were still issues we both had separately and together. She started counseling for her emotional issues and is very bent on improving herself, and in my eyes is doing good. I have started my own journey of self-improvement and am doing well also. We reconciled again about 2 weeks ago and things have been much better, but there was something I could not put my finger on. I spent the night at at her house and this AM and she left for work early. I got a wild hair and......snooped in her bedside drawer(yes, VERY wrong of me, I know). In the back was a single Trojan Magnum condom under a piece of folded paper that looked brand new(btw that is my size too, IF we were ever to use condoms). We don't use condoms, never have, and this had an expiration of 4/1/2025. Trojans have a 5 year shelf life, so this condom was likely made in April 2020. It was on top of a box with some old condoms that expired in 2018(obviously from her ex, and they were NOT magnums). We have incredible sex and there has never been any reason for me to go outside the relationship and we have both agreed that we have never had better sex in our lives- this I believe. I have never had the desire, honestly, to go outside the relationship but I have had a few women cheat on me that I was supposedly in a long term monogamous relationship with(including the woman who passed above, rest her soul), so there are underlying trust issues.
I am at a loss with this, because although we were separated recently, there was frequent communication since we broke up, and there was only 1 weekend that I believe there was any chance of her hooking up with somebody. Add to this, she was visibly devastated by our breakup and I could see the weight loss, the stress on her, etc, and would not expect this from her, despite her problems.I was mostly ok with the breakup. She has a 14 year old son that lives with only her and he stays there all the time, so if somebody else were there, he'd know it and it might feel weird having me around again so soon after she had potentially hooked up. Since this condom was made in April 2020 and we have not had any issues since before the pandemic, I don't know how that condom would have gotten there before then 4/2020, so I don't know what to think. Yeah, yeah, I get it, we were "broken up" for about 7 weeks, but "together" for about 3 weeks out of the 7 and have been in close contact except for the 1 weekend mentioned above. She is not the type, I believe, to just go out and hook up- I am 48 and she is 40, and neither of us goes out that often, but the weekend in question she did go to see some live music with her best friend, who coincidentally owns a house next door to my GF.
I got antsy and freaked out and traveled to the CVS up the street from her house and looked at the Magnums there. The display looked somewhat barren and that CVS never has more than 1 person in it at a time and is NEVER busy at all. 2 out of 3 of the 3-packs of Magnums there had THE EXACT expiration date and they were at the front of the dispenser. I went to a few more stores nearby, unfortunately now sickly obsessed with finding the average expiration date of Trojan Magnums. All of them were January 2026 expiration and newer, which means they were made in 2021.
Is it a coincidence that the condoms a half mile from her house were of the EXACT same date as the one I found? And yes I know I'm an a-hole for snooping, but since my trust has been broken several times in the past and I though this woman was different, I am destroyed.I probably deserve it for snooping, honestly.
I am torn between confronting her which will most definitely permanently end the relationship and just ending it quietly and slowly. I am pretty banged up about this turn of events, but maybe I deserved it for my wrongdoing.
If we were "On a break" this would be perfectly within reason and I would have no choice but to accept it, but like I said, the only time I could see that happening was the 1 weekend in question. If it happened DURING the relationship, what would I do? Thank her for being considerate enough to have the guy wear a condom?
