I'm 38 and my last relationship was about 12 years ago. I stopped trying to find someone in my late 20s, I had tried online dating and that never went anywhere. Just moved to a new country and am okay at the language, not amazing. But I got interested in someone back in August, started up a friendship, within two months told her I was interested, got turned down.
That woke back up the side of me that wants a life partner, and I quickly realized I'm approaching 40 now, and need to get moving. So I started online dating, since between the language barrier and pandemic, it's been impossible to build any local friendships outside of work. Dating at work is also a non-option because of my company's policy, which forbids interacting with anyone outside of work. (I work in the schools, so this is mostly to protect the kids.)
In three situations so far - that friend back in August, a coworker around Jan/Feb, and now someone online that I've been talking with for a week - I've noticed overpowering anxiety. Some anxiety is normal, but this shuts me down completely. It tends to happen anytime I'm waiting for a response to a message... the more significant the message, the worse the anxiety.
The current situation with a woman online is that we've been talking for a week, have a lot in common, no shortage of things to talk about, but we're not perfect at speaking each other's languages. So in my message yesterday, I had said I wanted to visit France, but it would be more fun to go with someone. In her imperfect understanding of the word "someone," she thought I was saying I had a girlfriend, and asked if it was okay if she kept talking with me. So in my message today, I explained that it was a miscommunication, I didn't have a girlfriend, and I thought she was interesting and wanted to get to know her better.
Well, tonight I haven't heard back at the time she would normally send a message. It probably doesn't mean anything, but I'm sleepless with anxiety over someone I've been messaging for a week, because I'm afraid I've scared her off... despite the fact that this is a dating site and "want to get to know you better" should not even be new information. My mind just will not shut off. It doesn't want to go back to having no prospects.
I'm sure plenty of people have this same problem, any good ways you've found to deal with it?
