Fajar Dhani

I'm currently taking an online course, I should get my degree in a year or so. In the meantime I'm trying to startup a printing business while taking multiple part-time job. I do have some savings but if were to get married I would used up all of it and I'm not comfortable with that. Also, thank you for your input, I really appreciate it

Thank you for the reply, right now we are both 25 I did sometimes fear that I smother her with my problems, but the more I think back and reflects it doesn't seem to be that way. I've always had a problem seeking help to others, and even to her I usually put up a brave and strong front to not make feel to worried about me. I can't tell you what she's feeling about this and I don't know whether what I'm about to say is selfish or not. But during this trying time of my life I found that there are many people who care and willing to help me, I've just always been to afraid to ask, but the one person I actually ask for help and wanted to get help from just ignore me instead. I'm getting all the help I can get and slowly but steadily rebuilding myself, hopefully for the better. I just wish she was there with me.

I have been with my girlfriends for over 5 years now, and I truly believes that she is the one for me. We talked a lot about our future plans and of marriage and everything. Recently I just failed my college education. It is a huge shock for me, my last year of college was full of depression and stress. I also saw what it did to my girlfriend but I tried to put up a brave face in front of her, and she does makes my life brighter during those darker days. But, when the news broke that I failed, she appear to not be able to accept that at all. She acts like this affects her more than it did me, and honestly fells like she disregarded my feelings about this at all. When I found at I failed I looked for her seeking comfort but she just blows me off. I tried be understanding after that, because I kind of understand her feeling of disappointment, I gave her a bit of time to cool of, I was honestly hoping she would just vent out her frustration because not being able to talk her is making things a lot harder than it should've been. When we finally get to talk, I told her about my plans going forward, how I thinking of starting a business, looking for some part-time job and looking for an online course to get a degree. Even after everything, my plan is still to marry her someday. However, she won't accept that, she refuses to see the efforts that I've put through and just wanted the result. She basically asked me to marry her right now, which is impossible for me right now. It's not because I'm not ready, but I'm not financially stable enough to build a family with her. I tried talking it through to her, but she just won't listen. She told me that I just don't understand her side of the story - which might be true, but I'm trying to understand it while she just flat out won't listen to my side of the story at all. The hard part is when I tried to agree with her, I told her 'okay, I'll leave you alone until I'm able to marry you' but I told her there's a risk, I'm right now in a very vulnerable state. I told her I would push through my trouble and tried to find a solution, but if she wasn't there for me, then maybe the answer won't be her, and I might decided not to marry her after all. When I told her this, she broke down crying, saying that I don't appreciate all that she has done for me. I still love this woman very much, and I can't stand to see her cry, so I tried to be civil and calm her down. I ended up just going along with her way, but I told her I wanted to at least still be able to talk to her whenever I'm feeling down and needed support. Cut to a few weeks after our last conversation and she just basically started to blowing me off again. When I come asking her for support, she was either always to busy or seem uninterested with my problems. When I pointed this out to her, she lashed out at me saying that she don't want a relationship with me anymore unless I marry her. This is basically what our last conversation is, I haven't talked to her in a while. I'm now in a limbo, there's no doubt that I love this girl, and I wouldn't say that I've been the perfect boyfriend for her, I've done plenty wrong myself, but I've felt that I've always been there for her and this one that I needed her to be with me she wasn't there. I never wanted this relationship to end, but I've always thought if it ended we could still at least be civil to each other. We have a lot of mutual friends, so we would at least still see each other. But in the past few days she just refused to talk or even acknowledged me. I don't know if i wanted advice or if i just wanted some place to rant out my feelings, but I would appreciate all the help that I can get. Thank you very much to all that read this post.