ECP

I ended it because I felt like I was hurting her. ButI truly love her. I just didn’t seem to be able commit because I live with such guilt from my divorce like if I am happy and love someone else I am betraying my children. I know it’s an irrational thought but that was my biggest issue. Deep down inside I wanted to live with her and eventually marry her and she felt the same. I suppose I could use some therapy and I’m looking now. I’m hopeful that one day we can get back together. The drastic change in her is extremely unusual based on the person that I have know all these years. It was just a month ago she was crying in my arms. Scary to see such a change in her in short period of time. It’s very unlike her personality. Which of course makes it seem hopeless. I know from the way that she treated me when we were together that she really loves me. And I was speaking with her on the phone a few days ago and again we were both crying of course I was pouring my heart out to her and she was saying why couldn’t you say these things and tell me these feelings before why do you wait till we break up. So when I started getting the text messages from her which were very cold and matter of fact I was really surprised by the extreme change in her attitude. Knowing her it is very odd behavior. Maybe shes just trying to be strong. Maybe she’s hoping I will get some therapy to correct my behavior. I recently spoke with my children about my feelings and was actually shocked because they never even thought that way. They just want me to be happy. It was my own thinking. I put it in my head. I always seem to be more concerned about what everybody else thinks of her and I rather than what I think of her.

My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago. At the time we were both very emotional, upset and crying. She told me she loves me very much and wanted to be with me. Then we did not have any contact for about a month. When we did start texting again, she was very distant, matter-of-fact and cold. Which is a complete 180 from her. She is normally a very kind gentle and emotional woman. She tells me that she has healed herself and is moving forward. It just seems like such odd behavior for her because as I said it is a complete 180 of how she normally is. We have dated for 10 years. We did take a couple breaks in between at times but always got back together. I’m distraught because the break up was mostly because of me. I won’t get into the details of that but she was always very loving and caring and now she just seems the complete opposite and I feel hopeless like there’s no chance we will get back together again and I truly want her back in my life. I should say I am probably a bit older than most people on here. She’s 50 and I am 60. Although I am a young some might say slightly immature 60 and do not look my age. Our age gap never was an issue. We have a lot of the same interests. Music, hiking, dinner, shows etc. We enjoy a lot of the same things.