Silvolt

Yeah, we had a proper goodbye talk the other day because I was finished with hanging on, it was nice to stick up for myself a little bit and we both ended with I want you to be happy but I cut the hope of reconciliation because hanging on to hope does no good Had a good few days really since then, feeling down a little tonight but changed my flight back so I don't have to see her, just going to suck leaving a home a few weeks ago and coming back to an empty one, hopefully I can start new properly then

The 'break up' was for her 2 years ago but for me it was 2 years of trying and holding on to anything. I don't think she did anything maliciously but it definitely messed me up and made this way worse haha You're right, once she's gone ill have a few days of misery and force myself back on track, I really hope she becomes happy though so at least I've got rid of the selfish thoughts of only if she's with me

@Wiseman2 @Rose Mosse @Lambert I appreciate the input! Definitely will keep going with the moving forward, I am also doing therapy now as well because I'm guessing it's needed right now haha. Sadly I have to see her for two days when I return to the house while she moves out, but yes you're right with the fact she has been manipulative and used me the past few years, all the hope of one day it might work while she was dating without telling me and trying to move on but still contacting me, soon I'll be able to look at that for what it is! I'll definitely be focusing on myself, already feel a bit better for typing all this out and have had my first productive work day for a long time so thanks everyone

Thanks! Wise words haha, I definitely agree, it's just getting to the point I can put it in to practice, I'm always trying to do better now which is probably why I ended up being a huge emotional pillow for a year, but at least I know I'm a better person now than I was and I know the next relationship will be a great one, just not sure if the guilt will subside

Yeah I got all that checked, sadly the forgiving myself is the hard part. At least I can look at it like she can be happy in the mean time

I definitely regret it but I know what you mean, to be honest if the whole thing never happened I doubt I would have grown into the man I am now so you're right in that sense it was doomed. You're right but I was racked with guilt at that point and she had an idea so I wanted to come clean, the act itself and telling her was a bad choice. The worst part is it wasn't really sleeping with someone, it was me being black our drunk and a girl that fancied me for a while basically forcing herself on me while I was next to passing out. Her being very depressed living abroad, then a cycle of her being depressed and me being depressed because she was. That got fixed in the aftermath but yeah it wasn't the best start haha

I would say time as well... but you know its hard to see I made it worse for myself by hanging on to breadcrumbs for a year of more heartache, in the end I was just a mess and no one wants to be with a broken person anyway. Just sucks because each time I might start to feel better I let myself get pulled back in by hopes of reconciling one day. Knowing that if we met now it would work is one of the hardest lessons in life

Curious as to how others move past the feeling of guilt and regret that you made in relationships. I got with my ex after university, still a kid in my head really and we broke up after a couple of years since it wasn't working, I slept with someone else during this short breakup and told her when she wanted to get back together, obviously she was upset but then the two years of 'trying' but not trying happened... it was all a big mistake and I regret trying and not just leaving it. She never got over that (which is fine) but it ended up being two years of me growing, changing, falling deeper in love all the while she was constantly saying she would leave eventually... looking back it was a mistake for me to keep trying so hard, I've grown up a lot, pretty much into a great boyfriend but her love was gone. I'm just racked with guilt over what happened while we had our break up, constantly the thoughts of what ifs plague my head... She still cares about me, loves me (not in love) but I've slowly backed away for good because even though she doesn't see it, I've basically just been an emotional pillow while she moved on. Just wondering how you guys managed to forgive yourself for your mistakes because for me that's the hardest part about letting go... I've given up the hope that we will be together at least for now, hopefully soon I can get to the anger stage because I know she's done a lot wrong recently but sadly I'm not there yet... Any input is appreciated