CatOctave

Thank you all for the suggestions and help... I think I have a lot more processing to do. And need a lot more time away from him and reminders of him.

At least the second time around, he made it seem like it was due to an over-dependence on me for emotional support (which I disagree with--I feel like I was supporting him to the appropriate bounds of a romantic relationship). The first time, it was more tied to him worried he was having to hide aspects of himself/his life in order to avoid triggering/hurting me, and in return him feeling like I was hiding my pain from him. These were all things I was working on and have improved upon greatly, but I understand that it still may have been too much for him. I feel like the reconciliation was more due to his lack of experience and misinterpretation of his feelings. He used getting back together as a quick fix for the loneliness he was feeling. He admitted that he regretted it very much and was very apologetic. I will admit that the first break up did seem to be a lot about me. But he fessed up to his faults the second time around in a way that I feel is genuine. I recognize that I am probably blinded by my love for him, but I just can't see myself getting mad at him for what he did.

He did voice his concern and ability to handle my moods during that period, though we were able to work through it. He began seeing a therapist himself. I found him to be a really supportive partner. He's seen me grow a lot through the duration of the relationship, and ultimately was around to see me on the upswing in terms of my mental health. Ultimately, it was some conversations with family and friends in addition to a week or so apart while I was away on vacation with reflection that made him realize that a relationship wasn't in the cards at the moment. He hasn't denied the possibility of reconciliation in the future, and we ultimately decided not to go on a "break" so that he wouldn't feel the urge to work on and improve himself only for the sake of getting back in a relationship with me. I really do trust that he was honest about this. Which is why I guess I'm so stuck on this. He wasn't the best at communicating his feelings during the relationship, I will admit. Though I hoped that might be something we could work on the second time around. We're both pretty young (early-mid 20s) and are still learning a lot about relationships/ourselves. I definitely do see my denial/bargaining showing haha...

I don't really know how much I consider the first reconciliation as a "true" relationship attempt, though that could just be me being hopeful. It practically lasted 3 days and was more so him acting on impulse after feeling some really heavy emotions after the initial breakup. But I certainly see how this looks. My feelings are probably muddying up my view of the situation. Getting back together for that brief period really messed with my emotions...

I'm seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for my issues and have been for a majority of my relationship with my ex. I happened to have a really tumultuous string of weeks near the end of our relationship where I was in a really bad place mentally despite being treated. Lately I believe I'm on the right meds and am doing way better/am a lot more functional, especially considering the current circumstances.

My ex broke up with me late December. I have some mental issues (anxiety, depression, cptsd) that have been taking a toll on him and the relationship. And while he still loves me, the relationship was unsustainable for him at the moment, which I understand and respect completely. In addition to this, he's realized that he has a lot to work on himself about too and feels like he needs some time after getting in a relationship (with anyone, not necessarily me) again. After the breakup, we went no contact for both of our sakes in terms of healing. However, we decided to meet up a bit more than a week later just to exchange some items... The apart week was pretty rough on me, but I was able to manage and spend time with friends, work on hobbies, run errands, etc. I got pretty at terms with the situation and respected and understood his decision. If anything, I eventually felt rather calm. He on the other hand was having an especially tough time. Once we met up, we chatted, and he admitted that he regretted his decision every day and asked if I'd take him back. He said he felt like the logic of his reasoning for the first break up wasn't very sound. I spent time talking to him, asking if he was just feeling this way because break ups are difficult (this is his first serious relationship, we had been together for almost a year). He said that I made him happy and that he loved me and loved spending time with me. Eventually it got to the point where we were cuddling and kissing again. And I will admit, it felt really nice. I really wanted to believe that we'd be together, but deep down I did feel like he maybe didn't know what he needed or wanted in the moment. I still went on with it, possibly out of denial. The next day, we parted ways and decided we'd take a few days to think about boundaries and figure out where we're at. We spent this time apart texting each other, and I again felt like everything might work out. I wrote a list of boundaries on how our relationship together might move forward. I saw a path forward. However, when we met up to talk about the situation, he eventually decided that we should fully break up again. It took a while and lots of talking to get to that point. Tears were shed. It ended up being somewhat mutual, however deep down I do wish and feel like we could have worked through the issues in our relationship together instead of apart. But I understand, he needs time and space to grow and figure himself out and develop friendships instead of being so reliant on me and the relationship. We parted, saying how much we'd miss each other, we have not spoken since. We both have been non-contact for almost three weeks now. This break up has been a lot more rough on me than the first. I'm now stuck with this feeling of hope that we might get back together again soon that I didn't have the first time. As time has passed, it has gotten easier and I've been trying to focus on myself, but I can't help but wonder and wish that the relationship really might be able to work out. I feel like I wasn't able to get all of my feelings out and wish we could talk about the potential for our future again. But I do love and respect him, so I want to give him the time and space he deserves. I told him I wasn't going to reach out to him again, and that he could speak to me when he feels healed/comfortable to, if he would like to. He's not totally ignoring my presence, he's been looking at my social media posts, but of course he hasn't reached out or anything. I want to keep my word and say that I won't reach out to him unless he contacts me first, but I feel like that may be a difficult promise to keep. I feel like we have a lot of potential together. Though I suppose if it's meant to be, it will be? I don't think I am ready to reach out yet, but if I get to a point where I am able to think a bit more objectively about the relationship, I feel like I might want to. I feel like I didn't get enough of a chance to express my feelings or fully understand his, which is leaving me wondering. A friend has told me that he's still struggling a lot, but that he ultimately feels like this is the right decision for him. I wish I could be there for him. We didn't break up because of any major incompatibility, which has just left me fixated on this though about the future. I've spent a lot less time thinking about it, but it is a thought that still crops back up. Is there hope? Should I even be thinking about it even if there is hope? I know every relationship is different, but is there a general timeline for things like this? Reaching out weeks, months, years later? Thank you.