lauram123

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Well, you are the one who reached out to him.

Where did you get this idea about "closure"? 

Were you hoping he would ask to reconcile?

I wasn’t hoping for that it was my way of accepting some responsibility and hope counselling is going well for him and that he is healing 

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Leave him alone. He knows your contact info so letters, texts, VMs etc. is unnecessary. Whether he is depressed, bitter or just wants to be free of a relationship doesn't matter.

Is this the same man?:

 

Yes it’s the same person 

I’m (30) f my ex is (42) m we split up around 2 months ago which was my decision. He has depression and was going through a hard time and kept pushing me away and ignoring me. I would tell him time and time again how him ignoring me would hurt me and make me anxious all he had to do was tell me he didn’t want to talk etc. I tried my absolute hardest to support him but in the end it started to affect me mentally.

I wrote him a letter as closure for myself and to apologise on how the situation was handled and I shouldn’t of took his depression personally etc. He sent me a text to thank me and said how it was such a lovely gesture and how there is no hard feelings etc. 

He then blamed me for the break up and said I had barriers up (I really opened up to him on how I’d been treated before) and said how it started to affect him, then he had a go at me for not asking how he is and how he is used to it.

The next morning he sent me a voicenote to say he will ring me and talk and he isn’t ignoring me. I messaged him back and 24 hours later he still hasn’t read the message even though he’s been online. 

I don’t get why he’s putting me through the same thing again when I’ve spent time getting myself in a good place, I now feel like I’m back to square one again! 

Any advice would be appreciated

51 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

It seems his interest was waning a bit before you pulled the plug, so perhaps the writing was already on the wall here. 

But this was a bit much to lay on him, and tells him that you don't trust his intentions. Maybe you don't but that's why it's important to observe and see what people do without any prompting from you. No, it might not be what you want to see, but it will tell you a lot about whether someone is interacting with you because they want to or because they are simply responding to your request for reassurance. 

Since you are the one who asked for space, you're going to have to take this one on the chin. In the future, don't suggest taking space if what you're really doing is hoping it will prompt the guy to show some interest. 

Ye I do agree I probably did lay a lot on him but he was the same with me too. I think I’m going to have therapy myself because the way I act sometimes isn’t right so I think I need help with how I deal with my thoughts. X

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

He needs to see his doctor not a counsellor. Why did he take himself off the meds? Was he unable to perform in bed? 

Try to cull those suspicions. You seem unusually suspicious. Do consider it over as his mental health sounds complicated.

He has been seeing his doctor too and has gone back on his meds x

25 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would live my life as if this is a breakup.  It sounds like he is not in a good place right now to date you -especially you since he knows you well and pursued you in the past (and remember there was a time you didn't want to date him).  The problem is you are subjecting him to your trust issues and anxiety when you should own that -not put it on him especially if he is having mental health challenges.  That's self absorbed of you - he's done nothing to betray you and yet he's supposed to reassure you.

I would leave him be- no contact-if he wants to be with you he will call you as soon as he knows that.  I would not try to be his friend or therapist or mommy right now or send him treats.  Let him be on his own and have the good care he deserves -from a trained professional.  Very likely if you speak with him you'll feel tempted to ask him for reassurance and the last thing he needs now is someone depending on him like that.  And it's just not attractive especially to someone you are newly dating despite knowing him as a friend in the past. 

I'm sorry you're upset and I know dating is so hard!

Thank you! Yes I have been treating it as a breakup and we haven't spoken in 10 days but I just can't get him out my head. I know it will get easier eventually but I wont message him he knows where I am if he wants me x

Hi all my first time posting here and could really do with some advice :). I have been dating a guy for 2 months but have known him for a year, in that year he had tried to date me but at that time I wasn't in the place to date. He then stopped trying and 8 months later came back and tried again and I agreed to date him.

Our first date was amazing we hit it off really well and was non stop laughing and talking, we would talk on the phone a lot everyday and was excited to keep dating and to see where it lead. After a few dates I then went to his house for the weekend, as soon as I got there he had brought me a big bouquet of flowers and my favourite chocolate and again we had the best weekend together. When I went home on the Monday I noticed he wasn't as talkative as he normally was and just put this down to me overthinking as I do have an anxious attachment as I'm so used to people running off. Over the next few days I kept noticing it even though we was still speaking it was a few messages a day whereas before I couldn't get him off the phone. I mentioned it to him and he opened up and told me he had been on anti depressants but was slowly coming off them as he doesn't want to be on tablets but is having down days and assured me I haven't done anything wrong. He has previously mentioned he was feeling anxious, sick, tired before I knew about depression but I didn't think too much of it.

I was supportive and we spoke about it and I opened up to him aswell how I had an ex bf lie he was depressed while he was out trying to pull other girls while I was grieving my grandad passing away so in a way it had triggered me the same thing was happening again. Things were fine and again we was getting on and he would start calling me randomly to keep communication going. I then surprised him by sending him his favourite donuts to his house to try make him smile while he was struggling.

A few weeks after this I went to his for the weekend and as I was there I noticed he wasn't really with it it was like he was physically there but not mentally. He was fidgeting really bad and being anxious and nearly crashed his car twice by not concentrating. He was quiet compared to how he usually is, anyway we had a date night of bowling and mc donalds and he seemed to be better as the date went on. The next day he cooked for us and we spent the afternoon chilling watching this netflix series we were glued to.

I tried calling him the day after as I was travelling to work which I always do, and it went straight to voicemail so I messaged him to say I had tried calling him but was now at work this was at 6pm and he didn't read my message until the next morning but had been online numerous times. I have told him if he is feeling crap to just tell me and communicate with him, as when he doesn't message me but is online it makes him wonder and makes me think who is now getting the attention that I used to have.

I told him I have told him how I've felt about sometimes his behaviour and how it makes me feel and he has always said he is sorry, has tried to sort things out with me, has reassured me. I know I have trust issues and need reassurance but all I ask for is consistency. Again I noticed it happen the next day so I told him I think we need space as he is now making me anxious and its not fair on me when I'm the one who is there for him and supports him no matter what.  He replied with "he isn't out to cause me pain or anxiety or even upset me and he can see by him not being himself mentally he isn't giving me the attention I need which isn't fair. So maybe if we do give it a little space he can sort himself out and he is booked in to see a counsellor next week and how he wants me to know none of this is me that has caused this and he plans on getting back to normal ASAP and hopes we can pick up where we left off and can treat me how I deserve to be treated".

I am scared he is using it as an excuse as I have been here before, do you think he is using it as an excuse? do you think he could come back?