India198

No I am not and on the other hand finding reasons to stay in the marriage. Trust me I am not and it is obvious to understand why she gels with her friends for the very reason you mentioned above.

I have already mentioned about it here

How exactly? Do you care to explain?

Thank you junebug123 for your time and reply. Interesting to learn about your father's remarriage 🤔 Can I ask because he choose his second wife over his kids did he stop having relationship with you? Why do you think your step mother was jealous over you and your sister? Is the above alot to ask? I equally respect her parents then why would she not do the same if she valued our marriage? I don't understand why my family is coming across as if they are fault finding in my wife? Can you please explain what context in the threads makes you feel that way?

They are not trust me Why do I feel you seem to think I or my family are against my wife? She has her independence, finances, a well paid job, health etc..... my family or I for that fact don't stop her from doing what she want. Both me and my wife come from a good family background, but why is it that she feels trapped? Her parents didn't force her into this marriage. All I have wanted in the marriage from her is to respect my family and be nice to them. My family is self sufficient and don't require any financial help from either of us. My wife doesn't have any responsibility of taking care of them. Is this too much to ask of my wife? PS: Are you judging my situation as a typical indian arrangement marriage?

Totally understand what you are saying, however how do you support a person when they are actually in the wrong and hurting your family?

Honestly speaking I use to get bothered in the beginning as to why my wife would connect so well with her friends as appose to my family. I could never understand why she would trust new friends over my family? I tried understanding and talking to her about it and her response would be she didn't feel they gave her enough attention for her to gauge back at them. However I am all comfortable with her being outgoing and meeting new people. No honestly I don't want my wife to start loving my family. However, atleast make a formal effort to be civil and interact. We are well aware my wife doesn't have the feeling from within to be part of the whole family. This hurts me as I feel my family being non traditional and quite open minded have always given her that space but she feels that space is non existent 🤷‍♂️ I guess divorce would be the exit strategy but I feel there is something between us that has kept our marriage going for 7 years 🤔

I feel you are quick to judge the whole situation I do support my wife and do take her side, however at times when she behaves erratically and as a stranger then how does one support the wrong? All I want of her is to behave in a civilised manner and respect when parents are around. However, that too turns out to be a mess and situation goes out of hand.

I do want to have kids for sure

It was a modern arranged marriage where by her parents came across a matrimonial advertisement my father had put in the local newspaper. Both our fathers clicked over the phone and rest is history. I travelled to India with my father and we met up her family. At the time she was happy with the arrangement and say 'Yes' to go ahead with the marriage. I got to spend a week and a half with her while I was in India and then for the next 6 months chatted with her over the phone before our actual marriage. During the 6 months over phone and SMS's I figured out she loved her social life and enjoyed going out with friends perhaps every second weekend. Since moving to UK, I did notice she felt alot trapped in the family and bursting to make new friends. However, she never made any efforts in getting to know my family more. Initially we were a joint family for few months before moving out but once we moved out she never hardly wanted to make any effort towards coming closer to my family. Honestly speaking with so much happening, I have mixed feelings towards her. I love my family and feel a sense of responsibility towards them. But at the same time I am upset that my wife doesn't feel part of the family. It makes me frustrating when she gels so well with her friends, family and relatives. However when it comes to my family her behaviour is very different. I grew up in India and lived there till I was 16 before moving to UK. I was always brought up to adhere family values and love one another. And my wife coming from similar background makes me wonder why she ended up so negative about my family?

No kids and we live separately, however my parents have recently moved near us so they can be near me.

>Dragging her to couples counseling may help you prepare yourself for a divorce as it will show you that this marriage was a bad fit from the start. I think it is the only I will get my answers.

thank you for your advice and I will think about it. >Of course there’s always the possibility that after 7 years it’s too late. And she has already lost respect towards you and your family. In that situation it’s probably best to walk away. I am highly certain she has lost respect towards my family.

She never conforms to which one she'd prefer? She has always told me, if I am not happy then go for divorce but I feel she thinks I will never go for it.

I highly agree with you on this as I have felt the same about her. However this makes me sad as she voids of family values and it's how I have been brought up.

I think you've 'hit the nail in the head' right there. From the beginning she came into this marriage with lots of insecurities, doubts and complex. She has always been defensive and never seen herself as a part of the whole family. She never gelled in well with my father, as he is somewhat mildly orthodox in nature and always stresses about ethical and family values. She has never in 7 years made any of us feel that she poses family values. >What is the issue with your sister? There seems to be some disagreement between the two of them. Again my sister and her never gelled either from beginning. My wife has always felt insecure and complex when she is around. However, if they are talking on phone they seem fine. However in flesh I can see my wife's behaviour unpleasant, unnatural and rude. It shoes actually shows in her face that she is very uncomfortable around her and they way my sister carry's her attire. >Couple's therapy may work if both individuals are invested in the marriage or see a possibility of reconciling differences. I have always pushed for counselling / therapy as she never feels the need for one?

>first question is do you actually love this woman? Because of all the turmoil, arguments about my parents and her own insecurities I am not if I do love her or not? 😐 We've had our ups and down, been on lovely holidays and enjoyed dinning at great restaurant's. However, in the end it always boils down to my side of family. She is very insecure and doesn't trust them one bit. Either it be living with them or spending money. She has over the years taken a massive dislike over my father. Yeah 7 years have been long, however out of 7 years we have lived 5 years away from my parents in a different city. However, now my parents have moved to the same city and will be living near us as they are getting old and want to live near me as would any other parent want. > Do you have kids? Nope. >Would your parents be angry at you if you divorced? They don't want me to divorce my wife as they feel if me and wife love each other and live happily then they are happy to except a life where they don't expect much from my wife. However, for some reason with everything going around it's only me who thinks about a divorce and not my wife?

Thanks for your reply > Does she care for you when you're sick? Does upto a certain extent. >Does she ever do anything to benefit you to make your life easier? Nope. > Does she contribute her fair share of finances and chores within the household? She does yes. >I don't know what you mean by pennies in the bank and her own well-being. Meaning she is very money minded. She doesn't like it when the balance starts to fluctuate.

I am a British Indian and married to a Indian girl for the last 7 years. It was a arranged marriage and in the last 7 years we've had a turmoil relationship. She doesn't agree with my feelings towards my parents and sister. She is self confessed selfish, always thinking about the pennies in the bank and of her well being. My parents have always tried to make her feel like their own daughter but because my sister exists, she has never been able to overcome her existence? I am stuck in the middle trying to create a harmony between both the parties but so far been failing. The issues we had in the first year of our marriage has always lingered been us no matter how hard I try to resolve it. She has no responsibilities towards my parents, they are self sufficient in their own way. She loves making new friends and somehow trusts them more than both me or my family. I think the main reason for this is because she feels free of life burdens around them. I try my best to facilitate all her needs and what not but she still feels unsatisfied? I think am coming to a point where I need to make a decision whether to get external help like couple therapy or divorce to keep us both sane :(. We have been to a couple therapy in the 4th year of marriage but didn't pursue it further. I am confused which direction to proceed in?