Hi everyone hope you are well.
little bit of a long one.
I live abroad and met this ‘friend’ whilst I was visiting my hometown and we had mutual friends and stayed in contact via social media. We never spoke on the phone just random messages like birthday or Christmas or when she was traveling to my country for holiday. Approximately twice I met up with her in the 7 years which in a total was 3 times. So she was always an acquaintance nice girl.
During Covid I had travelled back to my home town, I was stuck there and was waiting for flights to get home. During that time she reached out and would call me often chatting normally. She was in an amazing marriage with a daughter and would call me to constantly boast but I never thought anyway about it I was just an ear. A few months past and she was now going through a very messy divorce which seemed to come out of nowhere but none of my business. She called me every day for hours and I counseled her tried to keep her positive as much as I could. After lockdown eased up I went on holiday with my family and a family member died very tragically it was awful. She found out through the newspaper and kept blowing up my phone. I told her ‘listen stop I am with police, embassy trying to fly home. I need my phone stop to I understand your concerned but I need you to back off until I get home.’
she wouldn’t. I had 40 messaged all in one go, ‘I can’t sleep! How are you babe babe how are you? Babe are you ok? Babe?’
It was me and my aunt who was in trauma and shock and two young children so I was the one dealing with everything to make sure we go home safely and could bring the body back home. Gosh it was a living nightmare.
every single second she kept calling me but then most people were so again I didn’t think too much into it I honestly couldn’t care I had sooooooo much going on.
when I got back I had so much to organize grief hit the family hard and no one could cope at all and I had to organize the insurance, the body, the funeral, speaking to their work, banks, going through everything. She would call everyday and I would talk for 5 mins give her quick updates but be like ‘I have a lot on I can’t think of talk’
she would suggest ‘come round my house come round d my house let’s go out take your mind off it let’s go out for drinks’
it started to really irritate me as it’s like ‘what can’t or don’t you understand what I’m going through????’ Like the day I got back from the holiday she wanted me to go to her house!!!!
Again not really thinking too much into it until she showed up at my house. First time and she was very overly comfortable in my home which I didn’t like considering my whole family is in grieving mode and the energy in my house is depressing and quiet. She was being loud and not very aware I took her in the garden and we had a glass of wine and just chatted. She started talking about her divorce and How she’s going through the same thing as me and it’s like we’re one person and she feels my pain.
until now I don’t think anyone can ever feel anyones pain or grieve and also divorce and someone being killed in front of you isn’t the same thing at all.
i instantly felt strange towards her and my family who were present also felt uncomfortable I sent her away and carried on with all the plans for the funeral.
in the meantime I had a rental property which had squatters in and they just vacated the property leaving it destroyed. We had planned to do the house up immediately and I will some of my family will move into it. Whilst I was doing the funeral and insurance I was meeting with builders, agents trying to keep busy and sort it out.
she called and said you know my dad is a Bulider he will take the stress off you let me help. So I was like ‘omg this is like wow, money isn’t a issue it’s just finding someone reliable at this point and to start immediately’
so we met we spoke we agreed. A day later he called me shouting at me how I was supposed to go and clear the rubbish. When I said I would employ someone to clear it he said ‘I will do it don’t worry’
so I went back and said listen I don’t want to argue let’s list every single job down exactly so there isn’t any confusion. He was like ‘no no don’t worry I’m doing you a favor I’ll do it don’t worry don’t worry I’m doing you a favour’ a paid favour may I add.
I said with all due respect I have so much going on I was to make it clear ‘no no don’t worry I’ll do it I’ll do I was working till 11pm 4am till 11pm I’m doing you a favour’
so I went to my friend and said listen I don’t want this to turn ugly because I literally don’t have the mental capacity and time so please please can we sit and sort this out otherwise I’ll find someone else. She was like ‘listen do the funeral don’t worry I’ll talk to him give me the list do not worry’
well it did turn ugly, calling me 30 times a day sending me to the same shop multiple times a day demanding tools, paint, rollers, fitting in things I never asked for saying their a favour then charging me for it. I honestly had no one and no time I was like ‘whatever just do it’
even thinking back now I remember I called him and said listen I am going to the funeral home to see the casket so I won’t be available so if you need anything tell me. That day he called me 20times in one go. I picked up and all it was for was to tell me he had trouble fitting in something I didn’t ask for and he needed a battery for later.
in the meantime his daughter is also blowing up my phone ‘come round my house take a break come over’
She would blow up my phone, ‘what you doing?’ - ‘I’m busy I have family visiting from out of town’
’when are they leaving? Do you want to go shopping?’ - ‘no I can’t I’m with family they are staying over.’
3 hours later ‘have they gone yet? Do you want to come over? -ignore
4 missed calls
’CALL ME’ - ‘what’s up?
’yeah I miss you haven’t spoken to you in ages’ -spoke to her in the morning
this happened for 2 excoriating months and I snapped I said you cannot call me like this and message me to call you like it’s important and urgent When I have so much going on responsibility I feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.
she apologized and it happened again. But then ‘oh so I see you met your other friend but can’t see me? Oh you speak to her on the phone she’s not even a good friend blah blah blah’
Honestly after the funeral I had to go abroad to then clear out my families home and sort out the belongings etc (honestly I have not had a break until now I’m writing this)
she began messaging oh I’m coming out there on holiday with my family I want to see you, - ‘I’m busy clearing out a house which is soooooo emotional I don’t know when and what I’m doing I can’t plan or commit. Your coming with family so we’ll catch up another time but my priority is my family and doing this’
Same questions next day next day whilst her dad is not even doing a good job over charging me on everything and longing out a 3 week job for 3 months.
I ignored her messages but then they became very ‘What’s wrong why aren’t you messaging me? Why haven’t you replied?’
stalking me every time I’m online. It gave me anxiety.
I ended up staying abroad where I was originally anyway for the past 6years and she was like ‘why I hope you never get a job I miss you my life will be nothing without you’
this is a grown woman with a job and kid like I don’t understand.
I spoke to her and said listen I need to be alone and taking time away from everyone I need space and to get a job grieve and get back on track like I haven’t actually had a chance to breath or cry I’ve had to be strong for my family and I need a break’
’oh I know you’ve been through so much but I miss you your my soulmate I’ll come and visit you when will that be? When can I come out and see you?’
I said I don’t know I need a job, counseling and to sort my stuff out. ‘So when will that be because I want to book flights now?’
I repeated it again firmly and she backed off and said ok then maybe feb.
in the meantime I haven’t messaged her but now I keep getting messages like ‘why haven’t you called me what’s wrong?’
’no calls?’
like firstly, where is my how are you? What if I was I’ll what if I was in hospital? Just none of my friends have ever ever messaged me like this so abruptly rude. I felt a sense of guilt that it looks as if I used her if I blocked her but then I paid her dad more and he’s made so many mistakes I have to employ someone else to fix them. Also he isn’t even replying to any messages.
god it feels good getting this all out. Thanks for reading so far. But she just messaged me after a month of hearing nothing from her ‘babe no calls? All ok?’
I don’t feel strong enough I block her because I know she’ll stalk me as she is that sort of person and it scares me even though we’re not in the same country. I was hoping it could go back to how it was before Covid as she knew me always living abroad and not talking constantly everyday.
I need a job I need my life back I need to grieve in a healthy way, I need good people around me not this.
