adviceseeker1

When you picture your life without her, what do you feel? Fear of change? Pain over being without her? Relief? I think you have to decide if this relationship is something you want to work on to improve or if you’d be happier moving on.

Hi all, first time poster here. Sorry for the long post. I’ve honestly just had all this bottled up and I need to vent a little. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and together for about 10. We were best friends before ever dating all those years ago and have been happy for the most part. But the past several months I’ve had a horrible suspicion. I’m posting here because I suspect a female friend of my husband is more to him than just a friend, but it’s a complicated situation and I’m not sure where to go from here. To give some background, you have to understand that my husband is a very caring person and really likes helping people in need. He is generous and likes to give others advice. That’s just part of who he is and it’s something I love about him. This friend i mentioned he initially met online years ago in an online game - before I ever met him. This friend does not live in our state but close enough to drive here to visit. She’s in her early 20s and we are 30. One of the worst parts about the situation is she’s kind of grown to be a somewhat friend of mine too - we’ve had several friend gatherings with her (and others) and have spent a lot of time together. She has even given me gifts for my birthday, etc. This past summer we even went on a group “friend” vacation together - with me, my husband, this girl, and one other friend. We like hanging out as a group and have good times. So here’s where my worries begin. I feel that there are many little signs that might mean my husband is more connected to this person that he should be. These signs have become more and more obvious to me over a long period of several months and many of them emerged over said vacation. I believe that men and women can be just friends, but some of these just make me uncomfortable. - He talked to her A LOT. Texting, Snapchat, and on the Xbox voice chat very often as they play many games together. - I’ve noticed when he talks to her he always sounds happy and interested. He laughs with her and always seems engaged. - He buys her gifts. He always gets her a birthday gift on time even though other friends he often doesn’t buy for or is usually gives very belated gifts. I’ve also noticed he sometimes buys her little things she’s perfectly capable of getting herself. For example on vacation we were at a bar and she mentioned interest in a bag of special chips they had. When she paid her tab she didn’t buy the chips. Minutes later my husband bought them for her - after asking me if I wanted any as well. - She always calls my husband in tears when she has a problem, even if it’s late at night, like after midnight. This girl is kind of “crisis girl”. She seems to cry and be upset over a variety of problems somewhat often. “My dog isn’t acting right, a boy told me he wasn’t interested in dating me, my mom yelled at me, etc.” My husband is her go-to apparently and she often calls him in tears about her problems. And he always answers and talks to her. He also seems worried about her. - He has said “their minds are too alike” and has made several other comments along those lines that amount to him finding similarities between them. - Sometimes he goes in the other room when she calls to talk. He does this for no one else. - He mentions her a lot and always just seems happy when he talks about her. - Several months ago he actually asked me if I’d be ok with him driving to her and visiting her for a weekend. Just him because he was worried about her and she had some problems she needed to talk about. He claimed he would stay in a hotel. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that and he got upset at me. - On vacation there were times he’s be extra nice to her and cruel to me in the same minute. Example: we were doing dishes and he said to her “thank you so much for helping.” I put more dirty dishes in the sink and he said “you’re really making this more complicated than it should be” (he didn’t like how I put them in the sink 🙄) - Over vacation I felt left out a lot because he always just seemed to want to talk to her. Any attempts I made to do something romantic with just the two of us were rejected and he’d go watch tv with her instead I have told him I suspected something several months ago and his response was “well she is someone I care about a lot. But we’re just friends”. My feelings of insecurity have only grown since that time. Especially after seeing how he interacted with her over our vacation. Does he really think she’s just a friend? Does he not realize some of this behavior is crossing a line? I don’t think anything physical at all is going on between them but there seems to be more emotional attachment than what is normal. I don’t know. I’m not sure where to go from here.