I'm an early 30s male and she's in her late 20s.
As the title says my girlfriend went to go to a meetup/party over the weekend with people she met playing video games last friday. I could not attend as I was staying over at my parents place for the weekend. She lives in one country I live in another. This party was in neither of our countries. My girlfriend was staying at the host of the meetup's place to save money on hotel costs. She was sleeping in the host's bed and the host himself slept on his couch. Most of the attending people went to a hotel since there is not enough space to let everyone sleep over. Our mutual friend was staying at the hotel.
During the first night I texted her a few times and she responded as normal. This stopped abruptly around 10:30pm so I thought she was probably just having fun and enjoying her time there. I was having a session of D&D and this ended around 12. Around 12:30 I text her Im off to bed, tell her I hope she is having fun and let her know I love her.
I had some issues sleeping and finally fell asleep late at night. Around 6:30am I wake up and notice she hadnt responded to me at all and at this point I feel worried. I texted her asking if she is ok and sent one of our friends that was also there to ask if they know if she is ok. At around 8am our friend replies to me stating how my girlfriend was drunk when they last saw her, but also noted my gf still texted them up to 3am.
Around the same time my gf texts me but did not make too much sense. I try calling her but she does not pick up. She notes she is still pretty drunk and goes back to sleep. When she finally let me know something I felt very relieved, but in the back of my mind I still did not feel at ease. I felt like she had deliberately not told me she got to bed safely or responded to me during the night, which is very much not like her at all.
She usually spends a lot of her time texting, even when I visit her or when we go to sleep. When we were at a party I hosted she was on her phone texting frequently as well and she had up until this day never not said good night to me on any given day, even when she has gone out with her usual friends, drinking and partying until 6am etc.
I attempted to text to her for a bit when she got up but she seemed busy and said she'd talk to me later. Around 11:30am I text her to ask if shes ok and sobered up. I go to eat lunch and checked my phone afterwards and notice she is on her phone but not replying to me. Admittedly I felt annoyed there because now I really did feel like she was just ignoring me. I text her a Hi message and she responds to me a few minutes later. I ask her if she still wants to talk and she now suggests talking at 3pm. She ends up calling me anyway and I attempt to let her know I dont feel good about her leaving me hanging and ask her why she never responded to me last night. She tells me she got so drunk she could not text at all. In that moment I just accepted it and we had a conversation as usual for a small moment. She went on to go eat lunch with the people attending.
We end up not talking much more because we both were busy. The evening rolls around and we end up texting for a bit. At some point I ask her to please let me know when she gets to bed safely and I end up going to sleep at 10pm. I wake up around 8am and again theres complete radio silence. She ends up texting me at 10am she is on the train to catch her flight. I attempt to text her but she gives me, what feels like, forced 1-3 word replies. When she gets to the airport at the gate we end up calling and we just do some smalltalk before she travels home.
Later in the evening we have some actual time together to talk over the phone and she talks about how good of a time she had there. She really got along with the host and sees how shes going to be so good friends with him. I tell her thats nice and we talk away about various things.
I still feel like her suddenly going silent on me wasnt cool so we end up talking about this properly and I let her know I would really have liked to know if she was ok before going to bed. She ends up asking me why and I replied it was because I was worrying about her. She was after all in a foreign country with a bunch of people she never met before and everyone had the intention of getting drunk. She ends up telling me she thinks I was being controlling and that I was acting butthurt about this on saturday morning. Up until this point I hadnt thought I was being controlling but did end up apologizing for it.
After this we ended up talking but it felt unpleasant, I felt like I messed up. During our conversations she ended up ignoring me a few times to text instead which was also not helping. She ended up saying she was going to sleep but after we hung up she stayed online on her phone texting for quite a while.
I went to sleep after hanging on my phone for a bit. I woke up early and am now writing this post and dont really know what to think. Was I really being controlling? Am I just gullible? Is it normal for this to happen in a relationship? I personally do not feel its ok to leave your partner hanging like this in a relationship, but maybe I am wrong or overreacting? Can anyone please give me advice or perspective on what I should think or do.
