A couple months ago back in May of 2021 we started hooking up and falling in love, but later in the month she had to return to the army for 3 more months. In September she came back and we started seeing each other right away. I could tell from the start that she was not in a good mental place and that she wasn't happy when I was not around and even some times when we were together she would breakdown and not speak. I didn't know how to console her at the time but this week we spoke about it. She wasn't happy with the way things were going and wanted to say something before we ended up hating each other. So last night we sat down and spoke. In the end, there were 2 outcomes of what we could be.
1) We could start dating right now officially - but we both agreed it would not end well and that we don't want to feel like we did before.
2) We could be a "friends with benefits". Meaning, we hang out less and speak less but we will still hookup and be friends, just not in the public eye. I said I did not mind this except I would need to be exclusive. (I told her the truth and said that if we weren't exclusive, I would not be able to be even friends with her because my feelings for Rachel are too strong and it would hurt too much to think of her being with another guy.
3) We end things right now and distance ourselves for a little bit and see what happens. But I told her again that if we were not exclusive and she goes out with other guys then I don't see us having a future in terms on a dating relationship or even a friendly relationship.
We both agreed that we want a relationship and want to be with each other in the future, but it just did not work the first time in terms of me and her being ready for a relationship.
After hours of being sad and crying because we both didn't know what to do, we chose option 2, but she was not sure about the exclusivity. She said that most of her friends are guy friends (and they are), and that she would be in an awkward situation to reject a guy because she technically does not have a boyfriend. This kind of pushes me away but I love her so much. She agreed to be exclusive after thinking about it.
I feel as though I lost her and there is no hope for a future relationship. What can I do to help us? and do you think staying "friends with benefits" is the right move?
Again, we both confirmed last night that we still have feelings for each other.
