J0hn95

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, if you don't mind me asking - how old are you two?

Those of replying from a generation that didn't grow up with texting (myself included) tend to have a different threshold for what is too much and so on. 

Both 25 and both new to dating too

7 hours ago, reinventmyself said:

yikes. . 5 times day?   I get it's generational thing but I would be annoyed.  On the other hand, I see others find it perfectly ok.  It's totally up to you.

If the point of asking is to ward off scaring her away, watch her pace and follow if it feels ok.  Don't get ahead of her or fall too far behind.

 

So is it best I let the convo die out and give it a couple of days and then just say “hey how’s your day going looking forward to next week”?

7 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Depends. Some people love to text. At start it establishes at least some connection and to see if you get each other. Plus, it makes it easier to fizzle out if neccessery. She seems like the type especially if she initiates it. So its up to you if you want to accept that pacing or not. 

If you are asking if its neccessery, no its not. You seem to be doing fine and if she likes you she wont forget you just because you havent texted in a day. You already got the date coming so that is more important then the texts. You could ask her to confirm a date or just send her something nice if you want, but again, you probably wont miss out if you dont. 

Yeah I think it’s just becoming the norm in my age, we texted for about 2 weeks before even going on a date.

But just new to all this not used to it me and my ex would only have like a phone call after work about our day and maybe 1 or 2 texts if something happened but rarely just not a massive texter really plus I feel like previous partners I would text my way out of them being attracted to me dunno how?

I try to just ask how her days going and stuff like that keep it no more than 5 texts a day is that good?

38 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Constantly? No.  She is not your girlfriend and it was merely a good date.  

You can reach out periodically, not daily, to say hello and keep some momentum between now and the next date.  But texting too much leads to a premature attachment and interferes with letting the relationship grow organically in real life.

 

What if she’s the one initiating a lot of the texting?

Hi, I went on a date a few days ago which went really well, we were only going for a couple drinks but ended up having a great time we stayed out the whole night, got drunk and kissed at the end.

we’ve set up a date for next Saturday and as I’m new to all this dating stuff just wondering if I need to constantly text her?

at the moment we’re chatting backwards and forwards no problem but I feel like I’ve started trying to hard to keep the conversation going because I feel like if we ain’t talking she’s gonna think I’m not interested anymore?

is it fine to have a day where we don’t chat and I dunno I reach out once in a while just saying “hey, hope you’re having a productive day?” Something along those lines? 

Just an update for everyone she’s actually messaged me tonight.

But I ain’t bothered opening it I think it’s just her ways of manipulating and messing me about again.

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

There’s nothing to read into as far as “girls “ - some individuals mention people they know or dated to other people when messaging them.  There are many reasons for this and one reason could be “idle chit chat”.  Or “I wish I’d never stopped dating him so I’ll send indirect smoke signals and hope he knows to ask me out again”. Who knows.  It’s fun to be idly curious sure but I would assume it means nothing.  
a couple of years ago totally by accident I clicked on my ex boyfriends linked in profile.  Because I clicked he sent me an invite. I accepted.  What did it mean ?  That I was fine being linked in with him.  How often have we communicated on LinkedIn?  Zero times. 

Usually I would just ignore it as yeah most likely just chit chat, just found the bit where she said “think the world of him” weird. I have a feeling she wants me to reach out to her for her to just pie me off to make herself feel better because I did it to her?

8 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

If she reached out directly to you and said she wanted to see you, would you say "no, thanks"? Or would your heart skip a beat?

Who decided to stop dating, you or her?

I’d honestly say no thanks there’s nothing there anymore. I’m just nosey and wana know what some of the reasons girls do that?

I ended it because she kept messing me about and sending me mixed signals and couldn’t be asked with it

Hi, don’t really know whether to call her an ex or not but basically was someone I was dating that we on path to be in a relationship but didn’t workout I did post a topic about it not that long ago if anyone fancies a read.

Anyway speaking to my mate tonight he was friends with her and somehow a friend of hers got talking about him and she messaged him to see how he was etc. And in that convo she mention how Am I doing, am I ok and also she thinks the world of me?

Just wondering what she’s trying to do is it a way for her to try reach out to me without messaging me? Haven’t really had this before so just curious how others view it?

Don’t worry I don’t have any intentions on getting back with her I’ve moved on and taking the time to focus on myself!

10 hours ago, boltnrun said:

This is going to cause you to make terrible relationship decisions. Love and marriage is not a competition or a race. Shouldn't it be about finding the right person?

I think this anxiety over being single is what's causing your extreme reaction to this situation. This is not the love of your life. It's simply one woman you went on a few dates with.

Deal with your fear and anxiety before you try to get back out there again. Otherwise you'll continue to panic and overreact.

Thank you all for your messages it’s really opened my eyes. This comment really hit me it mad me realise that yeah I am scared of being alone and this is will just only ruin future relationship I have.

unfortunately I was impatient and stupid and did message her last night we cleared somethings she claims she hasn’t been distant at all been busy at work, she told me how she felt and it is what it is and that it has knocked her a bit. We are small talking for now but I won’t chase her I feel like I need to focus on myself now.

forgot to add I wanted to end my relationship with my ex about 1-2 years ago when I had the courage to even broke up with her I had huge fear if I was doing the right thing, was I ever gonna get over her, will I find anyone else like her etc. Which held it back for that long. I still think about it now from time to time.

10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Yes, I feel you are right... sorry.

She is not 'able' to give herself properly to you. I feel she is not even close to be ready, freshly being out of a long term (rough) relationship.

Nothing you can do about that, but respectfully leave her alone now.  No begging.. nothing.

If she can't do this, they she can't!

I think maybe you BOTH need some down time from dating & getting involved.  Is way too soon to be dating again after a long term (and failed) relationship.

So, focus on YOU for a while... This was a very short-lived experience for you and in ways I feel your 'emotions' could also be stemming from your last experience as well.

Since, you are truly NOT emotionally invested properly with this 'new girl'.

So, try to calm down... give yourself TIME to get yourself back to good again.  Dont look at getting involved again for at least another 6+ months... For your own mentality.

Is there a reason why you are looking to date again so quickly after your last one?

Is good to learn to be okay Single and comfortable with yourself, on your own for a good while, before dating again.

 

Thanks for your reply, It has been about 4-5 moths since we split with our exs and first time dating properly, I really want to message her so i can clarify on where i stand because its just making my days so long and hard. It seems such a waste, Ive briefly spoke to her parents on facetime and she tells me they liked me, telling me everything is alright on the night.

I have told myself t be fair that i would not do any dating for a whole year and just focus on self improvement first think it'll be good to take my mind off things.

I think I've got this fear that because all my friends have partners some are married some are having kids, I'm literally the only single in the groups. and I feel like I'm going to be the odd one that will just be going partner to partner and never find the one to settle down.

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear this. You're simply not ready to date if "nerves" is a problem. She is not ready to date either, so it's a case of too much too soon.

After 6 dates, you are not exclusive so still talking to and meeting others. Next time, try not to rush women into bed or future talk with this much insincerity.

Take a breather. Are you still communicating with your recent 5 yr ex?

If you go on dates make sure you're not talking about exes and if you have performance anxiety, don't drink if you plan to have sex.

Hi thanks for the reply, A apart of me thinks maybe too soon but another reason could be I’ve been under a lot of stress with work and family.

I guess we was exclusive but not officially said, we never saw any other people we had been talking for about a month before we started going on dates properly, think a part of me just wanted to give a good performance and maybe pressure just got to me?

We don’t talk I feel like if I messaged my ex she will think there’s a chance again and don’t know how she’s coping.

She mentioned her past and ex a lot now I look back I don’t think I actually remember a time I mentioned mine to her.

Do you think it’s best to wait a couple of days and message her how she is or just leave it and wait for her?

So I’ll start with a quick recap of the year with my relationship. On April 2021 I parted ways with my ex of 5 years due to me not seeing us progress any further we don’t speak but we still are friends. Skip about 2 months I matched with this girl on tinder and chatted a little but had a bad phone call experience due to nerves. 2 weeks later I actually met her in a nightclub and we hit off really well and she saw different side of me compared to the phone call, we exchanged social media and cracked on from there.

So it was a on off talking stage for a good month I saw her only once in that time and she had a holiday and the week she got back I had a holiday it was bad timing really. But after my holiday we went on dates and yeah we progressed and started mention relationships, meeting parents etc. On the 6th date we went out had a good time and finally to the bedroom we were gonna have sex but unfortunately probably due to nerves I couldn’t really hold an erection. She said don’t worry plenty of time and kind of shrugged it off and now this is where the problem started.

It’s been 2 days since that night and she had been very blunt, not calling me babe etc. And just been very distant. I knew what the reason was so last night I addressed the elephant in the room. I explained it must of been due to stress, anxiety nothing to do with her I’m very into her and find her very attractive. Ill mention now that she was in a 5 year relationship but hers was very sour with her ex cheating etc. And her response to me that it has brought back insecurities about her past relationship and feels she’s not good enough, she has also insecurities about her body. I feel like she’s going to fizzle out and end it with me she hasn’t opened my message for nearly a day now! I really have developed feelings for her and I would hate for this to end like this, I see her snap score going up so I know she’s talking to other people she’s posting photos on Instagram it’s just making me feel so depressed and I can’t sleep or work I really can’t go on like this would love for peoples opinion and advice it will help me out a lot thanks.