about a year ago while on a trip I met a guy and i didn't really want anything serious I didn't took things too seriously , I thought is just someone I met for fun and maybe never going to see eachother again, I came back to my hometown and we kept contact , things keep getting better and better and we saw each other in person 2 more times, and we fall for eachother ,the issues is that when we first I met him I lied about my age and for some stupid reason and my insecurities I told him I was 28 years but I was actually 30years old ,and he was 29 years old , since than I felt really bad about it and at the beginning I kept telling my self that this relation is long distance and it will end eventually and I wouldn't have to tell him anything, but we kept talking and we saw eachother 2 time more in person and he it's very serious and we are so much into eachother but the fact that I lied keeps bothering so much but just can't tell him that I lied I m so scared of losing him and disappointing him and ruining are relation .
He told me trust is the most important things in a relation to him and he doesn't tolerate lies so I got so scared and it gives me anxiety ,
Now my birthday is coming very soon and I'm turning 31years old he want me to go to his hometown and spend it with him, he insist on it but I know one of his family members or friend will eventually ask about my age and this will come out and I'm so afraid, I feel is going to be a disaster not just im going to have to reveal that on my birthday while in his house on a trip to see him, and maybe in the presence of others too, and I don't even know how is he going to react, we never had a big fight or argument before .
do I keep making excuses to why I don't want to spend my birthday with him. I want to see him in person again, and he knows I got time off work for my birthday. And I really want to go spend it with him but I m sure the age question will come and I m just so afraid and embarrassed . I try to through hints at him by telling him that I'm the same age as are friend X( name her X for this post and she is turning 31 soon too) but he just didn't get the hint . I don't know what to do if I should tell him directly before my birthday but scared he will break up with me immediately, or take the risk and go see him and I don't know what to answer when the question about my age come out and I don't want to keep laying anymore or spend my birthday in my town and tell him later about my age and loose the chance to see him in person ?.
I feel like a horrible person,I wish I can take it back, I m so scared from hurting him, he will be very dispointed in me and I don't want that, I can't sleep from the stress this causing me and I know nothing justifies my stupidity and what I did. Please help!
