I’m in my mid 30. I have been married for about 7 years now and share a 4 year old daughter with my husband. We work in the same business (office), generally from 9am to 7pm 5 days a week. We work in a small group with 5 other staff. The work is demanding and so are the clients. I met my husband right after I graduated from uni and we have been working together since then. Haven’t really taken time off work since I started working and only took 1 month maternity leave. Both of us work full time, our daughter has been attending child care since she was 1 (my parents looked after her before).
I admit I sometimes say things to him that can be framed in a better way. Tonight I said to him that he can speak to colleagues in the office in a better manner rather than raising his voice and screaming at times when he’s stressed, particularly in front of consultants we’ve just engaged. That is not a good look. He then went off on a rant about how he works long hours and that I do not know how to speak properly to him. He said I don’t have any friends and that’s the case because no one likes me. The reason for that is because I don’t know how to speak properly to people. He said I’m otherwise a good wife and good mother but he cannot stand me speaking to him the way I do. It just utterly breaks my heart knowing that that is what he thinks of me. It also hurts partly because it’s true - I don’t have any friends to talk to or confide with. I had many friends back in school but we lost contact along the way. Nowadays I speak to many people on a daily basis and I’m stuffed with work and other people’s problems but there is not a single person in this world I can speak to on a close, private and personal basis. I’m close to my parents but I don’t want to worry them with my troubles. My husband said I can speak to my dad and my siblings in whatever way I want but I can’t do that to him. He said even my siblings will not be able to stand me and may hate me for taking the way I do.
I don’t even recall when was the last time I got time off work or had me-time to explore possibilities of making friends. I work full time during weekdays and clean, cook and entertain my kid during the weekend. My husband does not do chores around the house. I can probably count using my fingers the number of times he has taken out the trash. When I get home during the weekdays, it’s generally after 7:30pm and I’m tired as hell but I have to make dinner and play with my daughter if I have the energy, give her a bath and put her to sleep. He gets home even later, around 8:30pm-ish and I feel bad about that too.
I haven’t taken a proper break from work since I met my husband and my mental health is suffering. I don’t know how things progressed to the way they are now where he despises what I say. I thought I was working hard for my family and doing what was right for us. At the end of the day I’m just this unlikeable loser with no friends and no one likes me.
This incident has made me think about things and whether I want to continue my life like this or at least keep the status quo for my daughter. I feel ashamed that I don’t have friends. I feel ashamed that I am a loner and that the only people I speak to during my private time are my parents, my husband and my daughter. Can someone please give me some advice or suggestion?
