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Update: spoke to my partner. She said that being with me gave her the freedom that she really was unable to have in her previous relationship. She admitted that she was taking advantage of the “freedom” because she felt she didn’t know how long she’d have it. She was just doing things anytime her friends asked because she didn’t know if she’d get the chance to again (because she didnt know if I’d turn out like her ex)* but once I told her how I was feeling and why I was feeling it she said she realized that her freedom wasn’t going anywhere and that she will try to do better about remembering that. We made several compromises and really set down and spoke about the boundaries that we were holding back from speaking to each other about (mostly me doing the holding back). Thank you to everyone that gave me the push to communicate better. 

5 hours ago, gamon said:

Living with someone is a compromise. It's rather surprising that several responders saw his partner inviting a friend over as unreasonable.

Freaking man up and go watch TV or go to bed if her friend being there is so bothersome.

 

 

Her inviting a friend over is not my issue or unreasonable to me, as I’ve stated multiple times before. I just want to know in advance, not right before I’m getting off of work. I’ve gotten the answer to my question though. 

I’m not a man so won’t be “manning up” but will definitely be taking everyones advice on communicating my needs better. 

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes you need to talk about it, however  she can have friends over and hours notice is fine. Perhaps you can chill in the bedroom?

I want to chill in* the bedroom but she gets upset when I don’t want to mingle with them. I would not care if she didn’t expect me to entertain them. 

7 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Yes, it's fair to be upset about this. 

I'm currently working from home (tele working) as is my husband due to yet another pandemic surge.  I don't want to home entertain even after tele working all day.  I'm tired. 

I remember my long commutes to work and coming home exhausted.  I wouldn't appreciate having to don my social face for visitors in my house!  No way.  My house is my sanctuary after a long day at work.  I want to clean up, feel refreshed, relax and eat in that order!  I'm in no mood for home entertaining whatsoever.  That's out of the question. 

Compromise with your partner.  Request cooperation from her.  Ask her to socialize OUTSIDE your home such as meeting her friend for coffee, tea or refreshments somewhere in public.  Then she'll come home feeling content, you had some peace and quiet with a chance to relax and it's a happy medium. 

I truly do not mind if they socialize at our home. It’s more about her telling me at the last minute because I have been ready to go home and relax all day and then there is an hour left of my shift and she decides to last minute have someone over. I don’t mind people coming over or anything, I just want to know in advance. Her telling me things ahead of time is something we have talked about before and after I talked about it things were fine until recently*. 

17 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

This is called growing pains and learning how to live together. Is it her place you moved into or yours? 

We got a new place together. 

12 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

She may know in theory, but not in practice. Just like you would with roommates, you and her need to sit down and work out some basic house rules, including and especially when company is welcome and when not.

It's not about being upset and quietly stewing in resentment, but rather about communication with your partner. Be clear and honest about what you want and need and seek out some kind of a compromise that works for both of you.

Now if you try to approach her about it and she refuses to listen, gets upset, doesn't want to see your point of view and doesn't want to compromise or adjust her behavior.....consider that you and her are not compatible and will not work out in the long run.

Try to talk about this when you are both calm and have some time to hash things out so you can both be happy. Remember that partners aren't mind readers and living together does take some adjustment for both people and a whole lot of getting used to. Especially when you have opposing personalities, aka introvert/extrovert.

You’re right, I did just kind of expect her to understand but I will try to have a full conversation about this. I’m afraid of coming off as controlling or anything as she was in a really bad relationship right before where she was always told what to do and what not to do(it’s way more serious than that but I’ll save the details).  I’m afraid of her thinking that I want to control what she’s doing. I always get myself ready to have these conversations but back out because I don’t know how to say it right. 

I moved in with my partner about 2 weeks ago. We’ve been dating for a year and a half. I work full time Monday- Friday. She does as well but she works 95% from home at the moment and often complains about not having much to do. This pretty much leads to her finding friends to hang out with during the day pretty much as much as she can. That is fine, my issue is that today, about an hour before it was time for me to get off, she texted saying she was about to hang with a friend soon. That’s cool, no problem, but then she states that said friend is going to be coming over. I got upset but was just like okay cool. I’m upset because since we are living together now I feel like I should get more than an hours notice of people coming over. I’m not sure if it’s wrong to be upset. I’m just always exhausted after work and don’t really feel like entertaining her friends when I get off. All of her friends are younger and it’s a lot of energy for me. I can just go in the house and not mingle but she assumes I’m mad at her or something when really I just don’t want to deal with people. I’m highly introverted and just want to relax in my house. And if I would have been prepared it’s different because I would know that I have to do that when I get off but they (her and her friends ) always do things last minute and she gets upset when I just am not up for it. She knows the type of person I am so I don’t get it?