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Chronanhedon

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Everything posted by Chronanhedon

  1. Thank you all for taking the time to answer. A lot of your comments have been very insightful. I do suffer from chronic depression. I have already completed physical therapy a while back so I’ve been working on just strengthening my affected limb. I also work out (not like I used to before my injury but I do my best) and do some self-care when I have the time but it feels more like homework most days. I have done some therapy in the past but I never felt comfortable discussing my relationship past or anything that intimate. I mostly talked about how I felt re work, general anxiety and relationship with my mother without sharing any really personal details. I still don’t think that I am capable of opening up in that way. I know I probably shouldn’t be dating. It’s funny that more than one of you has mentioned that I would attract the wrong people because I’m not right myself since the last person I pushed away was actually someone I met in group therapy, has bipolar and had broken up with his girlfriend a week after we met. I have been independent since I was 15 years old and it has been a double-edged sword in that I can get very comfortable in being alone but at the same time it feels like I’ve been alone for longer than the average person because even in my relationship that part stayed with me and it never bothered my partner how I did a lot of things without involving him, but over time I am learning that being alone loses its shine and loneliness becomes a more frequent visitor. The other reason I felt somewhat ready for a relationship is because I’ve always done well as a partner. I’m a good listener, faithful, supportive, communicative, laid-back etc. Being in a relationship made me happy because it was something I was able to do well and not feel like a failure as I do in other parts of my life, so I thought maybe it could somehow help me fix things and maybe I can work my way backwards if I found the right person. I will take everyone’s advice to heart and go from there though. Thanks again.
  2. I am over 30. I’ve only been in one serious long-term relationship that messed me up. I finally ended it in 2015. We were together almost 10 years on & off. I have been scared of dating ever since and with life troubles interfering as well I just resorted to avoidance by convincing myself I had sworn off all men after we broke it off. Around the same time of the break-up, I’ve had to deal with a physical injury that stripped me of 5 years of my life easy and been slowly and very literally getting back on my feet ever since. I work independently & generally an introvert so I don’t meet a lot of new people, but every now and then when I do meet someone that shows interest I get scared and push them away. I’m sort of a multipotentialite that got stuck doing the one job she had no interest in doing so I’m not happy career-wise either and always use that as an excuse to avoid relationships thinking I need to be more stable / content with my career before I get involved with someone. And just when you think I’m out of excuses: I suffer from very bad self-esteem / confidence secondary to a tumultuous relationship with my mother. Is there any hope for someone like me that feels too damaged to be in a relationship? If so, I haven’t dated in a while I would have no idea where or how to start? Any advice?
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