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Everything posted by Bella1234

  1. Thx you, each day gets a little easier, thank you for reading my post.
  2. I haven’t yet. I have just been reading online and watching different videos.. speaking with close friend and family is all I’ve done so far.
  3. My ex was an alcoholic. I fell in love but it still hurts that we parted ways. Some may say I dodged a bullet, others will say that I put up with it. I used to view him drinking 8 coolers and a half a bottle of whiskey a night as normal after awhile. This happened nightly. Never a night of not drinking. On wkds I used to think it was becoming normal he was drinking hard liquor to get through the day at 9am. I used to wake up to my blankets being torn off from him falling on the floor. I’ve been yelled at, tossed into the couch for confronting him about a txt from his ex wife. I’ve been name called, gaslighted, accused of stating fights and arguments if I brought up my needs or anything he’s done to hurt me emotionally. I blamed myself. I’ve been yelled at for being too tired for sex. Hes stormed out of the room in a rage and slept on the couch. He’s been given a warning regarding his attendance at work. He’s finding it financially hard to keep up. All the lies he told me about us having a family were all lies he was blacked out and I never realized all along he was only in love with the bottle perhaps. I grew the courage to leave as I have two little children but after all this it still hurts...I just wanted to share..
  4. I think I would take this experience as an exciting and magical time during your vacation but I would carry on with my life. Just continue to do your own thing for now. You will get a sense of the direction via txt but I agree with Andrina, I wouldn’t spend money going his way. It sounds like this was more of a fling during a vacation at this time.
  5. Just a quick update.. since I have been doing NC he’s txt nasty things to me. I’ve blocked and removed him from social media. The insults disrespecting my family, insulting my past and decisions and my previous father of my children. I was accused of not giving him a baby and now “his ship has sailed” I received a phone call in the am to “apologize” I am devastated and feel sick. Also heard he’s trying to pick up another female at work... why did I waste this time with him? Why does it still hurt?
  6. Toxic relationships are some of the most damaging and difficult to walk away from. The constant cycle of back and forth puts us in a mercy of “maybe I did something wrong” or “maybe things will change if only..” it’s mentally exhausting and it chops away slowly at your self esteem. It sounds like she likes your attention and the power she holds in a sense. Don’t give her anymore power. You’ve tried and you’ve done all you can. I know it’s hard but you don’t want more years invested into this. It has not changed and it won’t. You need to go through the motions of closing the door/ chapter of your life and move forward to feel better again. You can and you will - you have the strength within you. It takes much more energy to stay in the sadness, pain and toxicity that the other person is only providing for you.
  7. You are definitely not over reacting. This is incredibly hurtful. Red flags were there from the beginning from the messaging other girls and you gave him another chance because you love him. Don’t beat yourself up over this but it has gotten increasingly worse and how many more boundaries are you willing to let him break? This is a huge breach to your trust and it will be very difficult to move past this if he’s not willing to admit or take accountability to his actions. I know this because I’ve been there. There will always be a part of you wondering “what is he doing” etc. It does not get any better. Be strong for you and the baby and walk away with your head held high otherwise couples counselling is the only way to help and that’s if he’s willing. He’s not thinking about your feelings and the baby, sadly he’s selfish and thinking of his own needs. This isn’t what you want to go through with a baby coming. Wishing you the best.
  8. Thank you Batya33 and Rose. I really appreciate your responses. Rose, I have to say this is what my gut has been saying all along 😞 I never wanted to believe it. Yes the online profile does have similar qualities to myself that is why I feel it struck a nerve when he kept re adding etc. Batya, yes I am able to afford a home on my own. I have never relied on him financially and I could afford to pay half the house. We work at the same establishment him making a few dollars more than myself, but I should have explained a bit more... it was a home that was beautiful to me and I would have loved to live in something similar it just felt like it was all falling in place. Thank you 💜
  9. I feel like there could be some chemistry here, he’s flirting with you. I would continue about your usual routine as everyday and see where this goes. I definitely feel there’s attraction between you two but I wouldn’t go as far as giving him your number right away. Keep things a mystery for a bit and see where this goes. Don’t act on anything yet.
  10. Hi thank you for reading this. Much love and appreciation to you. I am a single mom of 2 young children. I went through a separation, sold my home, changed careers and moved to a new city for a fresh start in life although I had to move in with my parents temporarily until I got a new place here. I have a great relationship with my ex and we co parent for our children. We still are the best of friends. I met a new man when I first started working in the new city. He approached me via social media. We began to chat and eventually txted daily. He told me from the beginning “I am not exactly single but in the process of separation.” I understood. I respected it as I’ve went through it. They lived in opposite sides of their house and eventually he moved to his parents and she prepared to move out. We spoke about EVERYTHING. What we want together, what we never received and what we could do moving forward to better our lives together. He told me they separated as he always wanted children and they got married quickly when younger “natural progressions of life”. I got it. He was so admired by me having kids and was looking forward to meeting mine one day. Fast forward he bought their house after a year of “legal separation” she moved out and he hinted at us moving in. I was thrilled but worried as this was their matrimonial home together...he was married for 10 years. We are both in our late 30s, but I thought people do this all the time? I said I would be thrilled to move in and I was so excited as the house was the largest I’ve ever been into. I could never think I would one day be able to live in something like this!? It was like a dream and it was happening. The Jack of all trades, the family man, the sexual intimacy, chemistry it was all like a dream that came true. I thought wow this is where I am meant to be? Perhaps we were destined to meet together at this right time. For those of you who believe in this... fast forward to close to move in date - we started arguing a lot more. He decided to pull the plug on us moving in at that time but said we still would be in a few months once the arguing subsided . My boxes were already packed and I was devestated but something told me it’s ok maybe we need more time to sort out the arguments as he was very jealous and we both were insecure it seemed. I played a part in this as well. Eventually the 2nd move in date came and the arguments were still ever present. From arguing over social media (I did not have it at the time and when I seen his social media I felt sick.. he had over 800 diff ppl on Facebook and many women, single mothers, etc I just felt off and I questioned) eventually I decided I can’t reside with my parents anymore I got my own apartment in the city. He was angry at me getting my own place and said it was eventually happening but who can continue to wait?? I found out he added other female colleagues to his social media and I got worried he was doing the same thing as he did with me. One particular colleague did not have children and she is quite younger than him and myself and he deleted and re added several times when I brought this up. He swears they never chatted but why continue to add and re add he said one point he did it to make me angry to “piss me off”. He decides at this point to want to take a “break” from me and kept her on his Facebook. This was directly after I confronted him. I asked why? He still doesn’t delete her. I am left ghosted for days. I couldn’t eat, sleep, I was sick. Finally he txts me and we made up and he decided to delete his Facebook and I did the same. He kept IG. Further to this I questioned why the games? Why delete and re add and the ghost me when I mention? He said she meant nothing and she’s a work colleague and he’s never messaged her and he can talk to her at work if he wanted. He did have several other female work colleagues on his Facebook and IG. I let it go. We were trying to rebuild what I thought was a relationship but with trust issues it needs work. I went to his place for the night and he took a pic of me to which I asked if he can delete it because I didn’t feel right. I said let me see in the deleted folder if it’s gone! I was laughing until I seen random nudes. This all spanned the same time he went awkward with me. He claims he didn’t know where they came from and that the guys from work must have sent it or from when he had FB because he didn’t have it any longer and it was deleted. I still feel sick thinking about it. He literally held me as I was shaking and swore and still does swear he did nothing wrong. He said it was wrong to have the nudes and he should have told me when he got them but he hasn’t done anything. I decided to move past this... it’s been officially a year I asked about his divorce and if it’s being finalized as he promised. Turns out he can’t financially afford it, which turned into an argument again. “We aren’t getting married anytime soon so why does it matter!? I will get divorced once I can pay for it!” It’s hurtful because these are promises and things we spoke about right at the beginning he even asked me what kind of wedding I wanted in the future, what type of ring, how we would deal with our finances nothing was off the table. I let it go. Fast forward to 3 years and I am still in the same boat. We’ve broken up off and on several times and he claims I am the cause. The second time I got angry he added that exact same colleague that we argued about to IG 2x as well as another professional network! Are my feelings not justifiable? Am I crazy to not think something here? I asked him and he said he got rid of the entire IG but that didn’t stop him from adding her on the professional network (where he has other colleagues). 3 years and I decided I can’t take this anymore. I am still alone filled with empty promises it seems. He said it I stopped questioning progressing and stopped picking fights we would be moved forward by now. He accuses me of being dramatic, negative and never happy when I bring up when we would move forward together and if it will ever happen. He claims he wants to sell his house and move but yet no action. How much longer am I supposed to wait? He’s been great with the kids. I just feel less than. I feel like a fool. I’ve applied for other jobs again. It’s been a week since we’ve talked and I see he checks up on me every evening on the professional network. He txt how the interview went and I responded but we haven’t communicated since then. I need to mention that we live in diff cities and he travels to work and the colleague he kept re adding resides down my block. Excuses after excuses he would spend usually every 2nd wkd with me and the kids, his home alone as heated wood stove so he needed to heat it and couldn’t leave it alone for longer than 2 days. He travels to the city for work yet I would see him 1x or 2x week max. It’s always been an issue. He has no problems spending his wkds alone or doing outdoor things and maintenance yet we don’t see to be included. It’s hurtful. Yet he still finds the means to call and txt none stop asking about my day etc. I am torn. I believe I deserve better than this but it’s been brutal. Your thoughts? Thank you. With love.
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