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luvthesun

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  1. Yes more and more as the weeks and months go on, I am realizing how the relationship was all about him. I am realizing it is not selfish to have expectations that my wants and needs matter and are no more or less important than another persons. I will have to check with my gym if they have a boxing class of some sort. My mind wanders too much with jogging/walking so I have been trying other things. And working a lot on my house. Unfortunately nothing I can break though.
  2. What was weird to me is I only think about them when it's brought up. My initial reaction was only on him and how it made me feel which to be honest, does nothing to him. He has no idea of my reaction. All I could think about was how he did me wrong which like you said, negative energy is still energy focused on him. I am not sure if it is pride or what but my focus was how he basically used me which also makes me so mad at myself for letting myself be used. I have felt some better on reminding myself it isn't about me. Whatever happens to him and his relationship isn't about me nor my concern. I stopped worrying about karma because I have seen it too many times that what goes around comes around. I know I don't need to put any energy on him. I still am having my little moments of anger and obviously I am hurt still but I am trying to remind myself (repeatedly) that I deserve better.
  3. Thank you for this, it helps. I think back to our 6 month mark & how everything was “perfect” etc...true colors weren’t showing yet. I know I deserve better. I just wish I hadn’t wasted so much time on him & not realizing our relationship was never balanced.
  4. I have been actively working on myself. Dating I’m not sure I’m ready for. It’s been so long since I’ve been in the dating scene. I don’t want to lead someone on & I feel like I need to completely heal from this. It’s just I always feel like I go one step forward & then two steps back. Thank you for your advice it does help
  5. Yes I found out through an acquaintance. Fortunately he’s never reached out (that I’m aware of) & I prefer that. It helps to know other people who have had similar experiences
  6. Thank you so much it does help to know someone else has gone through this. I am sorry your ex did this as well. I hope I have made as much progress as you in a year.
  7. Thank you & you are so right! I do think he unblocked me so I would see it but the funny thing is I didn’t find out via social media. I blocked him when I saw I was unblocked. So if that was the game it backfired since I don’t know if it’s online. However it still got back to me through an acquaintance. Makes me want to just delete social media but not sure it would solve anything. Thank you for your kind words,.
  8. Thank you yep disappointing is right. I have him blocked I just can’t control who tells me what. I just politely ask to not be told when someone mentions it. It’s been difficult since he’s in the limelight around town a lot. Sometimes I think I should just delete social media all together but then I miss out on seeing things & people that I do enjoy.
  9. Yes I do think it’s nothing to envy & your right she will end up with the same person I eventually did. I don’t wish for him back & have kept no contact. I’m so angry with the situation as a whole (cheating, lying, etc) that no contact & blocking on social media has been no problem. I found out because someone I only vaguely know told me. I do agree with you, I’m not completely happy in life. I am actively working on that it’s just been a slow process & im not the worlds most patient person. I have taken my daughter to volunteer but I think I was so focused on teaching her the meaning & importance of it I missed out on the whole picture. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful for my mom & daughter because I am very grateful for them. Thank you for the advice
  10. I won’t bore everyone with the details but in a nutshell my ex and I broke up 7 months ago. He ended it for reasons that turned out to be excuses but I had found out he emotionally cheated on me. Fast forward to this week and I find out thru the grapevine that he’s engaged to her. This past month has felt like nothing but setbacks as it is. I posted a few weeks ago he all of a sudden unblocked me. I thought I blocked him from my end but I guess not. It made me very angry he did that, I felt like he was trying to get me to see stuff again. Never once looked at his stuff just blocked. Anway I will admit, this news hit me hard. I don’t even know how I feel. I feel very angry I spent so much time on him & gave him so much with little in return & he gives someone else the world who hasn’t done nearly what I did (he was hurt badly & is still recovering). I feel very sad & lonely as well. My life circumstances make it difficult to have a relationship as it is & that was one appeal with him was our circumstances were similar so a relationship worked. I don’t have a lot of people in my life & my family only consists of my mother & daughter. Friends I did have got too busy long before he ever came along. I’m not surprised he’s engaged at all. I am just a mix of hurt & anger & have no idea what I should do now. I feel like this breakup has drained me more than my divorce ever did. I should mention I have not spoken to my ex since we cancelled a trip that was planned 7 months ago. I don’t even know what I’m asking exactly except how to not fall into a deeper funk with this news. How to not feel so unwanted :(
  11. Thank you it is always nice to know I am not alone in my feelings. 29 years, wow! That is a long time I feel for you. While I still feel angry and a little annoyed, I am trying to distract myself. I feel like how dare you pop into my life after everything, you left so stay gone. That is where I am in my healing because I have had enough of his behavior. Distracting myself seems to be working at calming my anger. I am not the most patient person so I am always trying to hurry up and be over it. But I have to let it run it's course. As long as he is not popping up everywhere, I seem to be fine. But I guess I am still actually healing since it does affect me when he does pop up somewhere. I feel for everyone going thru the same thing, especially this time of year.
  12. Yes this does help thank you. I guess I thought I would be more over it since I already knew he had a girlfriend, I knew that 5 months ago. I guess I just feel like why all of a sudden did stuff pop up for me to see? I am kind of mad at myself for letting it bother me. But like you said, it is not linear. I also feel like great here we go again, he's on my mind again. Even if its a negative reaction to him, I am still reacting. I think on some level I always knew I was a "placeholder" until something better came along to him but seeing it does a number on a persons self-esteem and maybe that is the source of why I am angry. I finally got confidence back and right down the tubes it went.
  13. I don’t know if I need some advice or just need to vent. I have not been on here in a while, mostly because I was trying to heal from my breakup. It has been a little over 6 months since we broke up and I haven’t spoken to him since then. I have absolutely no desire to. He was emotionally involved with another woman and left me for her. We were on and off for 5 years. I will spare you all the other details because at this point, I don’t think they are relevant. I have been doing all the things everyone says to do after a break-up. I have spent lots of time and energy on my daughter, spent time with my mom, worked on somethings with my house that I wanted to do, got back into a couple hobbies I hadn’t done in a few years, gone to the gym, found a new book to read. I felt I was doing good. I had one date with a man but I realized I was not ready and there were a lot of red flags with him so I just stepped away from dating. I would like to meet someone but I am very picky and apparently don’t have the best track record with men. I was looking forward to the holidays even though what would have been our anniversary is coming up. He still pops in my mind frequently, way more than I like, but he was no longer preventing me from moving on. I made sure to remind myself of all the bad things he did to me every time I would start to miss him. I have never had a desire to contact him as he did a lot of damage to me with what he did and among other things. But the past couple weeks I feel like the universe is conspiring against me. I had him blocked from all social media. Well, twice now, I had to see pictures pop up of him with his girlfriend from neutral parties (a sports team I like and a photographer I follow posted him). Seeing the comments, I see his profile and a comment. I did not look at it but it appears I had not blocked him like I thought and he unblocked me. My reaction was not what I expected. I was furious he unblocked me. My social media is completely private anyway but I am very angry he did it. I feel like he did it to be vengeful and to make sure I saw stuff his when he tags mutual friends. He is blocked now by me but I am still feeling angry. I had to unfollow the photographer because it made me so angry and hurt he took family photos with her and his family but he refused to do them with me. I feel like I have just been set-back. I was doing so well, I was happy. Now I just feel angry. I don’t like the angry feeling I want to just feel nothing. I can’t seem to shake it. I am very much on edge and in an irritated mood all the time and I am afraid people will start to notice soon. I don't know how to let go of what I saw and get back to where I was.
  14. The timeline was only important because I didn't want to make it seem like something it was not. The only thing that was incorrect was I was not holding onto hope. I was doing my own thing dating, family work etc. Everyone past and present in his life rallied around when he got hurt and was the only reason I knew and was involved (it was made public due to the details). I guess according to the above advice I have to wait out my heartache and go thru the motions and grief and get to the stage of indifference. He is blocked so he won't be able to contact me unless he gets a little creative by going thru our families.
  15. I realize I’m trying to prepare for something that may not even happen. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much about it & cross that bridge if & when it comes....I’m a planner by nature
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