lost39-

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The BF is doing all the heavy lifting. You're just being deprived of no-strings sex for a few days.  Try to keep things in perspective.

Thank you, seriously that helps put it into perspective 

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Exactly. She continues to choose her primary relationship over a little thrill on the side to alleviate household boredom. Affairs are easy. They require nothing but lust and sneaking around.  

I can tell you now, there far from easy, bloody painful 

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Thank you. Sorry to dump on you I guess I am just remembering all the things he and his family did. 2 weeks until the anniversary of his death. We mostly estranged for 30 years but, abuse and horrible things are sometimes forever . 

Hey no need to be sorry at all, I genuinely feel for you. Sorry that I triggered all those horrid memories for you.

My situation in s%£t and we've brought it on by ourselves- I suppose this pain in kalma for me 

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

They are going away as a family, will have sex and bond and renew things. Unfortunately you are disposable compared to her partner and children.  You can hope it continues but affairs end sooner or later. But usually not with the lovers leaving everything behind and riding off in the sunset together. 

Mabe so but a holiday is just that and it won't last? We've been together through 2 Dummer holidays now 

11 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

No, no he didn’t. He severely abused me and my mom and my sibling. He taunted us with food when he didn’t give us any . He tried to run over my mother with a car I was a passenger in when I was 5 years old. I was screaming for him to stop and he just told me “ shut the eff up idiot”. So no, he didn’t . My mom tries to tell us that he loved us as much as he could he just didn’t know how because he was so messed up . He didn’t know what love was . 
 

We should all try to bring happiness to the world . 

Yes I know, I'm do sorry you were subjected to all thst abuse - sincerely 

9 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Can you please answer this?

I've not met the kids, or family (obviously) 

She says she doesn't know how to do it

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening, but you may need to prepare for the affair to end..

What makes you think this 

8 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I might be more sensitive because it is getting close to the anniversary of my dad’s passing . I don’t agree with anything he ever did in his life , but I did love him . 

 

Just make an honest person of yourself . Don’t be a person that brings unhappiness to the world.

Yes possibly and I totally understand that. Keep positive, yes he made mistakes but I'm sure he loved you unconditionally 

6 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

Oh ffs. If this is true then she needs to sit down and cut it off with him and take care of any responsibilities the two of them have together. 

She doesn’t get a free pass to f*ck around behind multiple peoples back, nor do you  

 

whats wrong with you? Jesus. 

Nightmare by name, have you no compassion my friend 

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

My dad had affairs with hundreds of women, including one of my mom’s sister-in-laws. It destroyed their lives , took my cousins away from me and me from them and almost destroyed my mom and her brother whose wife it was . It broke up my mom and one of her best friends. This happened in 1991. My dad is dead now and so is my “ aunt” . Inside my mom is still hurt and guess what ? I still don’t have a relationship with my cousins more than 30 years later because they are too embarrassed of their mother. They won’t face me. So yeah , cheaters they shouldn’t be judged. 

I feel for you and sorry re your dad and aunts passing .

I get this has turned your whole life upside down and i am sorry for that. 

No situations are the same and I'm not proud

3 minutes ago, NighttimeNightmare said:

It absolutely is worth judging and it happens to people who choose it. You know it’s wrong, yet you still choose to carry on.  Affairs don’t magically just appear in your lap, I’ve never done something like this

 

it needs to be judged and shunned because your actions and behaviors are going to cause life long trauma to innocent by standards 

So she should stay with someone she doesn't love for the kids? Surely there better off with 2 happy parents apart than 2 at each others throats 

5 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

But there was a point where you could have stopped because it's wrong. But you chose instead to live a life of lies.

How come your family and friends don't know about this? Is it because you know it's wrong and are ashamed?

You say you two want to be together. So why aren't you? If she loves you the way you claim shouldn't she want the world to know?

Take this time apart to really think about the kind of person you want to be. You can continue to be a liar who conceals things from his family and friends or you can end this and be a moral, upstanding person. 

Yes I've not told them because I am ashamed but we are genuinely in love 

5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ever been married? Kids? How did you meet?

We met at the gym initially then became good friends

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Ever been married? Kids? How did you meet?

I was in a 21 Yr relationship, I have 2 children 20 and 24 whom live on there own now

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

so what is the age difference with you two? are you much younger? 

I'm 48 she's 44

1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

so what is the age difference with you two? are you much younger? 

I'm 48 she's 43

4 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

You're too self-conscious to go camping solo but not too self-conscious to engage in an affair?

I got nothin'.

I only wanted some advice, not for you to come at me, yes im apprehensive about going alone but self consciousness (I don't see what that has to do with engaging in an affair

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You have any friends?

 

Only a few, they live with there partners so don't see much of them

34 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

When I was married it was unreal how many men didn't care that I was married and would hit on me even after I said I was married and therefore uninterested and unavailable. I also was told it was a big accomplishment among some men to "do" a married woman.

And this is not love. It's a crude fantasy. 

No its not like that at all for me, I can assure you - wasn't looking for an unavailable woman . We've known each other 15 yrs, friendship grew 

36 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Wow, the rate at which people destroy kids’ lives and their married partner’s life is alarming . So sad. And we wonder why the world is messed up . 

Pls dont judge as this can happen to anyone - I know its wrong - in need of support not to be judged.

I appreciate your honesty 

46 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I don't see where anyone insisted it would be "easy" to end this dead end affair.

And let's say the unlikely happens and she does leave her partner for you. You would have the joy of having a partner who cheats. And she would have the joy of knowing her partner doesn't respect relationships. 

Why are you not attracted to available women? No, this affair didn't "just happen". 

I would use this time apart to reflect on exactly why you're in pain, and why you would want to continue to be someone's secret.

BTW, what do your parents, siblings and friends think of this affair?

They don't know about it, yes i should of been stronger and walked away but never done this before And didn't know the heart ache it would cause me/her

56 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

If you had never met this person, what kinds of things would you be doing with your time?

Start doing them.

 Thsnk you all, Im thinking of going solo camping in Wales uk tomorrow buy feel self conscious, you think it will do me good??

17 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont think that you are on her mind when she went with kids and her partner to vacation. Otherwise she would at least find a time to message. 

Also if she didnt left her partner in 2 years, and they even take vacations together, there is a slim chance she will left him now or in future. They always say how they will leave their partner for you. They never do. You are just an affair. Sorry.

Also, also

No. Its not healthy not to eat because your affair partner is on vacation. Its a sign of unhealthy relationship. Which isnt surprising since, again, you are having an affair with a married woman for 2 years.

She does message me as and when she can 

I appreciate your honesty- but not that easy to end it when your in love.

But as you rightfully say I was aware of what I'm doing.

Just hurts like hell

Hi all, I'm a single guy and not proud to say I've been having an affair with a lady (not married but been together 20yrs and 2 kids) for 2 years, we are in love.

My problem is today she went away with her partner and children- I'm in turmoil - can't eat or focus on anything. I'd this normal to feel this way?

Will she miss me-, she told me last night I'm her everything and we always pour our hearts out to eachother. Its going to be a week of hell. Any ideas to ease the pain? Or coping mechanisms? I'm not after sympathy just some guidance.

Or is this just kalma 

We do want to be together 

Thank you in advance