DoneWithU

I know it will only be a month or two till you break up with him but the waiting is killing me, I don't know how to do "Alone" Single parenting is a nightmare, sleeping alone is lonely, the days the kids aren't here I nearly crawl up the walls in loneliness and jealousy.

I've really been trying. I work out, read self improvement books, meditate, focus on gaining empathy, compassion, kindness, generosity, mindfulness and being less selfish. I only hope you can see the difference.

I try to get out and do things but I only have so much time and money. Dinner out every night gets expensive, walking alone is well... alone.

I miss what we had, I miss having a partner in crime, I miss having a family.

47 with two kids and single is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Please come back soon before I loose my mind.

Although I'm trying to improve, my mental condition (constant anxiety) is making it difficult for me to perform daily tasks. I have become someone who basically works out and meditates to avoid thinking about my situation.

I'm not supposed to beg, but I beg you to come back, the sooner the better.

You crazy itch, I love you so much, you drive me crazy. I know it won't be long till we are together again. Nearly every day we're together we tell naughty stories about what we used to do, you tell me you had dreams about me or touched yourself while thinking about me, invite me to get my toes done with you, ask me to go kayaking, but you still feel some need to keep this new guy in your life. I know he'll be gone soon and hopefully we can fix what was broken the first time around. I promise you a life of passion, fun activities, love, trust and affection. I can't wait till we're finally together again. I just can't believe you've put me through this for the last two months, if it was to teach me a lesson, it worked. I never want to be without you again. XOXO

I had a great time with you today, lunch was great and worth the 30 minute wait, clothes shopping was fun, I'm glad I could help you change the wiper blades on your Tahoe and I thank you for allowing me to borrow your spare car for the next few weeks. Everything felt great except at the end of the day I had to go home to my own house instead of stay with you. I'm glad it bothered you when I told you I was going on a date tomorrow night, that's what happens when you dump your boyfriend, they move on.

Your right, your new boyfriend is not very handy and I can fix just about anything. I'm the better choice.

If you'd hurry up and get rid of the new boyfriend we could be together again, you know he's going to flip a gasket when he realizes how much time we spend together as "friends" and dump your ass, why not put him out of his misery and let me back into your life full time where I belong.

Love you so much, hopefully everything fixes itself over the coming weeks. I don't really want to date anyone else, I'm just doing it to piss you off, and it was nice to see that it worked. I guess if you can screw other people so can I, maybe someone can teach me some new tricks in bed.

Sleep well my angel, I'll see you again early tomorrow morning. Hopefully we can beat these odds. I really do believe we were meant to be together forever.

So what's this new guy got that I don't have? Is he tall like I am, does he own a company like I do? does he have friends and family like I do? Is he younger and better looking than I am, does he drive a nicer car, a bigger boat, a better job, more money, nicer kids. What's your new plan? You mentioned in passing that he lived in another state, when do you find time to date him? How soon are you moving in with him? Are your kids changing schools again? How can he possibly love you as much as I do?

You're trading having me 7 days a week for a guy you can only see once or twice a week and on holidays?

It's 4:30 AM and I can't sleep because these questions are running through my brain. How could you have thrown away our relationship for someone else after all we've been through?

I miss you so much!

Every day it gets a little easier to let you go but nothing will make up for the void you have left in my life. You were my lover and my best friend and now they are both gone. Its sad that from now on we won't share any of the special moments we did in the past and that rather than a deep relationship everything will be superficial and lies. Unfortunately I can't just go No Contact like the others here because you and I work together every day and I have to suffer as I watch you develop a new relationship right in front of me as I am left to fend for myself. Whatever happened to all the promises we made to one another, that we'd be together forever, so many dreams smashed, so many things that could have been.

And now you just make excuses and tell me it was caused by little things that in the past never seemed to bother you at all. You've manufactured reasons and excuses that you never would have used just six months ago. I don't know if I can handle this world on my own, please come back to me!

Many times I have wanted to find a way, a method to fix what I broke. To pick up the intangible pieces of what I remember viewing as special and sacred, glue them together seamlessly.

 

As days progressed into weeks and weeks to months one truth never left my mind. I had irrepressibly damaged you and us. For a long time you had taken the role of bystander and painfully witnessed as I attempted to throw myself away, drowning in my own self-pity, resentments, bitterness and I was good at it. Really good at it. As my addiction progressed I became more and more willing to throw everything away.

 

The willingness was not a coherent decision. I was lost in my own world. One occupied with insecurities, delusion and self-hatred.

 

One of my favourite sayings “drunk kev has ruined it again for sober kev”. I shake my head at this. Were sober kev able to be truthful, drunk kev should never have existed.

 

I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see anything. I was very sick and my mind was a total mess.

 

I dragged you along for the turbulent and sh*tty ride you never asked to be a part of. Unfortunately, I couldn’t stop the ride or let you off either.

 

My ambition, drive and purpose had vanished. I had two things in life, you and booze. I treated you appallingly, I take full responsibility for our demise. The actions and words I enacted and spoke were crazy.

 

The fun had long since gone and I was gripping on so tight terrified that I was losing you. I would talk of marriage and eighty odd kids in an effort to tie you down. I had nothing in life aside from you and booze.

 

When I went to AA last year, I truly wanted to get better, I did. I wanted so badly to get sober. But it wasn’t quite right for me. Perhaps the timing wasn’t right, the posting was not conducive to me staying sober but the simple answer is, I chose to drink and to excess again.

 

*******, I am so sorry for losing myself in alcohol and for putting you through what I did. There will be so many times you would have been hurting I am not and never will be aware of. I realise there is nothing I could possibly say to make it better or right, further, I have wanted to write this for a long time. But knew all too well, my motivation for doing so would be questioned and I told you I wouldn’t contact you again.

 

I know I have contacted you again, for that I am sorry, it won’t happen again. I just feel that time enough has passed for me to try to make amends. An important aspect of recovery is to be willing to do so.

 

This will be tarnished as I said something similar last year. Last year I did not work my programme properly or honestly. You are the second person on the list I have been willing to make amends to. The first is the man writing this.

I fear that Alcohol has had a large part in the demise of my last two relationships as well despite the women I was with were both drinkers. My ex wife kicked me out of our house because I drank too much but a week later I was there to clean out my stuff and I found HER half gallon of new vodka in the freezer... my current girlfriend complained about my booze consumption but always has a fifth of Gin in the freezer and a half gallon of wine in the fridge and she smokes when shes stressed. No excuse. I too drink more than I should and don't know if I am able to drink only in moderation or even what moderation is. Is 2 to 4 beers moderation? Is three mixed drinks after work moderation? how about when we go to the beach and mix up a pitcher of Sangria that we both drink together? What about the nights she goes out with her girlfriends and gets so smashed she comes home and first wants sex but then passes out only to wake up the following morning with a terrible hang over. I don't know if I can stop but I do know it caused issues in my last two relationships.

Thank you. It's difficult to see clearly when you're in the middle of it.

I was planning to propose to my ex for a couple years, and she left me because she met someone else. Therefore, she was never worth proposing to, and until she learns the importance of commitment and fidelity, she will remain not worth proposing to -- or even worth being with, to be quite honest. Arranged marriages have better results than laissez-faire marriages because the keystones are commitment and communication, not the short-term feelings that dumpers act on when they choose to go to someone else.

This could have been written by me, very similar situation and I could be married to her now if I would have proposed to her just two months ago instead of waiting and her meeting someone else.

A-

 

I'm so sorry I keep writing you. You won't ever read these anyways so what does it matter? I miss you so much. I was such an A$$ toward the end and it took me this situation to realize how selfish I been. You tried to communicate the problems and tried to get us help. And I met it with a brick wall. I was in denial of what was going on and this is the wake up call I needed. But the worst part about is I'll never be able to tell you. I'll never be able to apologize for my actions. I'll never be able to show you how sorry I am. I'll never be able to show you the progress I'm making. I'll never be able to see, hear, your touch you ever again. Everyone tells me I need to do this NC BS instead of just reconnecting with you. I hate it. You probably think I hate you with the way we left things but nothing could be further from the truth. You were the one, A. I had the ring and proposal picked out. We we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together. I'm so sorry I let you down baby. I will regret it for the rest of my days.

 

I know you're going through a lot right now. I'm so sorry I can't be there for you. Stay strong. Love,

 

N

Thank you for another sleepless anxiety filled night. The antidepressants aren't doing their job. I feel so alone, I don't know if I can take this much longer. With two words you could heal me, but instead you keep me at arms length, not letting me go, throwing me just enough scraps that I believe their may still be hope of us reuniting.

My recent ex took no time at all falling madly in love with someone else. I'm not mad at her, just sad and wondering how did that happen, and how did she fall so hard for them so quickly. She's a little overweight, a lot bossy and has three really annoying sons, I can't see anyone being that excited about her. (other than me). I know nothing other than he has a decent job and a few kids that get along with her kids, and I don't want to know anything else. I know they are going through the new relationship "honeymoon phase" and it may fizzle quickly but then again, she and I met quickly and jumped into things and it last almost three years.

So shes bossy and has three annoying kids, that's a few reasons I should not be so sad...

It's so hard not to text or email... I'm loosing my mind... "Take me back..... I'll do anything you want me to, I'll be a better person.... " blah blah blah...

It's been a difficult day, I've been driving around town trying not to think about it without much success. I had my doctor crying with me while requesting the anti- depressants this morning. I've got a few things I should be doing that I just totally blew off, but I'm trying to make up for it by working on others. What a day. I just wish I could re-wind about two months and have fixed this before it happened. Most of her leaving was my fault. She wanted to get married, I was perfectly content being an extremely loyal boyfriend forever as I've been married before and it ended in divorce.

Miss you, A. You said in the end you realize you could be making a mistake. Well, I just wanted to tell you, you didn't. It wasn't going to work with us at that point in time. But I am improving myself day by day and I hope you're healing and sorting out your life. I hope some day we can reconnect but my greatest fear right now is we wont.

 

I love you so ing much and it's a constant struggle to not just pick up the phone and call you. I want to know how your doing and I want to tell you about my life. It kills me that you were so cold to me last time we spoke. And the way I told you not to contact me again...you know I didn't mean that. I am just struggling right now and every time I heard from you the last couple weeks, it just hurt so much. Come back home. Me and Wrigley love and miss you.

 

N

I was going to write exactly the same thing. Thank you for doing it for me. I feel the same way. I need a lock on my cell phone to keep me away from it....

I know we had some issues but there is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. You are missed. I wish you'd change your mind.

You are a filthy, disgusting, aging tramp, I wasted 15 years of my life on you and I've spent the last three years trying to erase every memory of you from my brain. Karma has paid you back in Spades. You told me you'd find a new husband within months. It's been three years and you've slept with over 70 guys but not one of them has kept you for more than a few weeks. Less than six months after leaving me you had your second abortion, you had your first before you met me. You kicked me out of our house and I bought a townhouse. Three months later when you could not afford the bills on our old house, you told me you loved me again and wanted to work on our marriage only to move into my town house and try to kick me out then serve me with divorce papers. Four months later when we were separated, I met a girl 10 years younger than you with a masters degree in Psychology. We have had a solid relationship for two years and will soon be getting married. When I met you, you lived in a trailer park, I worked hard and we were able to move into one of the nicest neighborhoods in town, now you are in a trailer park once again. The sad thing is that you and I had two children and the courts allow you to spend time with them. You set a terrible example for our two young daughters, I'm embarrassed that they spend half of each week witnessing your rotating door of gentlemen callers. I hope you die soon of painful STD's so that my daughters won't have to spend another minute in the trailer park. I told you Karma was a b1tch.

I've gone a year of NC with my ex-wife. We swap children at a state sponsored visitation center.