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sweethome22

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  1. Being her father wasn’t mentioned. He clearly wants to stay with her and is defending her. To not say make it clear when something is a problem is just enabling her.
  2. And unless you make it very clear, she will consider this to be acceptable and normal for a relationship which it isn’t.
  3. Yes it is sometimes true that women are not able to have sex if they have things on their mind or are worried or anxious. But is that actually the situation here? Her behaviour is poor taste IMHO and not respectful to a partner. She openly admits that she uses sex to be manipulative. I don’t know why you would act this way towards someone you care about. Does she has low self esteem where she needs to do this to feel good about herself and wanted?
  4. To my knowledge, when you have a paid account for Tinder it allows you to set your location at anywhere in the world you choose, not just current location. He may have done this if he knew he was going away back to back but wanted to continue searching somewhere specific. Just a thought. You were only together a short time before he went away and if you are already feeling the need to go through his emails it doesn’t seem like the best situation for you.
  5. I am unable to add any more reactions to the comments 😞 but appreciate all of them!
  6. Thanks all for your opinions. It’s really made me feel so much better knowing that it’s not just me that thinks this way and outside of my family in the real world (!) people don’t act like this. Since I moved away I have lost touch with close friends and other than my partner there isn’t really anyone who I could help give an outside perspective.
  7. Some softer part of me feels sorry for my father because I honestly don’t know what he will do. But then the other part of me is infuriated by him. We are both grown women obviously but as a parent I couldn’t imagine having 2 children and not only can you see but you are actually enabling a situation where one is taking advantage of the other (not trying to get the violins out here!) But as you guys have said, sometimes people don’t get it or wouldn't admit it anyway. Moving forward with selling it will almost certainly end our relationship because I live away and he spends every weekend with her children so he is completely biased and i don’t doubt he would chose her family over me. *shrugs*
  8. I can’t tell you what a breath of fresh air it is for people to see my point of view. Thank you all so much. If I could go back in time I would have pushed through with selling the house back when my mother passed. I really regret that. My sister and I don’t even speak at this point so selling it and her moving out after her behaviour I can push through that. Her partner and their 4 children are their own responsibility even though I’m told otherwise. But I will now also be pushing through the backlash from my father who has now decided that he is entitled to live there when she moves to somewhere bigger. I feel like the only person in my family who lives in the real world.
  9. Thank you for your response. Sorry I have not been explained this part well. I applied for probate and was issued with the letters of administration and therefore already have the power to split the estate. The issue has been that my sister will not move out and especially now she a family there. And when I tried to do this I was emotionally blackmailed into letting her buy me out. Which she has made some payment towards. But has gone months without paying anything. And now my father is wanting to move in there but doesn’t appear to be organising this. I completely regret letting it get this far because I have only made a rod for my own back.
  10. Apologies for the long post and the ramblings but trying to include details and I’m nervous about posting! My mother passed away 9 years ago and her house was left to my sister and I. My parents divorced when I was late teens and we are both in our thirties now. Her death happened suddenly so there was no will but I applied for probate so the paperwork has my name and there was a small balance remaining on the mortgage which I paid off. My mother always said the house would go to both of us. My sister, who was still living with my mother when she died, continued to live in the house with her partner. At first I gave her the option of whether she wanted to stay there and buy out my half or move out and we would sell it. She went back and forth on this and obviously at the time it was difficult as they had lived there together so I didn’t want to force her into a decision. This rolled on and she ended up getting pregnant and after that baby, 2 more children followed in the first few years. Throughout that time, I was constantly telling her that it needed to be sorted but it was always something, for example when she was pregnant it was when she has the baby she would look at moving out, then she was at home with a newborn etc etc. I looked into her getting a mortgage but she doesn’t work (only her partner does) and their credit is so bad that even with her owning half of the house, they were unable to get a mortgage for my half. As the house is paid for they were basically living their rent free. My biggest regret in life is that I let it go on. It got to a time where I realised it was in her best interest to not resolve it and she was taking advantage of the situation. She didn’t want to move out but wasn’t making any attempt to pay anything to stay there. Meanwhile I have always rented and been at the mercy of either a landlord or a letting agent. I listed with a real estate agent and within a week there was a buyer. My family completely sided with my sister because she didn't want to move and I was accused of selling it out from under her and “kicking her and her children out on the street” (my fathers words) Like I am responsible for her children. I was basically emotionally blackmailed into pulling out and agreeing to try to let her buy me out privately so she should stay in the house with the children. So she was getting an interest free mortgage here to pay less than 50k. Her partner’s brother took out a loan of 10k as an initial lump sum and she started making payments to me to buy out the rest of my share For the first 18 months or so this worked ok not great but ok. She missed payments which eventually resulted in my father saying he would collect it from her. I have lived away for a couple of years now so I don’t always get back home for a few months. I returned home last year where my father told me that (most of) her payments to me were missing. Which resulted in an argument between me and him because he had obviously been telling me that she was sticking to it. I have nothing from her for a year now. I assume she must still be paying the loan back to the brother as it’s a bank loan. I just want a clean break because she and I do not speak anymore and I think she knows exactly what she’s doing. I don’t get any support about this from my father or anyone else from my family. He gets involved if it’s for her benefit or to keep them in the house because he treats her like a baby, he won’t get involved for me to say it’s unfair for her to live there for nothing. I didn’t even get a message on my birthday because of the tension this causes. For the past 2 years my father has been living with my grandmother since he separated from his wife and my grandfather passed. In fall he told me that his intention is now for him to move into the house. It’s become too small for my sister (it’s 2 bedroom, she has 4 children and her and partner) so when she moves out he can move in and will pay off me the balance she owes me. Being separated from his wife I think he is revisiting that he came away from the divorce without it and feels he is entitled to it because he put down the deposit and paid towards it while they were married (it was bought 36 years ago and he has been divorced for 20 years) This was supposed to be happening end of last month/beginning of this month and nothing has been mentioned. He has contacted me via message about something else and when I brought up the subject I got no response. This was completely expected because he is exactly like my sister in that they never do what they will say they will by the time they say. I didn’t think the situation could get worse from just my sister. Now I’m waiting around for my father before this house is separated? I don’t like the idea of pushing through with selling it for him to not have anywhere to live but meanwhile my sister and her boyfriend continue to live there for however long. The pandemic is obviously a factor in it now because my father isn't working consistently and I know he has been depressed and if I do push forward with selling I will be blamed again for forcing my sister out in the middle of a quarantine. Whenever I bring it up to my father I can pick up that he is sick of me talking about it and would prefer if i just left her alone with the house until she is ready to move out, if ever. I’m even doubting that I’m entitled to it because she’s been there for so long. Because I work and I’ve always worked I’m seen as self sufficient and I don’t have kids to look after. Relatives have told me I don’t need the money. Which is not true and completely irrelevant. I am in my late thirties and actually the money would greatly help my partner and I buy our own home. Honestly I’m on the verge of going insane. Am I ever gonna make a break from this situation. p.s I created this username a long time ago - the irony has not gone unnoticed!
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