Braytc

On 2/14/2022 at 2:57 PM, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, I'd say something may be up if she's not showing any actions towards you by then - who knows why? ( no affection).  

You could try going in for another kiss at least by end of next date? See IF she reacts back in a positive with you.

Another good thing to do or try is sit & watch a movie together.. couples often 'get cosey' with each other then.. sit close.. cuddle..hold hands etc.

If she doesn't react in a positive to that much.. I'd be questioning going further.

So today i asked her and she said "i dont think we meshed well or match" lol

Another one for the books

18 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

OP, this gets a little confusing. In 2015 you were 22 ....which would now make you 29 .  So, are you 29 seeing a girl of 18? If so, that could put put a completely different spin on things.  At 18 she's on a completely different level to where you are. Maybe a little young for you?

Im tired of saying it years ago i just made up ages. These are our real ages. What is so difficult here

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Yeah, I'd say something may be up if she's not showing any actions towards you by then - who knows why? ( no affection).  

You could try going in for another kiss at least by end of next date? See IF she reacts back in a positive with you.

Another good thing to do or try is sit & watch a movie together.. couples often 'get cosey' with each other then.. sit close.. cuddle..hold hands etc.

If she doesn't react in a positive to that much.. I'd be questioning going further.

I was going to see if she wants to go out again this weekend and that i would think would give me my answer, but since we went out the last 2 weekends maybe ill skip a weekend just to give us a little break from it.

We watched a movie on saturday this weekend when i went to her dorm and she didnt get close or hint towards wanting to be held or anything i thought i mentioned that maybe not.

At this point im kind of just sitting here, if there's a chance then good if not then im sure she'll stop going out if she doesnt want to

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

So you lied in the title of your thread in 2019, where you clearly stated you were 25. OK then. I just don't like it when people play games in an attempt to steer responses in the direction they want them to go.

I already gave you my example. I think my husband and I spent time together for about two or 2 1/2 months before there was a kiss. I kissed him lol. We obviously got married, after dating in an exclusive relationship for almost three years.

If she doesn't kiss you by the third date and you absolutely must have a kiss, then date others who are willing to kiss you immediately or almost immediately.

I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.

Are you older or when was this? Like i said between friends, friends of friends, and my past dates everyone at the very least shows some sort of flirting or kissing at some point i feel like months waiting is crazy but if it means at the end of it something may happen like in your situation then great. Im not forcing anything and risking damaging anything, im just sitting here being patient 

4 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

I'm trying to explain that I do not see it as a waste of time.. do you?

It is acceptable that some people do not see it necessary to jump into the sack on your first or 2nd date.  IF you can handle her taking it slowly, good.

And I mentioned some typical signs she's getting closer to you - sitting closer, good eye contact , a touch ( hand, arm etc). So, just watch for this... And, maybe if she still seems kinda stand-offish by your 4th date, then maybe she feels it's not there and to just have your say and you feel this isn't going anywhere.. then move on.

 

Thank you a lot for that, i really wasn't sure how to go about this. I want to let her take it slow and everything but I've also had people tell me that I need to make a move so it's kind of like a 50/50 shot you know?

So you think maybe give it till the 4th date and if she still isnt showing any kind of progress there probably wont be anything more coming from this?

10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay, good, so contact has continued from both sides.

I know, I am not saying you instigated anything - but were you not asking in reference to this? Why nothing's happening..yet? ( and how she mentioned how she is not into being physical right away).

So, all seems cool atm.  Continue as is.  Does sound like she has an interest.

 

Correct nothing has happened i was just asking you guys if you had any experience with this in your lives and wondering what results from it. Like is there a chance at a relationship from this and does this go on for months? That's what i was trying to ask

Im just not used to this at all so i was worried if this is a waste of time or what

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

I actually respect a teen who acts like that.  That they have some self control and won't just 'give in' to someone who wants to get physical.

She said she'd like to take it slow.  And was good that she wanted to have you over for a 2nd date.. as she's still trying to get to know you and that's fine!

IF she's all into you she will drop signals when she is ready to go all the way. She'll sit closer, have good eye contact and possibly reach out on her own. ( touch your hand, arm, etc). For some, things need to progress at a slower pace and that should be okay). You just keep on meeting up & working on getting to know each other different ways.

You said she's been quiet last cpl days?  Are you reaching out to her?  Do you reach out every time - or is it both of you?

 

I hope you're speaking in general cause I've said it many times in this post i have not made any advancements at all except a short quick kiss after the first date then that was it.

I did not ask her to go to her dorm. SHE asked ME to without even asking so i was in no way shape or form hinting at sexual contact

She just started contacting me again today so idk what that was about. Ill see if she wants to set up a 3rd date. It's been mutual, we both reach out to eachother honestly she does more often if i dont respond right away

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Knew what ahead of time? That you're actually 28? Why tell us you're 22 then? We don't know you. We're not going to report you to the police or anything like that.

I've kissed guys I wasn't "into". It didn't "certify" anything. And I didn't kiss my husband for months. However, getting married is as "certified" as you can get. And for the record I met my husband when I was 19 and he was 20. 

So you believe this other young woman you went on a date with has "certified" she's into you because she kissed you. Do you like the 18 year old more? The 21 year old is at least closer to your age, regardless of whatever "maturity" level you think the teenager has. I'd pursue the 21 year old since it seems to you the teenager is fading.

No ahead of time that im 22 and shes 18, just that im older

It just feels better idk how people dont see that. If you like someone and into them more than just a friend then you kiss them. It just almost hurts when someone doesnt

I like them both equally for different reasons as stated which is really hard. Im going out with the 21 yr old this weekend again.

The 18 year old has been starting to contact me again today so idk if she wants to continue and idk if i should even ask her. Do you think its smart to bring it up like "hey what are we doing" or?

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Asked and answered.

 

Anyways it looks like all of that was wrong because she's been ghosting me now the past 2 days lol for who knows what reason nothing even happened differently between date 1 and 2 

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Because you either lied in 2019 on the thread title YOU YOURSELF WROTE or you're lying now. It's relevant because the young 18 year old maybe is being more cautious with an older guy. She might think you're after sex or after an insta-relationship in order to lock her down.

Do you believe kissing means the woman is serious about you? Are you looking to get serious with someone right away?

She knew ahead of time is what im saying, we also went out together for 3 hours. She then proceeded to invite me to her dorm the following weekend as a "2nd date". I never once hinted as sex, never once talked about it. Never talked about anything at all.

Yes i do actually. That what happens about 90% of the time. How can you think it doesn't at least "certify" that someone is into you

4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, why not just be honest about your age?

It's clear you're fugding the details somewhere here. 

Can you stop? I told you and you're not listening can we stay on topic?

It's funny how i asked the simplest question "what does taking it slow mean, what does it mean when someone doesnt kiss you or show any kind of affection" since ive never really seen this before. And everyone is going off on all kinds of different things complicating it

4 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Slow down. Let her respond. If you’re interested in her be more patient and respect her boundaries. You’re spreading yourself too thin also and getting frustrated. 

Take a step back and don’t compare her with other women you’re making out with either. 

These posts are actually getting funny now.

Who said im acting too fast? I've done absolutely nothing.  Ive been just going out with her talking, watching movies, have done nothing  but hugged her. Never made any advance, never asked her about anything. Ive been completely "slow" about it so idk where anyone is making these assumptions or how.

Since we're on an anonymous online forum im just asking other people what they think about it. Why is this so hard to understand?

2 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

This is exactly how you go from dating to a relationship by not getting too physical and all distracted and actually get to know the person you are interested in.

 This girl is different than the others you have dated.  She has self esteem, self respect and doesn't use sex to keep some guy around. 

Think of it this way:  If you get along great, have fun and share common interests before intimacy then imagine how great it will be once you get there?

BTW kissing is extremely intimate to most people and to some more intimate than penetration so what you think is no big deal can be a huge deal to someone else.

  Stop trying to rush this to see if a relationship blossoms or feeling like you are wasting your time with her.  It takes time to really get to know someone so if you really like her and think she is special then show her by being patient.

Lost

Well to put it in perspective she seems to be have ghosting me all day today but we'll see tomorrow what happens! Like we had a great time last night, she texted me last night and this morning then started leaving on read all this afternoon and tonight so who knows how im supposed to react?

It's funny cause i went on another date tonight with someone great as well and they couldnt stop kissing me. It doesnt change anything about how i view them or why i stick around. Kissing to me just makes our bond even stronger. We had great conversation and get along really well and kissing doesnt make or break anything it just helps it.

The girl i just went out with tonight was 21. Its funny how you can go out with every person in the state and never have had 1 single relationship like how 

1 hour ago, East4 said:

So, how old are you finally?

Most probably she feels creeped out by a signifficantly older dude trying to get in her pants.

On the other hand, she enjoys the attention dnd the fact that she got an older guy wrapped around her finger. The player got played. 🙂

 

What i said in this post, 22

Did you even read anything? We met online, we went out last week for 3 hours, and she made plans this weekend to invite me to her dorm without me even asking 😂. If any of that made sense how would someone do that.

You're making so many assumptions. I've matched her energy completely, nothing has been "someone being wrapped around someone's finger" nor have i done anything at all for her to think that, unless she's on this forum? She's seemed really genuine, if anything shes after me way more than im after her

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

My husband and I didn't kiss for MONTHS. We hung out for hours and hours, talking and sharing food and going places together. Obviously the relationship happened.

Maybe she's tired of guys who pretend to like her but really just want sex. So she's being cautious. Nothing wrong with that.

How old are you really? Why are you being so cagey about your age? None of us know you so it's not like we're going to call her mom or something 😆

The one currently is correct, 22 idk why or how they even got the other stuff from it's not relevant to this or i would've said otherwise lol.

How old are you like when did you guys start dating and everything because that sounds way out of the norm. Now people do things relatively quickly. Not that kissing should be considered rushing something it's just a display of interest and affection

2 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

That's her pace. If you don't like it, you have other options.

It's not that i care either way i just wasnt sure what kind of message i was supposed to get from that. To me it feels like she isn't serious about it

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

omg you are 28? seriously no 18 year old is gonna be mature enough to be flirty,etc with a guy that is 10 years older. She's probably a  little freaked out/ creeped out.

I'm not do you really think an 18 year old would date someone older like that? Idk maybe they would but for our actual ages she's even told me she's much more mature than her age on our first date when we talked about it. She said she doesnt like how other 18 year olds act and that they arent mature enough for her so she dates older

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You met on a dating app and dating, yet you're terrified you're in the friendzone or she's not into you.

Date more mature girls your own age. She may be naïve or a virgin so stop robbing the cradle. A few of years ago she was playing with dolls. In your other thread from 3 years ago  claimed you were 25. What's the story?

 

But what is dating to you? It's not even that big of a difference to me at least, i dont really care if you're 18, 23, or 26

Those werent really the ages i didnt want to put the actual ages

Just now, MissCanuck said:

Good grief, man, it's been two dates. 

Chill. 

So then by your experience, what happens usually? I'm just to the point where Im tired of going out on a couple dates and never getting to relationship stage so how does it usually go for you?

4 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Slow can mean many things. She wants you to get to know her first, wants you to not use her for sex, unsure of her attraction for you, etc.

Give it a couple of more dates. If she is not where you want to be at, dump her and move onto someone who is more interested.

I really like her and it hurts going out and not progressing at all. I'm just really confused by what vibe she's trying to give out. Im not asking for sex at all, like i said personally i dont have sex for a while. But not kissing, holding hands, flirting just feels like there's no romance at all

4 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Absolutely. She told you exactly what she meant by "slow":

Im not asking about sex just anything at all. Not kissing, not holding hands, no flirting, nothing physical at all just makes it feel like a hang out session 

1 hour ago, Jibralta said:

I think she told you why:

Have you ever heard of someone doing this and what exactly does "slow" mean?

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

She meant she wants to take this so no sex right now. What is confusing about that? 

You need to take chill a bit, OP. It's been two dates. She's only 18. A couple kisses is perfectly reasonable, especially if she was clear she intends to go slowly. 

I am not sure why you are mystified or troubled. 

I get she said that and i never expect to have sex the first couple dates like i said. But it doesnt seem like anyone else i know does what she's doing.

She isn't physical at all and doesn't even kiss, again I've never seen that so that's why I'm worried.  What am i supposed to do, ask her? But i dont want to ask her cause that seems pressuring/pushy

I am a 22 (M) seeing 18 (F).
We met online and have been talking a lot.

I've been on a lot of dates at this point and i cant really recall a time where we didnt kiss after the first date and every date. Our first date went great, we talked for like 3 hours and had a great time. Right after the first date she was saying all the things we should do and made plans the following weekend without me even asking. After the first date the kiss kind of felt forced since i always want to show my interest in them by kissing after but she only did a quick kiss and then left, didnt really feel like she wanted to that much.

So we've still been talking the same amount as we've been, every day we text all day. She asked me to come over to her college dorm this weekend for a 2nd date again without me even asking. But what she said was "just letting you know i want to take this slow, so no sex right now." Im not really sure what she ment by that. 

So i went to her place this weekend and we were there for like 4 hours and had a great tine. After this date we didnt really kiss at all. But yet again still talking

Does anyone know why she seems really interested but doesnt do anything physically intimate or affectionate?