So I am in a new relationship, it's with an incredibly nice, caring guy who is very sensitive and basically a dream guy.
My anxiety is currently crushing me, I've not had this before in past relationships where I doubt myself and him so much so early on.
Background, I don't know my father, he left when I was 3 and I'm now nearly 30. I was abused by a man in my family for 4 years from 8 years old until 12 years old. My previous partner of 5 years cheated on me and we broke up Octoberish of last year. I fear these 3 key events in my life is causing issues with trust and opening up with current partner.
My mood swings are insane, I think I am subconsciously pushing away feelings in fear of getting too attached, and then I'll have moments of pure attachment but with that comes huge anxiety of him wanting to leave me.
Its tiring, for me and probably for him too. Trying to explain anxiety to someone who doesn't understand it is so difficult, the way my brain works and over thinks tiny details it's annoying as heck. He has been quieter past few days and usually we see eachother on a Tuesday but he wanted to stay at home, and my brain is going into overdrive thinking its all over.
I think im wanting reassurance that everything is OK and I'm not going mental.. Has anyone else experienced similar traumatic events and how has that affected relationships later on? I know therapy is probably the best thing but it's so expensive 😩 perhaps I needed to just let this out so I could take it off my weary anxiety riddled shoulders for awhile.. Sorry for the babbling.
