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crazyheart22

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  1. Not sure if anyone else can relate here, but I haven't been able to visualize anything for my future or set any personal goals. I think the reason for this is that any kind of goals that I had set in the past didn't pan out how I thought. For example: I set a goal in high school to go to my #1 choice college. I worked hard, got good grades, and was accepted to the college. I attended there for 1 semester and didn't like it. I came home at Christmas break and never went back and graduated from my local college instead. Another example: I got my degree in education to become a teacher. Again, I worked hard, got good grades and scored a teaching job right after graduation. I taught for 1 year and hated it and changed careers. One more example: My husband tends to let me down when it comes to "goals" around the house. He will tell me "this weekend, we will clean the garage, work outside, etc. and many times it doesn't happen, so I have just given up on house projects. We have a half-finished bathroom, our yard is a disaster, the garage is a wreck, but I just don't care anymore. I am exhausted by trying to set goals of getting things done on the "to-do" list and them just not happening. So it has put me in this mindset of "why set goals if they have disappointed me in the past?" I honestly just live day-to-day, with no expectations (that way, I am not let down). When trying to visualize my future, I don't picture anything for myself. I close my eyes to try and visualize what would make me happy, and it's just blank. I don't picture children, I don't think about growing old... there is just nothing there. Am I just protecting myself/my energy from future disappointment? With this struggle of not knowing what I want or what will make me happy, it's made me question my true purpose in life. I kind of just feel like I'm going through the motions of living, but I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal or having suicidal thoughts by any means, but I kind of feel like I'm just sort of waiting around until it's my time to leave this earth. For context, I'm almost 34 years old.
  2. They haven't said anything about it, but I wouldn't expect them to. They aren't good at confronting others. I would have to guess that it is noticeable, but they would never say anything. As far as the other issues, yes... all of the above. Marriage therapy was to address all of these things and how we don't get along. Health.. yes, he is largely overweight which prevents us from having sex, so between the weight and lack of sex, that probably contributes to the anger too.
  3. I have been married for over 8 years to my husband. He is getting really hard to be around... everything makes him angry. He owns a landscaping business and everything about it brings stress to our marriage. Any conversation I try and have with him makes him go off the handle. He either talks to me with an attitude or it turns into yelling. But it's not even just the business. Anything having to do with my family makes him go off the hinge. Anytime we are with my family, he has an attitude or any time I am on the phone with one of them, he is annoyed. It is to the point where I try and make all of my personal phone calls to and from work in my car. I've even turned down going to family events because I can't enjoy myself always having to worry about his mood while we are there. I find myself not sharing information with him because I know it will just annoy him and set him off. I don't want to hide things or purposely not share information, but I do it because it protects my own energy. I hate to admit it, but I get excited when I get home from work and he is still out working, or if he has to work on the weekends. It gives me a break from the negative energy and I can relax a little bit. Unfortunately, I am not happy with my current job (working on looking for a new one), so when I am at work, I am unhappy, and when I am at home, I am unhappy. There is no place for me to go where I feel happy these days. I don't want to end my marriage, necessarily, but it's getting hard being around my husband and walking on eggshells with what I tell him. We have tried counseling and that didn't get us very far. I'm just trying to think what I can do to fix this. I have shared with him that the way he talks to me isn't very nice. Sometimes he catches himself and apologizes, but it's just exhausting trying to have conversations with him anymore.
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