Not sure if anyone else can relate here, but I haven't been able to visualize anything for my future or set any personal goals. I think the reason for this is that any kind of goals that I had set in the past didn't pan out how I thought.
For example: I set a goal in high school to go to my #1 choice college. I worked hard, got good grades, and was accepted to the college. I attended there for 1 semester and didn't like it. I came home at Christmas break and never went back and graduated from my local college instead.
Another example: I got my degree in education to become a teacher. Again, I worked hard, got good grades and scored a teaching job right after graduation. I taught for 1 year and hated it and changed careers.
One more example: My husband tends to let me down when it comes to "goals" around the house. He will tell me "this weekend, we will clean the garage, work outside, etc. and many times it doesn't happen, so I have just given up on house projects. We have a half-finished bathroom, our yard is a disaster, the garage is a wreck, but I just don't care anymore. I am exhausted by trying to set goals of getting things done on the "to-do" list and them just not happening.
So it has put me in this mindset of "why set goals if they have disappointed me in the past?" I honestly just live day-to-day, with no expectations (that way, I am not let down). When trying to visualize my future, I don't picture anything for myself. I close my eyes to try and visualize what would make me happy, and it's just blank. I don't picture children, I don't think about growing old... there is just nothing there. Am I just protecting myself/my energy from future disappointment?
With this struggle of not knowing what I want or what will make me happy, it's made me question my true purpose in life. I kind of just feel like I'm going through the motions of living, but I have nothing to live for. I'm not suicidal or having suicidal thoughts by any means, but I kind of feel like I'm just sort of waiting around until it's my time to leave this earth.
For context, I'm almost 34 years old.