How Can I Deal With Unsolicited Feelings For My Old Friend?

Dear eNotAlone: I recently reconnected with an old friend. He's wonderful, and over the past few weeks I've started to develop deeper feelings for him. I never expected this to happen, but it did and I'm left feeling confused about what I should do because I'm married to someone else. Is it wrong to love someone other than my spouse? What should I do from here?

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It's normal to feel confused when confronted with complex emotions; while your situation can certainly be tricky, know that you are not alone in struggling with such a dilemma.

That being said, it is important to recognize the consequences of exploring a connection outside of your marriage, which may involve potential emotional or physical repercussions. In addition to this, you need to accept that acting on such feelings may significantly alter the state of relationships within your life.

Before you take any further steps, take some time to reflect on what your heart desires and if it aligns with the lifestyle you have chosen. Ask yourself, "does the prospect of this relationship bring me joy and make me excited for what comes next?" Think about how moving forward might change the dynamics with your partner and ask hard, honest questions about every implication.

Consider what you want in both the short-term and long-term. When thinking about the future, picture yourself five or ten years down the line; will the decision that you make be something you still stand by and be proud of?

While it is true that feelings change rapidly, it is key to be rational, honest and honorable when dealing with such matters. Be mindful about communication and the possible uncomfortable conversations ahead of you. If it helps, it is advisable to speak to a trusted confidant who can provide you with an unbiased perspective on the situation.

The choice is ultimately yours and you must decide what you are comfortable with. You must determine which path to take, but do not make any rash decisions; it is important to think things through and be honest about your intentions. Whether you choose to act on your feelings or not, each and every possibility requires immense consideration.