This question of whether or not to ask someone out who has caught your eye can be one of the most agonizing, stressful moments imaginable. Stuck in a limbo state, unable to move forwards or backwards, you may grapple and search for advice on whether the risk is worth taking or simply the wrong move.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution; understanding the potential consequences and being honest with yourself about the situation will guide you to the best decision for you. Despite the fear of being rejected, does the prospect of being with her outweigh that fear?
Above all, remember you don’t have to commit to anything by just asking. It’s natural to be afraid, but instead of letting it win, look at it objectively, as an opportunity to prove to yourself that you can take risks and come out the other side, even if the answer is ‘no’. Consider yourself brave for the attempt.
Weigh up all the factors; maybe you've noticed her sending signals or already know she’s attracted to you. Or you think she might like you but don’t know for sure. Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen if I go for it?”. A large part of the anxiety comes from the unknown. Once you know, it can be easier to accept.
At the same time, serious questions of whether a relationship would even work might keep you in limbo. Many relationships have started off as friendships, so if you know her well, you have an advantage. If not, it could be a safer option to get to know her better as a friend first. It’s possible to two birds with one stone and transition from friendship to relationship without jumping straight in. Get to know each other without having your goal hanging over you.
However, staying in limbo isn’t necessarily a safe option. Have you been weakly waiting for her to approach you instead? Will it even happen if you decide to do nothing? Alternatively, are you simply afraid to make the next move? If it’s the case, don’t let fear of what she might say stop you from giving it a go – otherwise you’ll never know if it could have been a success.
Acknowledge and confront your emotions, accept them, and let them move through you. Offer yourself compassion, confidence and resilience regardless of the outcome. It’s not an all-or-nothing choice; it doesn’t obliterate your worth if she says no. Wherever you stand, realize you're still a good person and judge yourself based on your effort rather than the reaction from another.
If assessing the pros and cons still leads you back to a confusing ‘maybe’, don’t force the decision. Wait until it becomes unmistakably clear which direction you should go. Most importantly, remember to trust yourself and your judgement. Now is when it counts; don’t give in to fear or doubt, encourage uncertainty and lean into it. There is power in the jump even if you don't know where you'll land. Take your future into your own hands and show yourself you're capable of overcoming fears and making decisions.
Keep going, take the risk, and eventually, the answer will reveal itself.
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