Ditta

I have had a bad day. My mum had to come over at 2.30pm just to get me out of bed. I didn't want to get up.

I washed my bedding. Painted my nails. Wrote a bit about my feelings.

But NC. I survived the NC

I haven't had one good weekend since you left.

Drinking doesn't help.

So I'm giving up the alcohol as well as you.

Ridding all the negative things in my life

My mum and brother saw you yesterday walking the dog down near by your mum's.

I'm a bit confused because you told me you were moving into your new flat Thursday! Was that a big fib or something? !

My Mum and brother said you looked a right mess. mis matching clothes and all worn out. I don't think you saw them.

This is the longest we have ever had no contact for. I wonder if you actually care. I wonder what's going on with your flat. I wonder if you are still as miserable as you said you were the last time we had contact?

someone kissed me out in town the other night. Other guys are showing interest in me since finding out I'm single.

I'm not interested in any of them.

It should have been you I was kissing.

Our relationship was no where near the end for me. There were no petty fights or arguments that made me kind of see what was coming.

How you can switch off just like that I will never know.

I must have made you pretty miserable for a long time.

I wish you would come running back to me.

I know you wouldn't even if your heart screamed for me.

I have to be ultra strong not to break NC today.

I know it's the only way forward.

Good luck with you moving into your new flat today with dog.

I hope it's dark and dingy with no love and cosyness. I hope it's riddled with damp and smells!

I hope it's cold and uninviting and deathly quiet with no warmth and totally depressing.

I hope dog pisses all over the floor send chews the doors and keeps you awake at night howling for me.

I hope you wake up every morning to harrowing emptiness and reminds you like a cold hard slap in the face of what you have lost.

ha.

good luck boyo.

you look miserable. you sound miserable.

you say you just want to jump off a cliff

so why have you done any of this.

I'm desperate to contact you. Even just use the dog as an excuse.

but I won't.

I'm doing so much better than last week.

Last week I was a wreck.

I feeling better about my future. Even without you in it.

I still miss you. I still love you. But I don't need you anymore.

One of my friends has just got with a lovely new guy a few months after she had a horrible BU with the father of Her two boys.

She feels really happy. Happier than she thought she ever could be again.

Its good to see it happens.

I hope it's me in the not so distant future

I sent you this lovely letter of how much I love you and how sad this is making me and how I would go to the moon and back for you.

But also that I know it's really over now. And you want to be happy so I'm letting you go.

Never got a reply.

You could have said something.

You must really want to be as far away from me as possible.

Was I really that Bad?

How can you just leave someone like this?

If you think the grass is greener .....jokes on you

your gonna miss me.

And when the time comes when you want me back....I won't give a $@#k

I was doing ok without you for a while. NC really helped. Everyday I was being strong, getting up, doing my hair going to work, keeping my dignity then BANG! you contact me.

You now hate that I'm coping without you. You slagged me off for seeing my friends who are just being there for me. And now you refuse to pay your debts and have left me with them all.

why are you doing this? I gave you your freedom as you wanted. I didn't beg or make your life hard. I listened to your feelings so let you walk away from me without clinging on. So why are you doing this now? Haven't you taken enough from me? haven't you made

me cry enough? are you trying to kill me?

I have nothing left only a world of mess I'm trying to clear up. I contemplated ending my life. I cannot take anymore from anyone. I cannot take anymore from you.

You got what you wanted so leave me the frick alone.

I'm extremely angry at you this weekend that you don't give shhhhh

I hope you get insanely drunk as you usually do and have Thee worst come down ever....and have a head full of REMORSE AND GUILT.

I can't believe even after you do wrong it's you pulling away from me.

How can you tell me you love me more than anything but cannot be with me anymore.

I can't believe you have blamed life's stresses on you detaching yourself. my god don't you get it that life isn't perfect. Are you just going to run away from responsibility and things you cannot control all your life? ?????

And our life was so much more settled than what's had

been with some of the difficulties we had been through and it happens now! now when it was all going in the direction we wanted.

obviously not for you.

So you need time and space to 'find yourself '

I can't believe you can just turn away from me. If it hurts that much, why are you doing it? !!!

The jealousy is already eating me up inside that you being you, will not have anytime to grieve, but you'll be looking for attention from new women, for self worth. I hate the thought of you lusting over someone new. I'm already comparing myself over this non existent person. How unhealthy is that!

My Mum says to think of it a different way. He's got his freedom but I have mine too! I can go out and do all the things he is doing.

And even when I dint want to I am forcing myself. I could stay in bed forever, face aching from all the tears I've cried.

So I push on. I'm trying to forget him and NC. Force the feelings out of my head when I'm around others.

From the outside I probably look ok. Only my family have seen me with my guard down.

I hope in a few months time, when he's had space to 'find ' himself, he will realise it's been a huge mistake. I hope he suffers and misses me like crazy.

And I hope by then, I'm me again. And happier.

G, I can't STAND it that you have moved on already just after a measly two weeks. Together for four and a half years, married for two. The being married aspect must have meant NOTHING to you.

I hate that I sometimes cry over you. I hate it that you have taken away the life we had and everything is different now. Because of you I have to completely change the way I live just to be able to afford staying this home, if I can at all do that.

I hate it that you didn't put up any real hearty fight for me despite how sorry you said you were and how much you loved and missed me.

I hate how on Tuesday you said you would do anything have me back. By Friday you had found a new apartment and were moving on.

You are a weak deceitful pathetic cowardly man. And even if you turned up at my door right this moment begging for me, I would turn you away.

we would never be the same again now. I don't want you in my life. But hurts so bad letting you go. I am sadqnd utterly broken and just trying to ride with it until the bad feelings go away

I hate that I love you.