tufa4311

Hey all, I think I've posted on this thread before but it's been a while so I don't remember. What are the rules for this thread? Should you post only if you have a story of reconciliation or can you simply talk about reconciliation? Second, I read a lot about boyfriends and girlfriends but what about ex-wives/husbands - have people on here remarried their ex's?

This is a great post. I am going through similar realizations about my prior relationship. I lost who I was and what made me an individual. I am recapturing that aspect of my personality back, and whatever the future holds I need to be sure to maintain myself alongside a companion or partner.

Thx wowor...

1. One of my ex's parents got divorced when he was a kid. A few years later, they got back together and are still together! He is forty now, so they have been back together a long time!

 

2. One of my friends married kind of young and ended up divorced. They went their separate ways for several years, including other serious relationships. They got back together, remarried, and have two boys!

Thx oldspinster, it's so hard to find divorced couples that reconciled, even here, and you just gave 2.

I guess that aren't many stories of couples getting back together after getting divorced?

I think reconciliation is rare. The Dumpee believes the two are soul mates but the Dumper doesn't believe so. They may have some realisation but only if they truly have made a grave error and not just a slight mistake.

I know what you mean Leftme. In my case, love didn't have much to do with it. My ex-wife, a relationship counselor, always felt we were soul mates...but I learned that love isn't enough, even being a soul mate isn't enough. There are so many aspects in a relationship that affect it - in my case, I basically became complacent. I stopped taking "action" in life, didn't reach out to make new friends, didn't go after the things I wanted outside of our relationship. Things like furthering my education, finding a career I loved even though I had a great paying career it didn't light me up inside, basically just doing new things in life. These are the things, in addition to just bad communication, that led to our divorce. She has told me that she could see us starting new, that she wasn't against it, but that she wasn't going to wait for it, for me to get out of the "funk" that I was in.

It's been said many times, in life, and in this forum, for some reason most people just don't believe that second chances can or should happen, that you broke up for a reason and that reason can never change, that if there was real love it would never have happened, that the "dumpee" has no interest, etc. From my POV, this is a somewhat shallow school of thought. For one, there very rarely is a "dumper" vs "dumpee" scenario. Yes, there usually is a person that brings it up first or says they want to do it first, but if one has experience with long term relationships, esp. a marriage, they know that break-ups are caused by actions of both partners. That the "dumper" did the dumping because they were not getting what they desired out of the relationship at that point - and usually the only way that happens is because they are not communicating well and/or the other partner is not listening. The dumpee almost always has at least half of the blame for what happened - they just were blind to it until the dumper basically explodes and is done...but the dumpee has to take a lot of the responsibility. They loved their partner but it's very likely they didn't hear them, or more to the point, didn't listen. My ex-wife simply wanted me to become more "alive" again, like I was in the past, but I allowed the work stresses in my life to cloud my head up, the slow me down in my personal life, to stop connecting with my wife and more importantly with MYSELF.

Where am I now? Where are we now. We are both living our lives. We are both dating others. I have become very active in my own life, I've become more physically healthy and more mentally healthy. With all that said, yes, I do love her, I am in love with her, and while I am NOT letting that hold me back in life I am also not going to lie to anyone on this forum or to myself about my feelings.

She has said that she wasn't against a future potential for us but will also continue living life, just as I have started to do. The reason for this post is this: I am now a player in my own life, I am now aware of myself in my life, and I am now going after things I want in my life. Yes, she is one of the things I would love to have again in my life and while I know it is too soon and I am not ready for it I also would like to hear how others paths have gone in this respect. For me, all this is something I see ahead of me, not behind me. And just as I know that I may not accomplish all that I want in my life like getting a second degree, like getting a driver's license even though I have epilepsy, and like reconnecting my with ex, it does not mean I will not try, try when the time is right....

Sometimes there is a very thin line between realism and pessimism...I know reconnections happen, I know couples remarry each other, and I know it is somewhat unlikely - just as unlikely perhaps as being seizure-free for almost a year after having them for the last 25 years (new meds). This is not about holding on to the past, this is simply about including reconciliation as one of many possibilities that may happen in one's life and getting something positive out of hearing others stories that have done the same.

I believe in recon! Sometimes you just have to experience life outside your partner to realize the greatness they bring to you.

Tell me about it! We've both started dating others, but she's always been the one, and as for her, she came looking for me after 15 yrs, but it seems neither of us were where we should have been and the big D happened, all that said, I believe is the sillyness of soul mates and wonder if this happens much, getting back together after divorce and time passes...

I see they happen a lot between bf/bf - but do they happen between divorced couples?

Lily, thank you. I am not "waiting around"...I'm taking care of myself, even dating, but I know who I love...thanks again

Tufa I work in family law. We had a client who's was deeply embroiled in his divorce...there were hearings, he had appointments, then suddenly he called up to say that he and his wife had decided to reconcile. At the time, he was a client for 2 years. He was on the course to be divorced, and that was well over a year ago that he called us, and I saw him recently...they are still together. We had another client who came to us for a divorce, and he got divorced. About a year later he got remarried...to the woman he got divorced from. There is hope in a lot of situations...I hope one is yours.

All these stories are great - the only thing I have found is that almost all are about gf/bf relationships - if we could get more on divorced couples reconciling that what be cool too. Thx!