Meloshski

I finally realise that your a coward, always have been but I always over looked it. I met someone new, she stands her back up straight and faces the hell thats delt to her. Thats what I always thought you had in you but now that I see the real thing. I just feel sorry for you.

I wish things were diffrent, I wish you had made a choice we could have worked out. But you wanted someone diffrent and not something diffrent and I cant change who I am, because I am good, I have been faithful, and no matter what you say I did and still do love you completlely. Our life was the happiest time of my life. Now i have to find the bricks to pick up that are still mine and can support the weight of our resposibilties while you enjoy your new freedom. Someday, I hope you will look back and see what kind of hurt youve caused. but by then your kids will be grown and I will just be something you dont have time to do right now just like all the other projects.

I miss you, i miss waking up with you, i miss having you near, i miss your warmth in my life. If i knew what drove you to leave me I would change it in a heart beat. But your with someone else and all i can seem to do is die of the pain. I wanted our lives so much why, why why did it have to be like this.

You make me feel like I wasn’t worth the Love, wasn’t worth the Vow, wasn’t worth the Truth, wasn’t worth the Promises, wasn’t worth Friendship, wasn’t worth the Talk, wasn’t worth a simple Hug.

I am left as a Shepard to the life that you felt was so worthless that you are running away from it, trying to erase it, trying to forget it. Even in the end parts of that life weren’t worth fighting for you just wanted to erase it all.

I don’t blame you. I don’t hate you. I am disappointed. You made so many promises over and over to me even after you told me you were going because you knew that you were the only one I have ever opened up to, that my heart finds comfort in, that you were my only friend. I needed you to help me through it, and you promised and I was the fool.

I still pray for you to find the courage and the strength to talk to me, to keep those promises, to comfort me as only you can, to let me know that the fourteen years of our life together that we built together wasn’t a complete waste, to let our family know they were wanted, for you to want to see the faces of your family again, to acknowledge that we might be separate but will still want to be you and me. Bonded life partners as you yourself promised.

But in the end, I have to face the Truth. It’s not courage, or strength that’s holding you back from those things. Its love, love for your new life without us, love for the person that you gave our bond to, love for freedom with none of the responsibly that our life has.

I have to accept that if you wanted to, you would, but since you haven’t, it’s because you don’t.

In the end, the actions are the Truth; the promises are just the lies. And still, I don’t hate you. I might be worthless to you; I might be nothing to you. Our life might have no meaning for you now or ever did for you.

But I am not nothing, I am not worthless, our family is not meaningless, and Our life had value.

And here I still stand in the ruins of our life, hurt, pained, and waiting for the one who will never come. Wanting to hear the voice of the one who will never speak. Hoping to catch a glimpse of the one who will never show.

Shouting in silence to the one who will never answer... Why?

I love you angie, may god grace you. Because i cant any more. Goodbye