sunshine12345

Honestly I’ve tried… I’ve been on dates and they never seem to progress any further. I feel I’ve lost my social skills and not able to connect with people  confidently anymore. My confidence has lacked and I have suffered from MH a lot on and off my life! I feel people reject me and this is where I’m trapped in this continuous circle ⭕️ of me not able to process! 
Perhaps this is my life which I’m going to have to except 

23 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

No I don't think she lied.  She meant what she said at the time, but it was based mostly on the "fantasy" of being together and "longing" which is different from actually "loving."

Longing - craving and obsessing about what you DON'T have.

Loving - cherishing what you DO have. 

When you met again in person after so many years, "reality" hit and whatever feelings she had died along with the fantasy.

I'm so sorry, but this is quite common.  Dont be too hard on yourself, you're human.

Life goes on...

Hugs.

I’ve been single 12yrs.. she was the only person who I have ever had that magical feeling before. I have truly given up on finding anyone. I’m 43 never married or had kids and times running out. I feel like my time has been and gone and I will never find that magical feeling again with somebody. I hate this generation of online dating.. it’s either a swipe left or right these days. 

7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So you have never been told that a marriage is supposed to be between the two married people and that having a secret relationship with a married woman is wrong?

Yes I know it’s wrong! And I guess I was caught in the moment of reminiscing the old times we had together! All the things she was saying to me felt like she still cared loved me etc etc! Or were they just lies? 

Not sure if anyone is still here anymore. But a week ago. We met again in person. Again we chatted and held hands / hugged. Last I heard from her was on Monday telling me she has struggling with her MH and needed to find out what triggered it and needed to spend time with her family. I’ve not heard from her since then! I really feel like crap to be honest! I feel I’ve been led down this rabbit hole and been abandoned! 

Just now, boltnrun said:

I wonder if her husband knows about her messaging you all day and telling you she's jealous of your date.

Nah I doubt it. She wouldn’t be messing me! 

So I went on a date the other night from a dating site. My ex was messaging me throughout the day and dropped the bombshell I was meeting someone for a drink that evening. She then told me she was a little jealous but also at the same time was happy for me! 

8 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I don't understand.  Well, I do ... I guess I am not grasping why YOU don't understand.

First of all, if you really wanted this woman you would not have dumped her after a mere 5 months of dating, especially after her traumatic experience of miscarrying a pregnancy (with YOUR child).  

The "ex" texting you a lot is not pertinent.  Texts are very easy to ignore.  

Anyway, you discarded this woman.  

You're a middle aged guy now.  Surely you have the self awareness to realize that you're just daydreaming about "what could have been."  It wasn't ever a reality and it certainly isn't going to be one now that she's married with children.

Perhaps you should spend some time in therapy to get yourself on course.  You don't want to spend the last part of your life in fantasyland when you might have opportunities to meet a true life partner, finally.

it's important to remember that we all make choices based on the circumstances and the information we have at the time. Back when I rekindled things with my ex, it might have felt like the right decision, even though it turned out to be a mistake in hindsight.

The last few days she hasn’t been as talkative towards me now and not mentioning the things she said previously. Perhaps the novelty has worn off with her. However it’s has screwed with my head slightly! 

47 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If all you want is a life partner why are you interacting with a married woman? Waste of time no? I started dating my future husband -we got back together after almost 8 years apart! -when we were 38/39.  We married and had our son when we were 42.  In 2009.  Dating has been hard forever IMO.

When my husband and I reconnected we were both single and we both wanted marriage and family.  I wouldn't have seen him more than once if he wasn't -we met just for a catch up platonic dinner - but sparks flew!

I think it’s the shock that she made contact with me a few weeks ago! It’s been a long time.. and it’s just dug things up again! I’m over thinking a lot of things again. Her distance over the last couple of days is playing on me. Yes perhaps what you’ve said she needed attention and I was there to talk to! I just feel sad and alone! It’s hard to explain how I feel right now.. 

18 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Again, dull marriage where husband doesnt pay attention to her, and she wants some atention by the side. You are the first one that popped her mind because you were together before and even got pregnant with your child. 

But doesnt want to actually leave her husband(if I would have to guess her husband is the main source of income for her and kid(s)) and notice how she sneakily says how "She doesnt want you to put your life on hold but you will maybe be together in future". So she could say to you later how "She never forced you to put your life on hold for her".

Again, just the attention seeker and nothing else. And there is nothing for you there to find. Sorry you got caught in a fantasy and thinking how she will leave her hubby so you could be together. Its not a realitic outlook at things. And again you would knew that if you were ready to date seriously. 

She does work and so does her husband. But her hours are a lot shorter obviously to take care of the kids!!

Yes I did hurt her.. I was in such a big mess back then as my ex was constantly bugging me with messages of how she wanted me back whilst seeing this other girl. It played on my emotions. I took the safer bet and went back! Now I wish I hadn’t but you can’t change the past. I’m 43 now and all I want is to find a life partner to start a family with. Todays modern dating is rubbish. It’s even harder to date and find that special person these days!!

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

Let me translate that for you:

I would like your attention. And for you continously to shower me with the same. But I dont want any obligations from my side, I just felt bored in my dull marriage and wanted something to feel desirable again.

You are in no way, shape or form ready for a long-term commitment. Otherwise you wouldnt be grasping at straws and go for somebody who is married and who is seeking attention to make her dull marriage more tolerable. She is married. There is nothing for you there. If you are in more healthier mindset you would see that too. And not grasp at straws with some "long lost love" narrative. 

Why would she say to me she’s been thinking about me all of these years?

Hi thanks for your input. She wasn’t a fling. We were together 5 months. That might not seem long enough to get to know someone properly. But have you ever found yourself in a relationship that moves so quickly it feels like you’ve been with them for years? That’s how it felt. No one has ever made me have these feelings before and that deep connection! 
 

I met this amazing person back in 2012. We had such a good connection together. We would hang out all the time, go on random road trips, had amazing sexual chemistry! It was so different with her from all the other girls I’ve dated in the past! I felt she was my soulmate and truly believe this to this day she is!

However during that time when meeting her, I had not long split from an ex.. who was still lurking in the background. At that point I told the ex I had met someone new and didn’t want further contact from her. After this I got bombard with texts from her telling me she wanted me back etc. This truly gave me the biggest head *** ever, as I was caught in this love triangle with two women wanting me! The girl who I met became pregnant months after we met with my child but then lost it due to miscarriage.

I stupidly went back to the ex! A huge mistake! I spent the last 2/3yrs with her and I was so depressed. I was pining for the other girl every single day and I felt trapped as I couldn’t go back to her as me and the ex moved in together and this other girl eventually met someone else.

Fast forward 12 yrs now.. both are married and have kids! I’ve never had a relationship since… I’ve dated but nothing has got to a point to progress into a relationship. I have lived my whole time on regrets and stuck in this continuous cycle that never seems to end!

I recently got a message out the blue from the girl I got on so well with. She randomly messaged me on Facebook. She’s still married tho!

Anyway we’ve been messaging over the last few weeks and some of the messages are a mixture of every day life, to her saying she has been thinking about me all these years and that she still believes we are soulmates! She even goes on to say she has stalked my social media accounts over the years just to see how I was getting on! We can message away for a hours at a time.. and she mentions she loves speaking with me!

During one of the messages I suggested we should meet up one day and catch up. She dropped subtle hints the other day that she was going for a walk and said are you coming down to meet me. So the other night we did whilst her husband was at home with the kids!

She was telling me that she still loves me and that our connection was like nothing else. We chatted for a while and she said her husband isn’t like me. He isn’t tactile etc and it seems like he is currently depressed atm due to health issues happening with his parents. I then when on to ask her how they met and she said over the same dating site we had met on. But she then went on to say she didn’t find the attraction straight away with him. But I guess in time she did eventually! 

she has  also mentioned a few times maybe in the future we will be together but she doesn’t want me to put my life on hold if it doesn’t happen. She would however like to try and be friends with me! 

During our meet, she kept wanting hugs off me! Nothing else happened tho! 

I know this is very bad… but I still have feelings for her! It’s as if my feelings have resonated which were buried deep inside of me! She is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met. I have so much regrets, as I should have been the person she should have married and had kids with! I’ve always wanted that family unit and now as time is passing I feel I’ll never get that opportunity now! 

Last couple of days, I feel that she’s distanced her herself a bit. She isn’t saying the same things to me as before. Perhaps I’m overthinking and she’s busy with family life but I am feeling something  is up! 

I’m actually crying on in the inside as I should have been the one who should’ve been married to her and had kids with.