dstein

Day 17 of NC. Today I just feel sort of numb and ambivalent. I have checked his stupid FB page though, because I can't seem to stop yet. We also have 40+ friends and family in common. Still has a picture of us as his avatar. Makes me crazy.

I also feel a little sad.

I rarely post but I spend a LOT of time on here. I am on 16 days NC today, ONLY because of this site. My ex moved out on 11/30 after almost 4 years (my story is in my older threads). I have survived both of my kid's birthdays, what would have been our 4 year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's Eve, New Year's day...I couldn't believe how much all of those markers hurt. HOWEVER, I am eating and sleeping now, I do not have a huge pit in my stomach, I barely cry and if I do it's brief. He does get back to town today-he has had the luxury of being on vacation, surrounded by his family and friends since the last time we spoke...this makes me nervous since there is some unresolved household business to attend to, as well as the fact that he still wanted to sit down with each of my teenage boys to get closure or whatever with them. I know I will hear from his sooner or later...

I am still totally devastated and heartbroken but there is something really empowering about NC. None of my friends can believe I can do it-they are all so furious at the way this all went down and the way he has "disappeared".

Thank you to all of you...I read and absorb EVERY WORD.