Volkslad

Day 11..or it would have been..but we work together and she dropped by my office today to have a friendly chat. I wasn't rude, but I wasn't friendly, I was brief and ambivalent. But I also did not want to say, again, we can't be friends, let's both just move on. I've already said it and don't need to say it each time she comes for a visit.

Frankly, I don't need her to know that her visits affect me, because they don't as much anymore. And it's not worth letting her know I still hurt..because that is what saying I don't want to be your friend means.

I will not seek her out, if she wants to come to me and try to be friends, let her try..but it won't happen.

Day 11. Think I had a 2 steps forward week, and a 1 step backwards weekend. Backwards not as fun as forwards..

Going to go have an ice cream sandwhich.

I've kept some of my ex's texts on my phone as well. Just can't delete them all just yet.

I deleted all our texts and emails about a week ago. I used to save them and see if there was some hidden meaning...the hidden meaning in them all was I still want you in my life. Too bad, not going to happen under her terms.

Saying I would NOT be just her friend and that I was moving on was the best thing I did..for me. I still spend a lot of time thinking about her, but more and more I think..why the hell am I still thinking about her? Time will take care of that.

Day 10, round 2 of NC.

Day 7. She came into the kitchen at work and said, "I could smell your cologne in the hallway", I said, "that's a good trick, I'm not wearing any"..and left.

I'd like to do full NC, but try working 50 feet from your ex! Any contact where I'm minding my own business and get talked to can't count as breaking NC..can it?

Day 6, round 2 of NC. Saw each other at work today..I'm starting to wonder if she is more affected by seeing me, than me by seeing her. Actually I'm fine seeing her, what I miss is a romanticized version of what could have been I guess.

I thought to myself that she didn't look very good today when I saw her..that's got to be a good sign!

Day 5 round 2. Bad day, but I've had worse. M'eh.

On Day #5...though it's been over two weeks since I first started the NC thing (broken only for the job-related e-mails). I'm so glad I did this--when I started out I honestly felt like I was being a tad melodramatic (possibly because the ex told me I was being melodramatic) and that it was a little pathetic of me not to even be able to talk to him casually when he clearly has no problems whatsoever seeing me as just a friend.

 

But even these two weeks of NC have given me SO much more clarity about the whole situation. Not having him constantly being in contact has allowed me to really take a hard look at our relationship and how he treated me in it, and I consequently feel better able both to acknowledge my feelings and my right to have them...

Damn right! A little time and space does a lot for clarity. While I was in daily contact with the ex I thought that without her I would crumple. Now, slowly but surely, I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty f'in awesome..and that's why she wanted to stay friends with me so badly..but no way was I going to get friendzoned! Either be with me, or don't..but there will be no middle road!

Back at Day 1.

 

Naturally I'm obsessing over "Why is he mad at me?" but I'm not going to break NC to ask. It's his problem, not mine.

 

I wish I didn't have this personality where I can't stand if people are mad at me. It only goes doubly for my ex.

 

 

I have the same problem with not liking people to be mad at me. And my ex is also mad at me for saying I don't want to be friends, that we both need to just move on.

 

For them, they don't see the problem with being friends, and think we are irrational and mean for not continuing the friendship. So they get mad at us.

 

What they don't realize is the pain they feel from us not wanting to be friends anymore, pales in comparison to the pain we feel when we are around them as "friends".

Day 1, round 2 of NC. Bleh. Knowing you have left things in such a way that you have made it clear you will only accept all or nothing is good, but knowing it is likely to be nothing is not so good.

Oh well, this too shall pass.

Meh, or m'eh..is a feeling of ambivalence..not really caring one way or the other. At least that's how I use it.

His loss..you were probably too awesome and he couldn't handle it!

It will get better, it always does.

Day 10..or it was. I broke NC today.

We work together and being all mad at each other and not talking was an unnecessary burden..we DO have to spend 8 hours a day in the same place after all.

I went to her desk at the end of the day today and said that I wasn't mad when I asked for space, it was just something I needed to do. I also said that I would always care for her, and would always be there if she needed me. She said thank you for coming over and saying that, and that she too would always care about me and do anything for me.

That my friends, is some good closure. I'll talk to her, or not, and the world will keep turning. That said, if I hadn't given it 10 days of NC, I would not have been able to do it. Space is good.

Day 9..still think of her all the time, but not in the same way. M'eh, it too shall pass. What an idiot I was to beg for her.

NC is the ticket..tried LC for a month and it got me nowhere except closer to the friendzone. Why the hell did I even consider being friends with someone that wouldn't fight..even a little bit..for me?

She's mad about the NC, no doubt, and I had an urge for the last two days to actually apologize for it. So glad I didn't.

Hang in there everyone!

Day 8.

Saw each other in passing at work..but no communication.

Got to the elevators at the same time leaving work, someone else was there too, so she chatted with her..good thing as I wasn't sure what we would say to each other.

On the elevator ride down, she wouldn't even look at me. I guess she's mad about the NC and was trying to show me that she too could play the "I'm pretending you don't exist" game.

She probably got even madder when she stepped off the elevator and saw my ex-ex there waiting for me. She went to leave the building, but had to come back in...she gave my ex-ex the biggest happiest HI ever..but wouldn't even glance over at me.

I guess she'll be ok with the NC from now on.

On day 7, and I almost broke NC an hour ago.

Saw her today at work, and for the first time in a situation where we had to say a hello. We did, a how are you? fine, you? fine. and I moved on as soon as I could. So I don't count that as breaking NC.

Then at the end of the day I found myself on my way to her desk! I didn't like how we went into NC a week ago, basically me saying I needed some space while she was trying to have friendly chat about nothing with me..so I wanted to say something nice (always be there for you, etc) before resuming NC.

Thought to myself just before I saw her, so you're coming over here to tell her nicely that you still need space and don't want to be her friend or talk to her right now?

I know seeing her and having a chat would have set me back considerably. And earlier today was the first time I could demonstrate that, no, things between us aren't going to be like they were before..I won't be "just a friend". What message would me showing up and trying to apologize for a week ago have left? Not a good one.

I thought earlier today I had progressed further than I actually have. (sarcasm)Whoever wrote something about going into NC on good terms on another thread, thanks a lot! (/sarcasm)

Today is day 7.

I work with my ex, so how about a rule clarification?

I was in the kitchen when she came in. She asked, how are things? I said, things are good, thank you..you? She: They're good. Then I walked out.

Does that count as breaking NC? I didn't add any additional chit-chat beyond the bare minimum.. I don't have to be rude do I?

I thought I was doing ok for the last two months until it hit me yesterday that I'm really NOT fine.

It's ok to let out some emotion every once in a while. Usually once it's out, it can't get back in..and you're all the better for it.

Sign me up for the challenge!

I am on day 6 of NC.

My story is here:

Actually saw her at work for the first time today since telling her I needed space and started NC...and was surprised at how little it effected me. First of all she was in my part of the office, and she has NO real reason to ever be there, and the second she saw me she took a step back from the person she was talking to..to put her back closer to the wall, and turned herself sideways. As a person with a pretty good understanding of body language, it means she is a little intimidated by me..and she was probably wishing she hadn't strayed over hoping to see me..because she did..and it hurt! May not be true, but who cares? NC and a little imagination can be empowering!

Doesn't mean I haven't thought of her every second since then..but no real longing for her, or a desire to talk to her though.

Small victories.

I love love the feed the birdie theory also

What is this theory?