minigirl

THanks Honeyspur,

I am a type of person who avoids things.

It was hard for me to go through a day and then type out my feelings at night. It made it harder for me sleep. Its easier when I go through the day and not think about how I feel and then on to the next day.

I'm not giving up NC.

Just giving up the expressing of the negative feelings at this point.

I dunno if it makes any sense.

Trying to fight the battle in a diff way I guess.

I've decided to quit this NC challenge.

I'm quitting this NC challenge because I found its easier to jsut do NC without posting my feelings.

Sometimes a day passes and I feel good.

But then Im forced to sit and really think how I feel inside.

Its easier for me to pass a day and feel good about myself.

But its harder for me to come back on here and post my feelings.

When I do that, I feel like Im searching for feelings to write and it ends up making me more sadder or opening the can of worms.

I think for now, Im going to take it day by day but deff NC at all from me.

Just not going to post anymore of my feelings.

I just want to forget it all if possible, will make it easier on me.

I cant handle all these emotions everynight again.

I cant seem to be able sleep all over again.

Day 2

Yesterday for some odd reason, was a bit of a bad day.

My mind thinks of him everyday, but yesterday I imagined all the bad senerios.

Whether he is or is not with someone, I imagined it.

I imagined him with some of the hotters girls that we mutually know.

I imagined him married and him cheating on the wife with me.

I lost my mind yesterday.

Though it isnt, I just kept imagining the worst possible senerios.

I wanted to feel all the pain I can possibly feel so I couldnt feel anymore pain.

Duno if it;ll work, but i hurted myself yesterday.

Day 3

Today was a bit better.

I was busy.

I had a mutaul friend of both of ours who didnt like us both together come up to me and act friendly.

It felt weird because I thought she wanted soemthing out of me.

I gave nothign and kept it short...I didnt want to hear anything to upset my mood.

I also ran into another friend, she asked about him.

Wether she knew we dated or broken up, I dont know

whether she tested me, i dont know

I simply answered her I dont know.

I think I did well and tried HARD to not focus on it and let it affect me.

I still think of him everyday but Im trying to think of the good and bad with sense and try not to let it affect as before.

I see our starbucks, I rememebr the memory and try not to dwell on it.

Im trying .. I really am.

Im proud of you minigirl!!

Thanks minigirl...

Day 1

We no longer have to see each other.

We probably will never run into each other again.

My heart hurts but I am forcing myself to move on (Its been 2 months)

I'm allowing myself to think about him now, and I deep down inside do miss him and cant understand why he would just pick up and leave.

I dont know how he could love me one min and give up the next.

But today will be the LAST day I will cry for him.

today will be the last day I think of him in a longing way

A few days ago, I made the choice to force myself to move on and stop reliving the pain.

Yesterday he returned a 1 week old email with nothing in it.

Nothing that I can pull hope out of.

My heart fluttered and I was scared/ excited to open it.

But from today forward,

I promise myself, I can't let it hold me back anymore.

I need to move on.

I WILL NOT think about you in that way anymore.

I WILL NOT torture myself with questions of why and what if and if onlys

I need to delete our memories temporairily.

I'm not going to allow myself to hurt over our memories.

I'm sorry.

At this moment, I dont want to ever see you again in my life.

ANd now I'm starting Day 1 of NC.

Please, and I know you wont, dont contact me.

If I can ask for anything, please give me time and let me heal.