MsBear

Let me join the Camp again, something is hurting me right now

I didn't send anything on his B'day as everyone else told me so, but I'm a bit clueless about this moment

I feel sad, just sad, so let me take the challenge again

30 days from now on

24/8 ...Day 1

Day 13

I was doing well for few days

But the 3 past days were unbelievably hard for me : I dreamt random things about him

Wish my pain would go away as soon as possible

Day 5

Got my exam results, well like before I did well without being with you B-)

Im telling you now, Im not perfect but I do try hard and do my best everything, tried to save a relationship but I guessed I was too wrong Im done with the hoping

Gotta sort out documents for tomorrow, my hell starts

Day 4

Set out a plan to do research on IB, pretty tough, too much to get to know

It rained again

I turned on the TV , there were some channels from his country, the appearance of such things made me feel weird, year ago, I watched them with excitement and decided to learn his language...

I dont know how I feel, am I upset, disappointed or too indifferent to feel anything ?

Deep inside I know there's no chance of getting back because I dont want to, but...

Day 3

Its weird how slowly the time goes by this time

The 1st time I took this challenge, time went so fast maybe Im on holiday now and dont have work to do so I think its longer

The same feeling everyday, REGRET, i was so blind to see what was true, what was not...all lies that I believed in...

Last night, I had several nightmares, they seemed like a combination of all horror films I have watched...felt so scared and hopeless

I doubt if there is the one for me

Feel like I want to give up finding the other half, dont wanna offend male friends but I can only see jerks

Day 2, the 2nd counting

I had a very pleasant night, thinking about years later if I would meet my ex

I will look cool, by that time I will be having a stable relationship with The one, a well paid job and will look down on him

For the meantime, all my power has to be devoted to work through my plans

It looks like a revenge but its not since its something for me to work for

Back to day1 which should be 35

Well, checked his Facebook page, gosh, what the hell is wrong with me ?

Nevermind, count again

Thanks for ur thoughts =)

My ex is super jerk, he doesnt call me back or try to contact me simply because he is scared of me, when we broke up, he asked his best friend to call me to calm me down after I found out his cheating because he was scared that I would do something to his bank account and credit cards as I had the details ...sorry but I have never used his money to buy anything...

Still, I think about him, its rather obsession than anything else, I have so much more to care about rather than a jerk who just wants to use me rather loves me and he is just a biggest liar ever ...

Its day 35, Im going to the spa to have some massages and manicure treatments...gonna treat myself and improve me inside out lol

Day 34, I woke up at 2 am and couldnt get back to sleep again..

The same feeling of regretting emerged again...

How much I wish that I had never met him before, I didnt even like him when I first saw him, gosh, how could I be that blind to fall in love ?

This morning, I recalled all the bad things that people did to me, I didnt take revenge and the karma thing did work, it just took a little time and they all paid their price... I wonder...

Day 33

Its too hot here in my home country, summer just starts...

I slept nearly a day because of Jet lag...still I woke up in the middle of the night, felt so regretful... I regret those memories with him, I mite have shared with the one...biggest mistake ever in my life and now im feeling hurt...

Just waiting for my friends at home to finish their exams so that we can organise a holiday together..

For the meantime , gotta start my research on Investment Banking and Finance for the summer.

@Smickey Im not in London anymore I lived in Croydon for 2 years tho but most of my best friends are in London so is my ex, so I go to London quite a lot but luckily, havent bumped in to my ex lol. Hope socialising has helped u so far, good luck, im on holiday back in my country

Dear Smickey, thanks a lot for ur advice =)

Day 29 which was yesterday, went out shopping, such a gloomy day... felt so moody, oxford street reminded me of him but it was just that...

Day 30, Im watching film at the moment, feel a bit sad but anyway I feel alright on my own

Gonna go to buy some food and cook for friends before I leave for the holiday

Send some cards to friends... I sent him so many cards before, everytime I missed him I sent a card...

Well, its the end of the challenge right?

For me, if the ex hadnt appeared out of sudden a month ago, I would have had 4 months of NC

From the beginning, I didnt want to get back with him or to do anything with him, most of the time I regreted that I met him

So, this is to get myself back on track and find the one who treats me right, so far its feeling good and I dont want to ever meet him in my life. I cut off contact even with a common friend of us although he is such a good friend but I just dont wanna hear anything from him that involves my ex

Keep it up everyone, the pain does go with time, just be gentle to urself

Im gonna continue the challenge =)

P/S: Im glad that I didnt lose my virginity to u, jerk lol

Day 28

Such a tiring day, lots of luggages to carry for such a long way

My heart was frozen for a while when I heard the announcement at the station where my train stopped... "This train is to Wimbledon...."..I felt like I could burst into tears...

Sitting on the bus, there was a car running beside the bus and we both stopped at the traffic light...I saw the couple in the car holding hands...felt so sad..

I regret that I met him, wasted my time and forced myself to love him when I didnt and now I feel stuck...

I dont want to blame him for any misery anymore

Still I wish that I hadnt met him before so I could be the same delightful me

Day 24, Day 25

A frd came to my place and we hung out, had lot of fun ^^

Day 26

I left my flat for the summer, felt a bit moved bcos of memories

Didnt miss him much

He may look cool, may be loaded, got flash but he has no right to treat me like a doormat

He should take responsibility for his own life rather than messing around at this age,24 isnt like a teenager anymore..

Day 27

Im writing at the moment,

have a good sleep and then go shopping tomorrow woo hoo, summer starts

Day23

A nightmare last night, i dreamt that we were together and we kissed ...

Life goes on, 7 days to finish the challenge and Im going to the other half of the world...hope this will help me find my way..........

Day 22

Nearly the end of the challenge...one more week and I'll leave this place, take all the memories and after months before coming back here, I'll be all refreshing...how many months we havent met each other...4 months ? and then 4 another months...4 another months...we will never see each other again..

Hey thanks =)

Day 21

1 year ago, he took me to the park this day, it was raining as well like 2day... the park which he took me again at Xmas to ask me for another chance...and then 2 months later, dumped me ...

The other day, acted like the coolest man on the planet that looked down on me... I dont need ur f***ing coolness, dont need ur lecturing and pouring on the mistakes on me...have u ever experienced a deep cut w/o a band aid, and left it to the air, it hurts and I hurt much more than that...if only in this world there was a place selling emotional band aid, a hospital can fix a broken heart..

Day 20

Kinda feeling fed up w/ myself for being not motivated this time of the year

Want to do so many things badly, want to fly high and fulfill my dreams...

At some point of the day, there are things reminding me of him, it makes me feel sick and disgusted

Day 19

Exam paper was hard.... left my stupid folder in the exam hall aww what a stupid girl I am

Not missing him, Im worrying bout my exams instead

Day 18 My ex, you'll wait and see

This time I have decided that Im not tolerant for anyone to walk on me, fill me with self doubt , make me feel bad about myself !

Day 17 which was yesterday, went to the counseling services, didnt get much advice but at least I had someone to talk to and I realised that I was the victim of reverse psychology, he turned the situation around to save face and made me into a fool, felt shocked that I didnt realise back then

Day 18 Still in progress

Day 16 2 more weeks and I'll finish 30 day challenge, Uhm I'll do 90 one for sure or maybe 365 ?

Got so much work to do, I'll try my best !

I couldnt sleep well last nite, I stayed up til 4 crying missing him but now Im fine, there are setbacks sometimes.

Day 15

Wow half a month has passed

Cant wait to go on holiday, and the day I start my holiday is when this challenge ends...who will i be then ? how will i feel then ? ..

Day 14

Nearly halfway to the challenge..

Everytime something reminds me of him, I feel sad and angry well they just suddenly come up into my mind

He doesnt know what he's lost...a caring, lovable person who truly cares about him, could go anywhere with him no matter what how bumpy the road would be but now hell no! Its none of my business...end of...I have myself to take care of, rather than a selfish person, never puts himself in anyone's shoes !

I hate all the memories and wish I could be brainwashed but I cant can I ? Nevermind, they mite be wonderful but somehow fake, ...sigh...

Day 13

How could the hell I fall for such an unambitious man with no responsibility ? Feel so angry at myself...he got no tick on my lists but I fell for him, wanna bang my head to hard wall right now

Hey, Mr Ex, should live with more responsibility, if u didnt live a good life in the past then should live it better now, be a man please..wanna say this straight to your face

How am I feeling now ? I dont know but I think I can take this challenge forever 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, years, centuries ...oops, I'll die by that time then lol

Back to my revision, Im going to see my JT tomorrow, woo hoo

Day 12

Dont worry be happy girl ( me in this case lol)

Do ur best in the exam gambatte imasu !!!