Eileen101

Hey stormie,

I havent been on here in a long time but I looked for your thread just to say hello and see how you were. I think that it would be a really good idea for you to relocate and start over somewhere else. I really do think that that is a good idea for people at certain times in life. That is what turning over a new leaf and starting over is all about. A new beginning. I am planning on doing the same thing myself. I have a long term goal of being able to move within the next year and a half. I really want that and need that and I know that it will give me and my kids the fresh start that we so badly need and deserve. It sounds like you are hangin' in there though and you will be way over and done with it this time next year. Just remember to allow yourself the time that you need to heal and grow or learn from your situation..... I just keep telling myself that everyday. That all is not lost and that I go through everything that I go through for a reason. As cliche as that sounds it gives me hope and a sense of purpose when I feel lost. KIT, take care, Eileen.

Thank you very much for your posts and thoughts on the situation. Yes it is all good things for me to think about. Especially when it comes to the kids. He has always had poor or little or lack of the right judgement when it comes to the children. You would think that he would stop and think "this isn't ok or good for my kids" but he is so self absorbed most of the time that he just doesn't have the capacity to think about that. HE keeps saying that it would be better FOR his children if he was no longer around. I keep telling him that he is very wrong and that they need him no matter what.

I am very happy to say that he actually made a tiny step in the right direction. He saw his physician on Saturday and told him about some ailments he has and while he was at it he let him know how depressed he was. His Dr. actually perscribed something for him in the way of anti-deressents and when he came back from the Dr.'s office I talked with him about it a little bit and I mentioned to him that maybe once he is feeling a little bit better from the medication he is on now that maybe, just maybe, he can start some counseling and he actually seemed somewhat open to that. I was surprised by that and hopeful as well. I think that the two combined would be a great start. I know that it is a long hard road to recover from something like this and it takes committment and hard work but I think if he is able to make the effort and start to see some results that maybe he would be able to start to enjoy life or living again. Not that he has ever really been that different to how this is the entire time that I have known him, the better part of ten yrs. I think that he has had an undiagnosed condition or what have you all his life and has just lived with it. But everything comes to a head eventually and he even knows that it has gotten to a unmanagable level. I try to balance it out as best as I can with my children. I don't want their little minds and hearts to be affected by this and I know how smart kids are. They observe everything and know so much more than what they let on even. But I want them to have a dad. All of them. He has two kids by his ex and I think of them just as much. I know that his oldest would be extremely devestated. She is so much like him that it is really scary. She has all the same traits and characteristics. They are a mirror image of each other. I know that she is going to battle all of the same issues. I am glad that her mom is aware of that and is keeping a close eye on it. She actually has her in counseling now. I know that all we can do is what we can do and hope for the best. I just need to know that he is trying or cares in some small measure or I am wasting my time. Thank you all for your support and input. I can't tell you how much it means to have a place to get feedback when it seems like there is no where else in the world to turn. God bless you guys, Eileen.

Im sorry, I wasn't very clear on what I was saying in my last post exactly. When I said I had to run out of the house with the kids at like11:00 the other night what I was saying is that I had to leave my own place quickly enough to get to his place so that he didn't do something stupid as in suicidal. I was at home and him and I were on the phone and he started crying hysterically and was saying that he just can't hang on for much longer. His life is unmanagable emotionally and he can't keep feeling the way that he does daily. I have never heard him that upset and I really did feel like he was so on the edge and that he couldn't be by himself at that time. I am convinced that I am going to find him dead. I know that he needs to get help and most likely admitt himself to some sort of facility but I don't know where or what he should consider as far as a program for depression. I am not the one in danger at this point, so sorry if I wasn't clear on what that was actually about. I wish I had more information or knew where to get more information about programs that he could look into for therapy or counseling. I think that he actually needs to be institutionalized. Like a program that he could litterally check himself into. But where??? See that is where I keep feeling frustrated. I don't know what or where he should go. That is the information that I don't have. If you know anything about that please let me know what you can, I appreciate it, Thank You so much, Eileen.

Wow, it has been a really long time since I was on here and at this point I don't even think that my posting is even in the right place. I should probably be posting in a different area. I am so exasperated and don't know where to turn and need to find some sort of outlet and form of help or support that will help my boyfriend get the help that he needs. He is soooooooo jacked up right not that I littereally had to run out of the house with the kids last night at like 11:00 to make sure that he didn't do what I have been saying we have been battling for the last 3 months heavily. I know that he thinks seriously about killing himself daily and I keep begging him to hold on. I keep trying to come up with some form of hope and something for him to hold on to and there just doesn't seem to be anything that I can say or do that is compelling enough to keep him from being sooooo down. I know that he needs clinical help and I don't know if there is a way for me do get him to admit himself somehwere and maybe try to get past this place that he cant seem to overcome. I don't know anymore. I need to figure something out, I just don't know what. Does anyone have any suggestions at all????? ANything????? PLEASE TELL ME ANYTHING!!!! EILEEN>

Well it has been pretty quiet around here lately and that is nice for a change but I know that will not last. I am sure that there is something waiting around the corner, it is just a matter of "what"? I know I shouldn't say negative stuff like that but I am so used to the junk that what we go thru that I don't expect anything to be any different now. He has actually been bieng pretty decent. Really laid back lately. Maybe he is starting to mature a little bit finally. That would be fantastic but I wont hold my breath.

I actually went to my first counseling session on friday of lastweek. That was a trip. I have never done that before. I have always wanted to seek some sort of therapy but it just never happened. I think the time is right right now though. I am open to being open in a way that I couldn't have been before now. Everything has its time I guesse. She wasnt my actual counselor, she was just an assessor. She wanted to see what level I am at as far as my own thoughts on conditions in my life and where I see myself currently so that she could get me connected with someone who was right for me. I am not really looking forword to spilling it all but then I know that without that part of it I cant get a healthy daignosis on me and what I need to work on and how I can improve my life.

I finally decided to drop one of my classes today. I havent been doing well in one of my classes and it has been stressing me out. I am really hard on myself also so I tend to beat myslef up when I shouldn't be. I knew I needed to drop the class but it was really hard for me to do for some reason. When I went into the main office to d that I had to fill out a paper and turn it in to the receptionist so she could enter it into the computer and after I did that I felt sooooooooooooooo much better. I am so relieved. I dont have to stress over some stupid class that doensn't matter!! I can focus on my other classes now that do matter!

I will keep posting to let everyone know how it is going! PEACE! E.

I check in here and there meself to see how everyone is and I havent been on myself for like a week. I was really shocked to see that you lost your job! I don't know if maybe that was a good thing in the sense that you won't have to deal with your ex anymore right? I know you will still be in the same industry but it wont be as regular as the contact that you have with him now right. That is really dirty that your job did that. It seems like you are just going through a really rough patch right now. Something or someone is really testing you! But you are really strong and you continue to move forword even if you don't feel like it. I am sure you will do just fine with finding a new job, and a better one at that! I have never heard of a spyware program like that but it doesn't surprise me at all that one like that exists!! I am sure that they nose around in peoples stuff all the time and people don't even realize it. That is such an invasion of your privacy though. How did you actually find out that they had done that?? I am sure they werent honest with you about it either. Wrong, wrong and more wrong!! Take care of you and I wish you the best of luck!! Let us know how it is going! Eileen.

You have to remember that people will lie at times when they feel that they have no other alternative as well. Do you think that she didn't feel that she "could" be honest with you. Sometimes we make people feel intimitaded or uneasy about being totally honest with them. Just food for thought.

That is what I was hoping for, not to hear that someone esle is unfortunate enough to be caught up in the hellish nightmare of a relationship like mine but to actually connect with someone that really knows what what it is like to be with a narcisist. Not to diminsh what other people go through in regular relationships but until you have been with a narcisist does someone truly understand what it is like to be involved with what I call a truly disturbed individual. FloridaStorm I am sure all of what I have written here is all to familiar to you and everything you said was dead on the money. And yes it is what you would call a web that you get trapped in and cannot get out of. And the whole part that you mentioned about working your tail off for this person and for next to nothing in return. It is almost so perplexing that that is one of the main reasons that you cannot pull yourself out of the relationship. Not to mention that I have already broken NC. I have never done so much for one person in my entire life. It is like you said all those codependent tendencies. But even more so than the average codependent person. And the description of "crumbs" in return is such an accurate way to describe what the exchange is between us and them. I don't know about you but whenever I try to "end it" it only heats up that much more. He goes out of his way to contact me or pursue me. I am sure that it is the same for you. I do think in some small measure or twisted way that they do love us, to the best of thier empty sick and twisted nature. I have heard that there are forums and support groups for just this but i havent found any yet. I always end up feeling like "why would I want to find a support group for somehthing that I need to get the heck away from or out of. That should be my support group to mysef!! I dont know why we let them put all thier needs before ours. It is really self abuse to continually let someone bump us out of our own lives everyday and to accept that as an actual way of life. But it is that constant inner battle that is more maddening than anything else. Because if we are somewhat intelligent, and I can tell you are!=] we will always know that our situation is not ok. And never will be. That is really hard. I am sure that you are just like me on this one. I will always feel like I owe him something and I Know I don't. I am not obligated to him in anyway. But somehow after all this time he still manages to make me feel that way. If I could just figure that out then I would be able to get past that. Please keep in contact with me so that we can shoulder support for one another. Talk to you again! Eileen.

Why did the post edit the word as a bad word????? I had to revise it as I have received an e mail from enotalone about using slang terms that were considered bad words?? SO i am very careful now about how I term things. But that wasn't right. Why did it edit out a word that wasn't a bad word??? Anyone?

I know that I was told that I cannot use the NC technique with my partner because he is a Narcisist but I am going to start trying with today being day one. I understand that with a narcisist when you try and stop all contact that they pursue you harder because they will not have someone dictate to them that it is over or that they are no longer an interest to you/me, whatever but...... I have no other option at this point, again. There simply isn't any other option. I really did realize something yesterday. I cannot take anymore. I am going to crack if I continue to let this person screw with my head and my heart. My life is so dark with him in it. And most of the time I don't even really realize how sad and down trodden I am because I live with it on such a regular basis that feeling this way has become a way of life for me. Even if I don't get anywhere for like a year at least I am doing the work, feeling the pain and living each day without this person bashing me on a regular basis. I am not afraid to be alone so much as I am worried about what he will make me deal with. No doubt it is going to be painful seeing or knowing that he is with someone new and I know how he operates. He will go out of his way to make sure that I know about that and he will try and make it as difficult as possible for me. That is the thing that I try to make certain family members that it really isn't about being alone. I have been alone for extended periods of time before, you get loney, no big deal! It is the torment that he is going to try and put me through for choosing not to be with him anymore that really freaks me out. That messes with my head and he knows it. I just have to work out a mindset that will keep me one, two or three levels higher than all his games so that he cant get inside my head. I have never had anyone have this much of a hold on me before so that is my dilema. I know i keep saying that and I sound like a broken record but that is the truth. He is such a wicked person when he really wants to be and if you set him off hard enough he will come after you with a vengance. you would think that knowing this about this person would be reason enough to keep me away from someone like this but once you are involved past a certain point with someone like him you are pretty much in too deep and it litterally takes everything you have to get out and I still havent been able to do that for seven yrs now. He can be such a viciouse person and I know this and I have tried to no end to get him to agree to parting like civilized adults and not to be gnarly about the whole thing but he just will not do that. So then I ask myself what is the worst he can do to you Eileen. Kill you? I mean come on, really that is just a bit over the top!! So I just have to make myslef endure the torture and torment that he is going to send my way. I will have to pay the piper so to speak and when that is over with then I will know that I will just have to deal with him being a hater. I don't know how it will work out with us having kids together. If I know him like I think I do then I will probably not have to deal with that end of it. He really does not like children so I probly wont have to deal with him on that end. So really........ let it begin. This is day ONE=]=]

Blender is once again so very on point!! I know it may seem to be that Blender is forcing you to be ultra honest with yourself when you may not want that or you may want to hear what you want to hear so to speak but what is the point of posting here if you cannot get REAL, honest feedback. Unfortuneately there are times when we want to know the truth but hearing it is less than desireable. I know this all to well because I too have been in your exact situation. And it is a really tough place to be. I know how hard it is to be honest with yourself about this stuff. Really, I do. I think the hardest part of being honest with ourselves about this stuff is the self respect angle of it all. For some reason we want to be less than self respecting if it means that we will get what we want ( or what we think we want.....which is usually what we cannot have=]) out of our situation. Basically we are willing to settle in terms of what is best for ourselves if we can just have this other person. And it is sad really because even if we do mange to get what we think we want it usually isn't enough because deep down inside we know that we compromised our own integrity to be with someone who really doesn't have a genuine care or concern for us and probably never will. I know that for my situation I really did cut myself way short just to have the chance to love someone that was never going to reciprocate the love that I gave. I look back now and I truly do regret putting myself in that situation. It was so unfair of me to do that to myself. If I could go back and do it over agian I would never have allowed myself to accept less than what I was really worth. And there are so many reasons for that. I really did damage my own sense of self worth and self esteem in more ways than one. I also sent the message to the person that I was with that it was ok to treat me poorly and that I didn't deserve better. Why would I do that, honestly I don't know?? If we don't love and respect ourselves then who will?? I know that one of the qualities that I really look for in a mate is someone who really loves and respects themselves. Because they are just more attractive in general and I know that they will have more to offer in so many more ways than one. Just remember that you are worth more than how you are being treated. You HAVE TO BE AWARE OF THAT!! If you don't stay on top of that no one will do that for you. I know that I learned the hard way, through a lot of heartache and pain and just a feeling of really letting myself down. I was in a relationship with this person for 7 long hard years. He treated me less than because I let him and that is what I settled for. Never agian will I settle for less because it just isn't worth it!! Good luck to you and I am sure you will figure it all out, Eileen.

Geeze, blender you are amazing at saying what you want to. You need to be writing scripts for movies=]=] You are so very right though, he will experience so much more in life than just this. This will all pass and one day he will look back and think man, the time in my life seems so far away. Hang in there need2beme. You doing so well still, I so admire that. Don't give up.=]=]

I have to say whats done is done. No need to say how it happened or why or who is at "fault" or what have you, but there is one thing that I cannot stress to you enough.....IF you are not happy with this person, do not stay with someone just for the sake of her being pregnant because from experience I can tell you that it will only yeild resentment and misery on both sides. There is nothing more unapealing than being "STUCK" with someone because of circumstances. Believe me, it will only serve to make you really dislike this person. Ask yourself " why am I with this person?" If you can only say that you are with her because you got her pregnant or because she does not want to let go of you. If you are not in love with her, i say leave. With her having two boys already, she knows how to make it on her own already so its not like she will fall apart without you. My ex and I stayed together until it got so bad that would could barely stand to be in the same room together!! And believe me my kids new that we hated eachother or that we were really unhappy together. A lot of people say stick it out for the kids, but my 5 year old has told me that she does not want me with her dad because she my be 5 but she is very smart and she knows that she would rather not be around her unhappy parents. We are so much better off without her dad around. So take that advice for what it is, just advice but know that if you stay just out of obligation that is all it will ever be.......obligation. I believe that it takes a real man to do what is right and not what is expected. And what is right is not always what we think it is. You decide, good luck! Eileen.

I think that that is one of the hardest parts of dealing with a breakup that was from a relationship that was very unhealthy and unbalanced. I like to call it "over extending" myself. I have learned that if I feel used basically it is because I put myself there by over extending myself. I ended up being in the "hole" so to speak. Negative, minus, whatever you want to call it. I ended up being shorted because I gave too much but the only person I could be upset with for that was me. I knew or felt that twang of a feeling inside that more or less let me know that I was doing way more than what I should be, especially if I wasnt being reciprocated by this other person. It was or just is a need of ours to be wanted or needed and we usually try to secure that feeling with the person that we are with by "doing" for them so that they will depend on us or rely on us to be there for them when really all we are doing is setting ourselves up for a feeling of being used. Don't get me wrong. There have been a lot of times when I "did" for someone and didn't expect anything in return and it was very rewarding even if I knew or know that this person is more or less taking advantage of me. I have or will knowingly over extend myself just to feel needed and loved. But I think we all do it and it is very normal. Like blender said "try not to take it personal" we all get what we need or try to in one way or another and other people is usually where that comes from. Living, learning and loving can be so complicated at times that it feels like a continual empty pit, but I try to believe that it is all worth it in one way or another just for the simple fact that we all use eachother daily just to get through this thing called life.=]=]. Iam no expert thats for sure, if anything I am one of the worst for doing this type of thing. I really can relate to what you are saying though so I just wanted to share that you are not alone in feeling this way. Hopefully we can learn to do what another post said and that is help out in a healthy way and not a co-dependent way by being an enabler. That is really hard for loving people to do. I know for me I usually end up feeling like I can't do enough for the person I am with. It would be great if we could find a partner who felt the same!=] Hopefully you will find a feeling of resolve on this. I am sure you will. Eileen.

I havent posted for a while for a few different reasons. I havent really needed to as my situation has or had improved. Or so I thought. I thought I really had made some headway in our situation or his situation with the suicide problem. I had really tried to make the situation better with a variety of solutions to aleviate or help him with his depression. His birthday has come and gone on the 6th and I was happy that that was over. Well today was the day from hell. Actually it started last night. He was very annoyed with me last night. He received some paper work in the mail yesterday for child support issues and that started him off. It didn't help any that he was being petty and jelouse about some other stuff from earlier in the day as well. He was being really mean and hurtful last night and i just tried to blow it off. I thought "ok, here we go agian but it'll pass. Well come this morning and it was 10 times worse. I had to go to an appointment early this morning and then I had a class to go to, which I had an exam in. I was really tired from being up late studying and he knew that. He actually used that to his sick advantage. He started in on me about not taking the kids with me to my appointment and went on a tyrade. Threw me out of the house and wouldn't even let me into the house to get the rest of my stuff. I was so shocked that he was acting the way that he was. why? I don't know. That is when I hate myself. I had to take my kids to my moms so that she could get them ready for me and drop them off at daycare so I could get to class on time. Well when she saw that I was upset (agian)...... she was very annoyed with me for being here once agian. I understand why she feels the way that she does but she did not help the situation at all. She started going off on me as well. Basically she let me have it for still talking to him and being in the same situation agian and for having the kids around it all. The "drama" as she put it. But she was truly very cruel and only made me feel 10 times lower than I already did. I ended up going back to her house to get my kids back so that I could take them and drop them off myself. It didn't help any that she was hung over from drinking her beer last night. I was late to school but luckily for me my instructor had postponed our quiz and gave us a trial one to see how ready we were. My eyes were swollen like golf balls. I was humiliated in every way today. Not to mention that I had gone grocery shopping last night and spent the little bit of money that I had left on groceries for him and I and the kids ( including his which he has this weekend starting tonight) which I ended up leaving behind and have no intention of going back for. He ended up calling me at around 5 tonight and I didn't know it was him when I answered the phone and he was trying to be real nice and was telling me that I could come pick up any of the food that I wanted to and I hung up on him. He tried to call me back a couple of hrs later and I told him off on the phone and hung up on him again. I didn't even let him speak this time and I told him not to call me anymore. I just really need to stay away from him and how abusive he is. I just seem to forget how bizarre and strange he can be and it goes well for a while and then wham! He gets me again. I should have known that it was coming last night when he turned really sour on me. I just thought that he would snap out of it. He said some really awful stuff and that only cut me even deeper. You would think that I would have learned by now. I just don't seem to have that simple thing that most other people do. I don't know how to do what is right for myself when it comes to him and I. I am always last and I cant make healthy decisions when it comes to my welfare or wellbeing. I keep putting him and all his needs before my own and I don't know how to make it stop. I don't know why I do that in the first place much less know how to make it stop. I am sure if I could figure out why I keep doing what I am doing when it comes to him I would then be able to stop it and get on with my life.

It isn't even as though I expect anything from this person at all. I know that he is not capable of loving anyone and I gave up on any hope of that a long time I ago. I don't think I ever even considered that as an option or a possibility when it came to us. I have only ever wanted him to at least be decent to me as a person. A friend. It really did sink in today that I will never even get that. He is going to do exactly the opposite of anything that I even remotely want or wish or hope for. He hates me and he lets me know that when ever he gets the chance. I keep trying to change that and I don't know why. The more I try to make that different the more he is that way or treats me that way. I know that he just hates me for being. Or for existing. I can't understand why a person could be that hateful of another person. Especially when all I have ever done is try to be there for him and or support him or show him care and concern. It just baffles me to no end. He goes out of his way daily in small measures to tear me down and make me feel useless and worthless and I think that i keep trying to regain me sense of self by making it stop. I keep trying to gain control over the person that is controlling me. A really viscious cycle that will never end. The tricky part is that there are times when things are really good and that is what I hold onto. I have never been abused this bad before him and I know that it will only get worse. I carry around an immense amount of guilt everyday because of this and especially for the fact that my kids are around this stuff. What kind of mom exposes her children to all of this abuse? I am not thinking about them enough. I try to and it just isn't enough. They need so much more from me and I know this and I still keep doing this. I keep praying and asking God to take it all away and it never makes a difference. I know athat there is a saying that God will never give us anymore than what we can handle but I am really starting to wonder. After today I am really starting to feel like I am going to crack. I can't take anymore.

Well any feedback or input anyone has is welcomed as always. I am used to brutal honesty so if there is something that anyone would like to say dont hesitate or hold back. Heck I am used to it by now. Let me have it straight and maybe someone can tell me something I so desperately need to hear to make the lights go on in an otherwise dark area of my mind. Take care everyone and good nite. Eileen.

As far as you thinking that you have been a child about all of this i have to say that i dont see it that way. I think you have just been experiencing and going through such a massive amount of emotions that you have been acting exactly how anyone in your situation should be or would be. Hurt. I think that you are entitled to be how you have been. It is through all of the different emotions and actions that you have gone through during your breakup that you are able to detach yourself enough to see a different pathway in life without your now ex partner in life. I know cuz I have done all of the same stuff in the past while I was going through a breakup. It is all part of the process. We act out no matter what age we are and thats ok. As long as it isn't severely damaging or degrading then it is a means to an end. I think you are very intelligent and very in touch with your situation. You also seem to be one of the few men that can actually "DEAL". Most males will do anything and everything they can to avoid being a responsible adult and actually take it one day at a time. Go through the process and grow and learn from the whole experience. I think you are doing great. Really. I respect your tenacity and endurance. Keep it up. Eileen.

need2bme~

I am glad that you liked one of my last posts for another member. I really do hope that I can contribute something to all our mayhem and madness, lol, because if we all have eachother for support we can deal with our situations in a way that is so much more bearable than if we had to go it alone. I know that this site has litterally given me such a huge source of comfort and care that I am able to cope in much more secure way, just knowing that we really arn't alone makes all the difference in the world. we will all keep pulling for eachother and get through it together!! Your friend, Eileen.

Once again Juliana you are very "on Point" with all that you said in that last post and it is all so good to hear. I know all of that deep down inside but I usually choose to keep following my unhealthy pattern of trying to fix or change something that really isn't my battle. It is his. I know that a big part of that is me wanting to see him get "better" not just for himself but most of all for his kids. I continually think about what you said about the kids. I know that his oldest would be so scarred for the rest of her life. That is a no brainer but when I really let my mind go there, it is sheer hell. I did finally tell him the last time that we talked "you have to do what ever it is that you have to do" His response was "thank you!" a really relieved answer that I was no longer trying to sway him in any type of direction. It all just starts to even feel somewhat silly after a while. Like a dog chasing its tail type of thing. He actually made the comment the other day that he knows that his maturity level is way below what it should be. I know that that has a great deal to do with where he is and will continue to be. I am sure if he did get the counseling he needs that that would get better as well. I have actually started to let go and I am ok with that. I know that I have been there for him just like you said and that it has been a source of comfort for him for whatver it is worth. I know that he knows that someone cares for him and that is all I ever hoped for when it comes to that. I will just keep him in my prayers and just be supportive as much as I can be without wiping myself out. I am not going to look to far into the future anymore because all that does is tear me down and keep me fearful of stuff I have no control over. Everything works out the way it is supposed to...... I really do believe that, even if it is hard to see stuff that I don't want to. I will post agian in a few days just to let you guys know how its going. Good nite, Eileen.

What a rude ! Sorry I shouldn't say stuff like that stormie but that was below the belt. It is almost as if he has seen how well you are handling this whole thing and he is trying to push your buttons now. That is only really obviouse at this point. That is the kind of crap that I really hate. He can't just leave well enough alone. He wants to make you pay for being strong. But if he keeps crap like that up he is going to "hang himself" for being so arrogant. So when you spoke to someone about this whole thing what does that entail for him/her? Well at least that will bring some attention to them by managment right? Because at this point someone needs to tell him something! I don't blame you for being angry about that at all!! And she is just straight scandelouse! That girl ( and I will call her that cuz she is not even close to being a "woman", must think pretty highly of herself to be putting herself out there like that. She "is" going to fall flat on her face Stormie and when she does you can sit back and enjoy the moment. I know I am not being very nice right now but enough is enough. Keep your head up cuz you are still doing amazingly well Stormie. Don't let them get to you, hang in there! Your moment is coming! Take care, Eileen.

See thats just it. I don't know who to talk to in order to find out what my options are. I know that there are certain laws regarding protecting someone who is suicidal. I just don't know where to get that information. I am sure that I can research it to a certain degree online but I want information that is related directly to my situation with him. I am the only person that could even be considered someone that would have some sort of control of him if he needed to be committed or what have you. I don't know what else to do to stop him from doing something to harm himself. I talked to his brother today and I got him to come visit for the evening. I was really glad that he came and I could tell that my guy was happy he was here. It was just something to make things feel somewhat normal for a little while. I also had an old friend go by his work and see him for a little while. I guesse in my own way I am trying to create some sort of support system for him to maybe help him not feel so alone right now.

We just had another mini conversation about why he is choosing to do this and this is what he says: I am doing everyone a favor by removing myself from the picture. I am evil and I have no desire to change. I know that I am not doing any good for anyone. My kids are going to be way better off without me in the picture. I can't give them what they need. I told him that he is a coward for taking the easy way out and he says that he knows that and that he doesn't care.

I need to stop thinking about this so much and maybe it will get better. I just don't know anymore. I really don't.

I am at work right now and I just feel so sad and overwhelmed. I don't know how to feel and I feel like I am not doing what I need to do. I wish there was someone that I could talk to that could point me in the right direction. I want to know if there is anything that I can do to srop him from doing this or trying to do this. Isn't there some way that I can have him admitted somewhere. He is such a headstrong person I do not doubt that he would go through with his plan of action. I just want him to get some help. Does anyone know anything when it comes to that!! I just need some sort of suggestion.

I have been so sad tonight. I talked to my x for a long time on the phone tonight and it was soooooo sad. He really has resolved himself to ending it. He really did explain to me in depth why he feels he needs/wants to do this. I know that he meant it. I can tell that he really is seriouse about doing this. I am beside myself. I don't think I have ever felt a sadness like this before. He said that he can't try anymore and that he knows that the most genuine thing he has is the understanding that he cant continue to let everyone around him down. I am terrified of what he is saying and doing. He said that he is tying up all his "loose ends". Financially and however else and I feel totally powerless to do anything for him or about where he is at. I can't just sit by and wait. I am trying to figure out what to do. The main thing that he said was that he has no desire to change or to get better emotionally or mentally. I need someone to tell me what to do. I need to call his family and try to make something happen. I need help with this. I am so scared.

Thanks guys, I am hearing every word. I will really make sure that I am sure about any choices that I make regarding what the best way to handle things. I think you are very right Julianna, I need to let him make that choice and just separate myself from trying to "fix" it. I have such a hard time with that! REALLY> I know what I need to do when it comes to that but there has been many times when he has been down and out and I was there for him and it did make a difference and I hate to feel like I could have done more for someone and I didn't. I know I cant save the world and I dont want to have a saviour complex but I care for people just for being human a lot of the time and I over extend myself to people. I know I do this and it is something that I have to work on all the time. I have to remind myslef all the time to have bounderies to live by. The invisible lines that we cannot see and just have to learn to feel. I am so glad that I can get such great feed back on here. I will post agian later, Eileen. Thanx for your support and prayers. Your all great people.

This guy actually sounds like someone who is or has NPD. Narcisistic Personality disorder. Someone who has no feeling or empathy whatsoever for other people. How long did you date him? Is this the first time that you have had this type of situation with him? I am very experienced with this type of behavior, unfortunately, and the worst part of it for you, like everyone else has noted, is that this is taking place so dang close to you. I have an even better idea as to how you should treat him if and when you see him. Just smile as big and as happy as you possibly can and if for some reason he should say something to you as to why you are smiling such a huge grin you can simply say "I couldn't be happier that she is dealing with you now instead of me, good ridance". That would be such a huge slap in the face. If not just know this. Get and stay as far away as possible from this person because anyone who pulls junk like this really is sick. Mental. To have such disregard for another person shows what little or no respect he has for himself much less for anyone else. But you seriousley can project the sleeziness of their actions right back onto them in a very classy way. People like this hate that type of strength. They really don't know what to do with strength like that and they are terrified of it. That means that he or they really have no power whatsover and you can make them very uncomfortabley aware of it. Show them who is one step above it all, and with little or no effort. GOOD LUCK

I think that the post that Blender put up has to be the most intelligently put explanation I have ever heard from someone on this type of dilema. It is really an extremely well put way to look at how to handle the way someone in this situation is feeling and what their dealing with entails. It is so important to mantain your integrity when you are going through a situation like this. If the person you are seeing does not want to see you for a time period or just ends it all together, there has to be a way for you to deal with that so that you are not totally anialated by the situation. I remember going through this in my first relationship years ago and I didn't do well at all. I think I ended up being way more scarred from the breakup after all was said and done because I really had no dignity or self respect left after I made a total idiot out of myself by pleading with the person that was ending the relationship not to end it. I felt so low and went through so much more than if I would have just left it alone. No one likes to be abandoned but at the same time other people don't like to feel like they are being hounded by someone because that other person cant deal with thier feelings. So there really is too sides. Just keep yourself intact by staying in control of how you feel. Just like Blender said, you want to know that someone is talking to you because they really want to and not because they are being forced to. You will do fine, hang in there. There is a good chance that you will reconcile if you take care, Good luck.