rainbowprincess264

Thanks Blender. You offered some really great advice. I will not stoop to his level and pick apart his looks. But still I want understanding from him and not criticism. If I don't get that, then it will be over.

I would tell him how you felt, employing the "no-contact" thing is more geared for breakups and it doesn't seem you're in that stage. So at this point in time, stopping all communication would be more damaging (I'd say) than helpful. I'd instead pick up the phone, or, better yet, do this face to face, and tell him how you feel. And let him know you love your looks the way they are and you're not changing for nodamnbody! He'll more likely than not feel like a fool and wish he had never made such a comment in the first place. Yes, he should be apologizing, and likely will if you take such an approach.

Okay I am going to try this, but if he doesn't get why it upset me or he thinks that my feelings are nonsense, then I am ending it.

I knew I wasn't overreacting when I got angry. He is the one that is in the wrong. And you are right engaged kitty 1985, it seems like he has self esteem and insecurity issues. I don't know whether to try and tell him how I feel and see his reaction, or just stop all communication without even picking up the phone? I don't feel I am the one that should be doing the apologizing.

Thanks for this perspective. The answer he gave me when I asked him why he wanted me to have a hairstyle was this, "Because it enhances how beautiful you already are." Still it is wrong and was way out of line for him to "tell" me what he wanted for me. Then he went on to say that I didn't need anything to look beautiful to him. Then I said that I don't need enhancing and before I hung up on him I told him that maybe it's "him" that needs enhancing.

You are a very attractive woman and it looks like you have a nice hairstyle!

 

I would tell him you want someone with abs.

 

 

Thanks. I am not going to change for him nor any other guy. But I think he needs a dose of his own medicine. He needs to see how it feels to be "told" what needs to be done or to be "told" what he needs to wear and how to look.

Yeah, you're cute. And even if you weren't If he doesn't like you the way you are, then maybe he should find someone he does.

 

Ha, I once had a (nother!) guy tell me outright his ideal woman was tall with blue eyes and straight blonde hair! Well I'm petite with green eyes and curly brown hair so I let him go, so he could get on with finding his ideal lol!

Ya know, he tells me that I am beautiful and drop dead gorgeous all the time. He has only made the comment about my hair once. I still don't think he has the right to tell me what he wants for me. There are better ways of telling people things without sounding like a pushy commanding person. He could have said, "Baby I think you would look even hotter than you are now with this hairstyle that I saw." But no he chose to command and "tell" me what "he" wants.

You should do that! If he expects you to look like he wants you, then he should do the same for you. Tell him that you'll change your hair when he gets some abs! That'll teach him!

I have got this suggestion in my arsenal just in case things escalate....

I have a suggestion. I ask that any of you take a look of my picture in my profile and tell me what I "Need" to change about my looks. I don't think I need to change a thing! I honestly think he is the one with low self esteem and wants to try and pick my looks apart.

Rainbowprincess:

 

Hello and welcome to ENA!

 

In regards to your problem, I think you probably have a red flag. Given the way he phrased it, it sounds like he doesn't respect you. "I want..." sounds more like a command than a suggestion, which is clearly not a sign of respect.

 

I would tell him that you feel disrespected when he says things like that, and you won't tolerate being commanded to change your appearance (or to do anything!).

 

That's just my take on it, from a guy's perspective.

 

-gfein

Thank you! I will do as you suggested and see how he responds.

Also he isn't exactly in the best of shape so maybe I should tell him that I want him to have six pack abs and lose weight. Wonder how that would make him feel? Maybe he needs a dose of his own medicine like Beec mentioned above.

That's the thing. He isn't asking me, he is "telling" me what he wants for me.

Hello,

I just wanted to ask your opinion on a situation that could be a red flag or just something I need to let go. I have been dating a new guy. The thing is he has made comments towards me on two different occasions. One day he said that when I come to visit him he wanted me to wear lipstick. Okay I let that one slide. Then just two days ago he said and I quote," I want you to have a hairdo." Okay this one pissed me off. Who is he to tell me what he wants for me? I got very angry and he just couldn't understand why it would make me angry. I told him that he was overstepping his boundaries and I told him that I wanted space. First of all I wear my hair like Jennifer Anniston's straight with a part in the middle. I love my hair and the way it looks. But then when I asked him why he wanted me to have a hairdo he couldn't give me a straight answer. Did I overreact to his commanding suggestions? He wasn't asking me he was telling me what he wanted. I just don't feel that anyone should tell anyone else what they want someone else to do or have. I don't know if this is an issue we can work on or what, but I am not going to put up with it. Is this a red flag that I should watch for? Please advise me. I welcome comments.