Nyoka

i would ask yourself why you feel the need to determine if he is gay... what is your motivation for pursuing this?

Wow! That really hit many good points BeStrongBeHappy. And very much a turn around about the issue in question.

And yes, I have to ask myself what is my motivation.

You are right in so many ways. There is certainly a lot of physical frustations in this relationship. You post awake many questions about the reasons and consequences. It took me a few days and a few reads to think about it.

I should indeed review my own priorities and taking the risk of sounding selfish here, I think I do not want to suffer the consequences you mentioned.

We have no kids, my life is so easy and confortable. It is not something I am willing to loose.

I thought I was worried that I could not satify his need but maybe it is a reflection about my own needs indeed. Although your post made me feel that I was in a way trying to find in it a justification for doing something stupid. It certainly gives me a lot to think about. I truly appreciate the honnesty. Thank you.

he just hasn't "realized" it yet' date=' but it's a possibility that he may feel awkward with his sexuality. Tell me this, what was his childhood like?[/quote']

 

He was the youngest of 3. 2 girls and him. He was afflicted by a terrible memory and finds it difficult to concentrate. Being the baby boy, he was totally over protected by his mum. And as he gets older, I notice he's actually changing into his mother. This is so funny in a way. Better him changing into his mum than me into mine anyway. I loved my mother-in-law very much. She was very masculine kind of person. He grew up with bad schooling and was sent for a while to a all boy priest school. Although he assured me that there was never sexual abuse on him, the priests used to beat him up sensless a few times. We live in the country side of Ireland. You didn't really talk about these things in those time but it is all coming out now. All his uncles were priests as well.

Also, he is very easy when I want to buy a new toy, he doesn't feel treathens by size or anything.

Yin and yang: Mentally and emotionally I am myself more in touch with my masculine side. I believe that is what brought us together.

I don't think he is sexually attracted to men as such. Although he always envied or admired some physical attribute of some actors or other such as square jaws, good shoulders, strong calves etc. But he never makes a comment of female attributes. He likes to be touched but not to touch. And...he wants to be reincarnated as a blue * * * (tiny little bird he feeds all year).

I'd like to find out but I don't think he does. And after all, this is about him and sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

 

I am not sure should I bring the subject further with him.

The question however is, would it be a problem for you?

Well, thank you for your encouragements.

The more I think about it, the easier it actually gets.

Would I have a problem with it? I don't think so. Not really.

I am just a little confused as to whether he should realise it. I have the feeling that it would be harder on him than on me.

Other than that. I know and you are right, I am very lucky. I am married to my best friend and we do get on well. I can see the positive side of it in a way.

We have separate bedroom, we live more like housemates but he is a great housemate to live with. I miss the romance and the attraction though. But I guess it is small prize to pay for peace and happiness.

You know what? Deep down I always knew it. We are faithful to eachother and the rest well....I'm cool with it.

Thank you robowariow and Foxlocke

Hi everyone.

I am married 13 years. My husband is my best friend and this is mostly why we married. He is not a looker but he is so kind and caring and... terribly prude and reserved.

Nothing so strange in that you my say but...He loves flowers and birds, great cook too. His favourite movie is "The Sound of Music", his favourite song: Guilty by BB Streisand and Barry Gibbs. He never really gets cross but easily vexed. He has very little interest in sex and when he does, he finds it difficult to maintain an interest (unless I slip a finger in him!)

I hinted once or twice he would have made a great gay man. He is not homophobic but when I asked him once if he could be gay, he went into his vexed mode. He was also a real mummy's boy. He is so sensitive but he never make a gesture towards me. He would never just hold me or kiss me unless I initiate it and even then, he only seem to go trough the motion without much emotion or none. Yet, he likes massage rather than sex.

I have no doubt he loves me and I do love him. I have suspected this for many years. So do some of our friends (even the gay one). If he is, I wouldn't be surprised but I think he needs to know.