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Lena333

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Posts posted by Lena333

  1. 10 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

    I'm not "blaming" you.  Just own your role, again it takes TWO to create this type of toxic dynamic.

    A girlfriend should NOT be "interrogating" her boyfriend, asking to look through his phone, arguing about who he messaged etc. 

    You don't trust him and obviously he doesn't trust you either, which is why he lies to you.

    Look he may be a lying cheating d-bag that's not the point.

    The point IS clearly you don't trust him.  When trust is gone, it's DONE the end.

    No need to confront, question, interrogate or snoop.

    Just end it, period end of.

    And btw, what's your issue with him going to a club with his friends one night?

    Why did he feel he needed to lie to you about it? 

    I try not to have a problem with it, he’s been having family problems and he does this when he can’t handle his life problems, drinks till he blacks out. I was on holiday with my family and not there to support him. I try not to have a problem with it but his friends are all disloyal to their girlfriends so I feel insecure sometimes but I try to not have a problem with it and give him his freedom. I always encourage him to open up. I have little hope because I’m a very honest person and I predict a break up already but I feel like I keep blaming myself recently and I don’t know what to do.

  2. 7 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

    I don't disagree that's he's been lying to you and may have cheated, however I find your behavior troubling as well and may be why your boyfriend feels he cannot be truthful with you

    It takes two people to develop such a distrustful and toxic dynamic which this certainly sounds like. 

    I mean reading your story I felt like I was reading about a mother/son relationship versus a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

    Confronting him about his whereabouts with what sounded like an accusatory tone, asking to go though his phone, arguing about who he messaged etc. and him defending himself, lather rinse repeat 

    I could not even imagine being in a relationship where I had to do that, nor would I do it. 

    @Lena333when it gets this bad, when the trust on both sides is this forgone (albeit for different reasons), just end it. 

    There's nothing good or positive here, I'm sorry.  😞

     

    He’s never lied to me about it before, this is the first time he’s ever done it and it’s a weird coincidence that the only time he’s ever lied he gets accused of something like this. The day before he was out as well and he told me about it I had no problem with it. I don’t see how I’m to blame here. Yes, of course I wanted to go through his phone after because I was getting mixed messages from everyone and I am paranoid really paranoid. 

  3. 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

    This isn't about "letting him out" like he's a bad little boy. This is about staying with someone who lies to and disrespects you and for whatever reason desperately trying to hang on to him. Why wrap your head around lousy treatment and pretend he respects you? 

    Do you live together? What is the reason you're tolerating this?  Do you really want to get into a parent-child relationship?  He's already doing whatever he wants and just lies about it. You can't chain him up in the yard like a dog so he behaves better.

    I think a part of it is the uncertainty because until now he’s been the most loving loyal person ever but perhaps it was all an act. He treats me great but clearly I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. We do live together yes 

  4. Just now, catfeeder said:

    So your answer to being with an untrustworthy guy is to try to keep him home for a while?

    Is this how you want to live?

    I don’t want to keep him at home I don’t mind him going out with friends all I ask is to not go to a club as I want to save the relationship. I’m still so confused wether he kissed her or not. Maybe I’m being naive.

  5. 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

     Sorry this is happening. You seem to have some valid reasons not to trust him. You already know he lies about clubbing, so why call it "gaslighting"? 

     Unfortunately trust is broken and your relationship is devolving into a cat and mouse game of detective and naughty boy.

    Please reflect if you find this behavior disrespect and what to look over your shoulder and contact others to suft through his lies. 

    Is this the same man?:.

     

    Yes it is, I made a second post about it because a lot of people didn’t understand my point fully, it may be controlling to not let him out but I don’t mean forever just till I can trust him again but this whole situation destroyed the image I had of him over the past year. I got the message three weeks ago and last week he went out again even though I told him to not go just for a bit because I’m still hurt by the situation and he still went and lied AGAIN. I just believe that his priorities aren’t in the relationship, it’s like he does want to be with me but he can’t live up to the consequence of his own action and fix the trust he broke. I just believe that after this he can’t have both going out and the relationship for a little while. Not saying forever.

  6. I probably sound really dumb, but this has driven a huge distance in my relationship because my trust has been broken. My bf lied about going clubbing, he’s never lied about it before. I got a message on Instagram from an account that stated that he was at the club and kissed the guy who’s been messaging me girlfriend. I didn’t believe the account at first, showed my boyfriend the message and laughed about it whilst I blocked the contact because I trusted him so much. A few hours later the same person on a different account send me a photo proof of my boyfriend being at the club that night. I went on the club website and it was in fact from the date he said he didn’t go. I didn’t mention anything to him and asked him again where he was that night he said he was at this friends house. I then confronted him and he said okay he was at the club he but swears he didn’t kiss anyone but he was black out drunk and doesn’t even remember the night properly. the account that messaged me said he called the girl that night. I asked to go through his phone. He did in fact call her. However it is weird because the name was saved as something else but I knew it was her because the Instagram account gave me her number for comparison. I asked him why he called her and why her name was saved as his friends name, he said it was her nickname and he must have called her by accident when he was looking for his friend at the club. Which doesn’t make sense. He had her on Snapchat. However, she is someone that is friends with a mutual friend we have. He said he knows her from the past. I messaged the girl and she said it’s true they kissed. Then I got information from another person that apparently her boyfriend who was the one to message me on Instagram controls her account. I’ve asked several people that were at the club that night that I don’t necessarily know too well some said he did do it some say he didn’t. His friends all deny it. I don’t know what to believe anymore I love him and trusted him but I’m just confused on what’s true and what isn’t and it’s honestly driving me apart from him I don’t know if I can trust him again. 

  7. 2 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

    Are you young? Because I think its pretty normal thing for young people to go out late with friends and have fun. When I was young I was pretty much like your boyfriend. With friends you can relax, drink, stay as much as you want etc. While with girlfriend, it’s a bit different. For example I stay away from drinks mostly during dates with girlfriends. Most of them dont like you drinking anyway. Same with staying late. So when I did get out with friends we did those things. If you nag him all the time about it, no wonder he chooses to get out with friends during weekends to have fun, especially if he is young. Later in life people settle down a bit. Well most of them. So they usually dont do stuff like that when they have a work obligations and family at home. But while they are young, I think its OK to “let go some steam”. 

    Second thing is, dont you go out as a couple over weekend? If he chooses his friends over you I think its pretty clear where his priorities are.

    And a third thing is, just because it “triggers you” doesn't mean he shouldn't do it. It just means that you are maybe incompatible and that you both should be with somebody who wouldnt make a scene when other goes out and accuse them of cheating.

    We are both 21. I feel like I’m already past the stage of partying and i understand that he might not be but it’s fine. All I ask if to just find a compromise because he did get accused of cheating by someone else and he did lie about it and later admit to the lie. He didn’t use to go out so much and i understand he found a new group of friends and is having fun with them but it’s just left me hanging a bit behind. 

  8. Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for a few years. He honestly tries a lot for me but I feel like he doesn’t respect my wishes. A few months back he lied to me about going to a club and he betrayed my trust and he got accused of cheating. He begged and swore that he didn’t do it and I chose to stay and believe him. A week later he wanted to go out with his friends again and I let him just asking him to not go to a club as it would trigger me and I wasn’t over the situation. That night he decided to lie to me and still went to the club not respecting my wishes. Since then I’ve just felt so neglected. He honestly tries a lot for me and puts in so much effort and love however when it comes to choosing me or going out with his friends he will always chose his friends. I know he hangs out with them as we have each others location however his friends for some reason can never hang out at normal times, even when they aren’t going clubbing they sit around at home together till 3am. Every single weekend, he comes home at 3am and it makes me so mad. Why can’t he just make plans at normal hours of the day. I try to communicate with him that it triggers me that he does this as it brings back the feelings of not trusting him and what happened a few months ago but every time he just does it anyway. I’m not sure if I’m being controlling for getting mad or if he’s just disrespectful. It’s gotten to the point where i still love him but every time im around him i remember that he doesn’t value my pain and does whatever he wants and it makes me so mad at him that i just get snappy. I tried to communicate this with him but he just dismisses it so there’s no point of doing that anymore because I know hell just do whatever he wants. Honestly I feel like he’s trying to juggle his wild nightlife and the relationship that’s why he still gives me all these gestures but it’s still bothering me. Am I asking for too much or being controlling by telling him he shouldn’t be coming back home so late pretty much every single weekend. 

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