Blueraider812

On 12/11/2023 at 4:41 PM, Andrina said:

How many visits have you had with each other? I was just wondering how well you know her as an adult. You don't want to assume what you knew of her when you were teens hasn't changed since then. There are plenty of kids I grew up with and enjoyed back then who I don't want anything to do with now that we're adults.

What you see is what you get. Don't expect this to change, even if you move her way. I wouldn't like this over-involvement with family from my partner.

Where to live is one of those major things a couple has to agree upon, just like whether or not to have kids, which religion if any they will be raised, etc., sexual compatibility, and shared life goals and ethics.

I never suggest marrying until you've had some time dating locally, and that doesn't even mean living together. It's smarter after an LDR starts that way to rent separately while in the same town. Because going from barely seeing each other to being together 24/7 can prove disastrous. 

You can't really see the total reality of a person until being around them locally at least a good 6 months. If you two can't agree on closing the distance because one of you will be resenting that, it's not going to work out. What's her dating history been like? What's the longest relationship you've had?

We see each other once a month at the minimum, most of the time twice a month though. 

while she has talked to other guys and dated, I am her first official boyfriend. 
 

My longest relationship was a year long (that person was someone who was great on paper be we were not compatible and forced it for too long). I always struggled with commitment issues and always preferred to be single. I’ve had many women  try to break my walls down and make me settle down but she’s the only one my heart genuinely felt safe and secure enough to do it for. 

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What do you mean that it took you a while - were you unsure of your feelings for her? How long have you been dating now? 

I think it was a combination of things. We met when we were 15, I had a lot of life to live and maturing to do. I was very career focused for a season of my life. I moved away from our home town 5 years ago and dated other people through out the years. After every relationship I would think about her and how I think we would be good for each other. Because I’ve known her for so long I knew that if I entered a relationship with her I would only need to do it if I was ready for marriage. 

I am dating a girl that I’ve known since I was 15 years old (we are both 31) 

Since we have known each other she has always wanted a relationship with me but it wasn’t until this year that we entered a relationship. Although it took me awhile, I am happy to be in a relationship with her. We both knew that if we ever did date it would be with the intentions of marriage. Now that we are here our recent marriage conversations have been extremely difficult because of our locations. 
 

We both live in 2 different states and see each other once a month. It’s a 45 min flight to see each other . Her career is taking off where she is, and I recently left my full time job and started a very new business where I live. To make things even more complicated she convinced her sister, brother in law, and 2 year old nephew to move to her state to be close to her. They made the move 9 months ago and she visits them every day. 
 

Aside from my business I also purchased a home this year and own a rental property that I manage as an air bnb. 

Because of all of these realities she is suggesting that we get married (since we love each other and aren’t getting any younger and want to have kids) and do a hybrid living situation. She’s suggesting we spend 50% of our time in each location for at least 2 years to give her time to enjoy her sister and nephew. 
 

I'm under so much pressure right now trying to make ends meet and grow my business I just can’t imagine juggling business, a new marriage, and the challenges of going back and forth between 2 locations and all the expenses that come with that. 
 

I’m not optimistic about a hybrid situation working so I suggested pausing the marriage talks until we can agree on where we will live. & for me I’m not sure if it’s selfish or not but I feel like it makes more sense for us to live in my city. She was extremely hurt when I voiced my thoughts. 
 

Is there a real solution here that makes sense?