Avalon85

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I would not because you have already chosen in a matter of months to violate his privacy repeatedly and you don't trust him. His response now sounds pretty lukewarm -a person who truly wants to be in a serious committed relationship (I don't think sexual orientation has any relevance to this particular situation) - would want you to know he not only feels it but wants to act on it "I only want to be with you- I've changed my mind from the past because of X and Y and now I know I want to be with you in a committed relationship and I'm so excited to be with you." 

This isn't about whether people change.  He doesn't need to change as a person - a person who realizes he wants to be with another person in a committed relationship even if he did not in the past simply changes his mind and heart -not who he is as a person with rare exception -and people change their minds all the time -watch When Harry Met Sally and how 'Harry" says at the end when you realize you want to be with someone forever you want forever to start that moment" (something like that!!).  

You don't trust him.  He is still "not sure" (and in this case not sure means no) so stop lying to yourself and telling yourself this is some broad abstract notion of whether "people" "change" - do you think then you can change from a person who justifies spying and snooping on someone they're dating?

You are very right. I have actually never spied and snooped on someone before because people have always been honest with me. With this person, it keeps perplexing me why would he do what he does, when I always told him just be honest and don't do things behind my back. 

From my expeience, people who don't like or even want to communicate and adress their emotions, feelings and what they are thinking of and how they see the relationship are not worthy the time.

They are not serious, so spare yourself any worthless efforts and future heartaches and headaches. 

I have been in this relationship for 9 months now.

I am gay and 37 years old, and he is 25 years old bisexual.

My relationship with him, as much as it is awesome and beautiful, it has its suspicious moments.

I will summarize as much as I can.

During the very first months, I felt he was hiding something from me. Whenever we parted at night, I would take him home, in less than 10 minutes he would be out, hanging with his friends and wouldn't get back home till after midnight.

This pushed me to spy on him a couple of times when he told me he was at home, but I saw him with my own eyes riding the car with some stranger.

We separated once, after 6 months, didn't see each other for a week, till we met again, talked and sorted things out.

However, a month later I discovered he was already dating another man and going out with him to restaurants.

He tried convincing me that that person is just a friend. 

However, he did break his relationship with that man later on.

Then, we planned a vacation together, and on the last day, he said he wanted to meet this friend of his.

I acted cool and gave him my trust.

However, after we came back, his phone was left open and well, I did dive into his WhatsApp and read some conversations and it turned out that he did go to have sex with that guy when we were on vacation.

As we argued, he promised me that he has not given me a full word yet, but after these 9 months he does feel that he wants to be with me.

He travelled for 10 days with his family and this time alone is giving me confused emotions.

Is it wise to just keep giving him more chances.

I know the relationship has lots of good stuff, but I can't help but keep bringing up the past and doubting him.

Do people change? 

I just don't think they do.