July90s

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

My assessment is you’re still shopping.  You have the dream of someone else even if you’re not yet focused on someone else. You think the grass is greener on the outside. When you said “this person more attractive “ you mean your partner or someone else ?

I meant someone else. I know there are always going to be better looking people around, so I feel like I shouldn't be feeling that way

6 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think if you make a forever commitment you should be reasonably sure and excited to be with your partner overall. Ebbs and flows. Sometimes you’ll find your partner physically attractive and other times not but when it’s not you won’t feel all panicky or anxious because you have that core foundation of love and commitment. I mean honestly sometimes I wonder how my husband felt when he was in the room with me for hours when I was in labor and begging for ice chips. Yes I know I know the husband is supposed to find his wife sooooo amazingly gorgeous while she’s trying to birth a human but come on. 
we never spoke of it and he did great in that room and the operating room for my emergency C section but did he find me physically attractive ?? Who knows and who cares.  
Do I find him attractive when he forgot again to run the dryer?  I mean yes - if he says “sorry! Do you want a hug?” (Hugs are his answer to all transgressions lol) I will hug him or take a rain check. Without a thought about “hmmm does he look attractive right now ?” No I just want to get my hug and apology then deal with the sodden towels. 

this is why I think your focus on looks is probably a general “hmmm now that I’ve got her I’m a bit bored - is the grass greener - do I have the dream of someone else ??”

Yeah I understand that in some situations or some days you might not find them attractive, but I seem to constantly be thinking "I think I find this person more attractive now" or "my friends girlfriend is really pretty" maybe they are thinking the same too!

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Agree with the counselor. Perhaps there is not enough substance to keep you two together. Perhaps focus on compatibly in addition to attraction.

Yeah I mean I usually wouldn't date anyone if I didn't think we had things in common etc so I don't think that is the issue but I know where you are coming from

Thanks, I am very honest when dating but as I get into a relationship I find it harder to be honest about my feelings as I don't want to rock the boat. But yeah that is a good idea about saying I don't want anything serious then there are no expectations 

I think it is more that I lose the attraction after a certain period of time and then other things start to bother me about them which didn't bother me at first. I'd like to think that if I am supposed to be with someone then I would find them attractive forever .. or is this not the case do you think? (I am aware we are all going to age and change looks with time so maybe this is an unrealistic expectation?)

Thanks for the replies! I understand that physical attraction isn't the be all & end all but I can't imagine being with someone who I didn't think was beautiful. Maybe I am just quite shallow unfortunately! But yeah I will be spending more time single as a relationship is the last thing I want right now, I have seen 2 different counsellors about it and apart from some self esteem issues it was mainly out down to just not being right for each other. But I agree that I should wait in future until after a few months when the excitement dies down to decide whether or not we should be together as a couple.

Hi guys, I'm 32, male, from the UK. I've just broken up with my latest partner which went the same way as all my other relationships. They start off great and I feel like this could be the person for me then after a few months (or in one case 2 years) I start to get the same doubts about wether I find the girl attractive enough, I start to feel uncomfortable and I want to stop dating them. This has happened many times now and the girls have all been great people I've been very lucky that way, but I think either there is something wrong with me and I'll keep doing this forever or maybe I just haven't found the right person yet. I'm scared to get into another relationship because I'm sick of hurting people and I think I'll just be happier staying single. Is anyone the same it have any advice? Thank you