sawinjo

So, I say this purely from my experience and I know that maybe someone will disagree. I noticed one thing. The fact is that you will be dependent on a person who appeared in circumstances that made you need someone as soon as such circumstances are repeated. A person appeared when you desperately needed a human shoulder like a breath of air. Sometimes it doesn't lead to anything good, despite the help and support provided. Yes, you appreciate it, but you subconsciously expect more and more of them to be present every time something bad happens in your life. But in the case of the second person, it's different. This person appeared when you didn't seem to need anyone's help, because you were broken and knew that it was better to deal with problems on your own. But this person has shown you that they can take care of you from afar, guide you periodically, but not do all the work for you that you have to do. You don't depend on them, you don't demand them, you don't need them, but you know they're there. You can clearly see the difference. What do you think? Which version of 'person' would you prefer? 

13 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Это не похоже на вдумчивый или уважительный способ обращения с друзьями, это звучит скорее манипулятивно и эгоцентрично. У меня были друзья, которые пропали без вести по такой причине, и однажды я, возможно, протянул руку и не оценил поведение, когда с сегодняшними технологиями простое «Я собираюсь потратить некоторое время на себя - пожалуйста, не беспокойтесь, если Я не отвечаю" - подойдет. Мне жаль, что у тебя были трудности, и это не оправдывает такого обращения с друзьями. И вдобавок ко всему ожидая, что они будут преследовать вас.

Thank you. I will work on myself. 

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Почему? Что им лучше сказать: «Эй, это наш друг Сави, пошли выпьем» или «Ой, бедный Сави, он такой трагический персонаж, что мне его жалко».

Я знаю, что некоторым людям нравится, когда их жалеют. Потому что им нравится вызывать сочувствие, а также находить легкие оправдания своему поведению. Но это на тебе, а не на твоих друзьях. Ваши друзья относятся к вам как к равному. Не как какой-нибудь нищий, постоянно нуждающийся в подаяниях. И вы должны быть благодарны за это. 

Well, I don't think it matters how exactly they will show me attention or pity. So both options suit me. I'm just worried about the fact that deep down I hope for such attention. And thank you very much for the explanation, I will definitely take something useful out of this.

2 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

Вы чувствуете разочарование, потому что решили прекратить с ними общение и не получили от них той реакции, на которую надеялись. 

Если бы вы чувствовали себя подавленным, ваши друзья могли бы помочь, если бы вы поговорили с ними. Мне жаль, что ты обнаружил, что твои друзья не такие, как ты думал. Общение в дружбе идет двумя путями, поэтому вам, возможно, придется переоценить как их, так и свои. 

Thank you. I think I'm starting to understand the whole situation. 

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Какие проблемы заставили вас отказаться от друзей? Решились ли эти проблемы? Твои друзья знают, что произошло? Почему вы хотите, чтобы они пожалели вас? Если вы не расскажете о том, что произошло, зачем им спрашивать вас?

These were problems related to my relationship with my parents and my grades in school. Maybe for someone it will not seem so tragic that you refuse to communicate with your friends for a while, but for me it made sense. And I don't know why I want them to feel sorry for me, it's such a direct question that I just don't know...

7 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Take a look back at your childhood. Is there something there that happened that you felt under appreciated or of low self worth? 

Well, I grew up in a fairly strict family that didn't spoil me or even show that they were proud of me. Therefore, yes, it seems to me that what I did not receive in childhood from my parents, now I expect from the people around me.

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Before you stopped talking to them what did you tell them or did you mostly just disappear ? Yes I’d lower my expectations.  

I just silently left, somewhere inside hoping that they would show even more interest and attention to me. There really were problems in my life and I did not leave without a reason. But when I left, I was unpleasant from myself bcs I really want them to start questioning me and feel sorry for me. Somehow it's weird. 

It seems to me that I tend to 'analyze' others and their attitude towards me too much. Recently I stopped talking to my friends because there were some problems in my personal life, but then when I returned, I don’t feel that I was missed, it still seems to me that I came back for nothing, like my expectations was very overpriced. It sounds like I don't respect their feelings, because they were really happy to see me back. But it's like I'm still waiting for something. Something more and it's terribly wrong. I feel selfish. How can I learn to take it easy? What could be the reason for this way of thinking?

I always felt like it was never too difficult for me to let go of people with whom I spent a lot of pleasant time together. Many people keep telling me that this is a good quality, but how can it be good if I am shackled by the fear that I do not know how to appreciate and love people in the right way? There was a case when my friend had a hard time, and I was having fun with another company at that time. I still feel disgusting, although there have been no more such situations. I am not indifferent to people, but I also do not get attached to them on a deep emotional level. Am I selfish?