Harsh

On 1/26/2023 at 2:17 PM, Harsh said:

There is a guy who messaged me on instagram, we started talking and we really got along, but after his college started he was giving me less time than i expected, sometimes i just get mad, but 3 days ago he neither texted me nor called me, i was really angry and in anger i said let's end this if you can't give me enough time, he agreed ( i thought he will show me how much he wants me) and we had a huge verbal spat, next day I told him that i want to be back with you, he said there is no future, we both are not good for each other, it's better you move on, you will get someone better, i don't want this end, i really wanna give it try, should I try to surprise him by visiting? 

 

(It was all happened in online only we did not met single time)

 

 

Well i met him few days ago, i didn't surprisd him, i told him earlier i am coming to meet him, we had a good chat about many things, he told me that we should stay as a friend's but not to get into relationship ( i don't know what is the reason) but i accepted that

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why would you ask him to block you? Just stop messaging him.

Because I might text him again if i am angry

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, you need to learn to respect others’ boundaries. 

He has said no. That means you don’t continue to persist. It means you don’t show up where you’re not invited. It means that he shouldn’t need to block you because you have the self-control  to just stop messaging him. 

You can’t always get what you want. 

I think i might block him, i don't want to keep hanging 

8 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

No, never pop in unannounced.  Most people despise surprise visits because it's very inconsiderate, rude and it's common sense not to intrude on other people's lives.  It's very disrespectful to catch people completely off guard like that.  People don't appreciate negative surprises. 

Long ago, an elderly couple who were acquaintances of my parents, walked long distances during a summer heatwave, rang our doorbell and wanted to visit.  They never phone called us in advance.  The first several times, we invited them indoors, gave them cold water while they cooled off and we chatted.  We repeatedly requested a phone call before their visits to no avail.  Then one day while my parents were at work and I was home with my siblings, they rang our doorbell yet again.  It was a hot day as they were mopping their brows with their handkerchiefs.  This time, I ignored them.  They sat on our front porch for the longest time to cool off a bit, rang our doorbell several more times and decided to make their long walk home.  They never came back to visit us again.  Lesson learned.  Give people common courtesy or brace yourself for very harsh consequences.

Okay message received, thank you

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

OK.  Next time, meet the person early, and don't get "close" until you actually are dating in real life.  

This one was a fail.  

Next.

Isn't it early? We haven't started dating we were just thinking about it, and yes I got too close that is my fault.

40 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

So, this stood out to me as something you might want to explore in yourself.

From where I sit, you "trusted" this guy in part because he was not real. He was on a screen, safely removed from reality, a kind of fantasy to get swept up in that felt "safer" than a local dude. And yet what happened, in the end? Some hurt, some confusion, likely all the things you were trying (not consciously) to avoid by investing in an Instagram human as opposed to a human human. 

Potential lesson here? Trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes—because you can handle it, you really can—and spend your time exploring and forging connections in the 3D world. Yes, they too carry the potential of hurt and confusion. But the rewards are much greater because, alas, they are real. 

Well I've dated guys from locals and they are good, but i liked a guy online and that's not a crime i guess we talked several times on video calls and used to call daily, so i thought about giving it a try

1 minute ago, Jaunty said:

It doesn't matter who started talking first.  Now, he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Getting emotionally embroiled with people that you don't know in real life is not healthy.   Try not to do it any more; save your emotions for people who you can share your day to day life with, whether they be friends or romantic interests.

Take care - and please,  delete this stranger's contact info and move on.

I will move on soon , i even asked him to block me, he refused 

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

"Closure" is when the online friendship ended. Trying to visit him is trying to restart things.  Let it go.

People move on and it's a blessing in disguise that you're free to pursue local available friends and start dating local available men. Try to view this as your escape route from a go-nowhere situation.

I want to restart things but with better approach, i am not looking for relationship right now , if i will restart with him i might just stay friends for a while

14 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

He won't appreciate that.  Trust me.  What people appreciate is being heard and respected.  He told you he's done.  Believe him.

Also, just for your future reference:  Most people will RUN AWAY FAST if they find themselves interacting with someone online, who they've never met, who starts making demands and even gets in fights with them.  

Don't do this anymore.  

And leave this guy alone.  He wants no part of you, so don't subject yourself to more rejection.

I just wanna tell you that i wasn't interested in talking at first I used to simply ignore him but then he tried to explain that how he is alone so i developed a soft corner for him and that's how I fell for him, having expections is not in my hand, it comes naturally and yes fight happens because when people care they tend to fight, and i am sorry you are being plain rude right now, nothing wrong in giving polite advice

27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's not "childish" when you consider how many crime stories there are about people who show up and do harm to people they're obsessed with.

You don't seem obsessed, just a bit naive. But I'm glad you've decided to let it go. 

Yeah thanks for the advice ❤️

7 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

No, you won't be ok.  This idea is AKA denial, and it will only set you back to square one.  Difficult as it is,  you're better off working on ways to move forward.

Yes i am just moving on now

5 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

Many of us here are in our 40's and 50's and have loads of experience with relationships of all kinds in our own lives and with those seeking guidance here.  
Take the advice, please!

I learned a new expression today "chrome bracelets"! 
If it doesn't come to that, I was thinking this event has a low grade restraining order potential.

 

 

Okay i am taking this advice and try to move on 🥲 but ya i don't think so he will file a case for just i showing up that just childish 

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Then yes, just let it go. If he wants to meet he'll contact you.

How far away does he live?

It's 1:30 hour away

Just now, boltnrun said:

Because you wrote this:

I also vote for no for the trip.

How long ago did this "argument" happen?

Just now, boltnrun said:

Because you wrote this:

I also vote for no for the trip.

How long ago did this "argument" happen?

On monday, but i could see changes in his behaviour from Saturday 

1 hour ago, Coily said:

I agree with Lambert; if some woman I didn't really know showed up, after I told her I wasn't interested, She would be getting nice chrome bracelets for stalking.  Especially if there had been a fight of any kind, I would assume she had gone bonkers and adopted the "If I can't have him no one can" stance and is out to cause me great bodily harm.

You need to work on yourself control and attachments to virtual strangers (literally and figuratively). This is not healthy and could get you in very serious legal trouble. Or worse if you do stalk him, and he's willing to use force for his protection.

 Clearly coily i am not having that stance but ya what you are saying is completely right, i might just call it quits i know it will be hard but let's see what happens 

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

This is not "Eurotrip". Or whatever teen romantic comedy trip movie you watched. This is real life. People who show up at your steps unanouned, especially after you told them you dont want to have anything to do with them, wont accept you with their arms open. There is more likely a chance they will call a police on you because it is "stalkerish".

Well i might just give him some space, let's see what will happen

49 minutes ago, Lambert said:

But this is from your perspective.  Think about it from HIS perspective.  He didn't chase because he didn't want to.  You offered to continue... he said no.  Not respecting their wishes and "surprising" someone that is not interested and said so is in fact stalkerish and desperate. 

People with options move on.  People that can't accept, have no other options make excuses that they believe to be true.  but that's not how the people on the receiving end see it.  

Okay i am getting what you are saying, i think i might give him some space 

1 hour ago, Andrina said:

It's ridiculous at your age to spend money for traveling to meet a love interest. LDRs have an extremely high failure rate when they start as LDRs. You're in college, with likely 50 or more students in each of your classes and can't meet anyone locally? You clearly have some barriers to real life dating and choose to live in a fantasy world. 

Well it's not about meeting, it's about finding the person you like, we really liked each other and want to know more that's why, i can littrally find any boy locally but it's really hard to trust

2 minutes ago, Lambert said:

No.  What you described sounds a little stalkerish.  Why would you want to continue with a guy that you have not met and is not interested in meeting you? He told you flat out he is not interested.  Move on.

I am not stalkerish, i am not saying i am desperate to continue, but i will not that regret that I've ended something over text

Just now, Andrina said:

If a person messaging you doesn't ask to meet up within two weeks, you're merely wasting time with a pen pal. If you regularly choose to answer messages from men too far away to regularly meet, again, you're wasting your time.

Dating locally with guys you can actually enjoy a companionship with--someone who  wants to get together a couple of times a week--that should be your goal.

Your intensity with someone you never met is alarming, though. Be more realistic about dating in a normal pace with a wait-and-see attitude. It takes at least 3 or 4 months to even know if you want to be exclusive with someone, and if you match in all the major ways. And then you have to get past this honeymoon phase to see the real person emerge over time. 

He was asking to meet me but i had exams so we had to postpone it, and i am not much interested in travel so i postpone it again and he was planning it then he got busy. So yeah we were trying to meet

47 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

Sorry this happened, but this is the highest of uphill battles!  You would only end up embarrassing the both of you.   

Move on with your life with more confidence.
 

Well I'll be more embarassed if i didn't try, i just want to meet and have some clarity, i am just scared that he will not show up or something, 

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont think you understand. You already had a fallout before you even met. There is simply no need for him to see you or for you to see him.

I am trying to understand but what if he meets and appreciate me that i have travel all the way to just meet him and maybe we can work this out

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I wouldn't risk further contact.  He is not interested in you and you are interested in yourself -getting "closure" -give yourself closure without burdening him with more messages/contact from you -let him go in peace. You do the same.

I am sorry but why do you think i am interested in getting closure? I just want to meet that all, i wanna try best from my side it's really easy to say but hard to do i hope you will understand 

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

No!

You are not an item. Heck you are in a fight and broken things up before it even started. What makes you think he would be anything else but annoyed if you go out to see him?

Well ill just call him that do you want to meet me? If he says yes I'll be okay, if he says no I'll be okay too

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

No, absolutely do NOT go. 

He’s been very clear that he is not interested and does not want to date you. Showing up unannounced and uninvited is not going to end well for you. 

Respect his choice and leave him alone now, for good. No more contact at all. 

But i am having regret that i did not met and ending this over a text , atleast i can have a closure