iggy3200

On 8/16/2022 at 8:27 PM, catfeeder said:

You've raised concerns about your mutual friends being influenced by this guy, Why is that? Have you discussed this with your other friends, and where do they stand?

I'm concerned about the mutual friends because I don't want them to be influenced away from me - that's likely just my own doubts in myself.  I'm sure they'll understand and stick by me regardless.  They're not stupid - they know the person is "very intense".  I haven't discussed it with other friends, I think I'm just going to take the "I haven't talked to him in awhile" like another user suggested.

I should also mention I'm a registered nurse with some psychiatric experience, so I partly felt like I could help him.  I definitely know all about the benefits & side effects of bipolar medication, a lot of you are quite well educated on the topic!  Either way, it is his responsibility to seek help and mine to distance myself if someone is untreated and erratic.

Edit: I should also mention he knows some of my deep secrets, I was worried he would try to use those secrets to try to wreck my relationship with my girlfriend.

24 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

It's not as though a confrontation would accomplish anything. Nobody who's fallen into instability and mistreatment of others will respond with welcoming arms to such a discussion.

He's not going to suddenly straighten up and fly right.

The fade avoids such an unnecessary interaction. You can still be kind whenever your paths cross, but in those cases, I'd also make an early exit wherever he shows up until your mutual friends learn their own lesson and stop inviting him to gatherings.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Last year I had to let go a friend with similar problems after a lifelong friendship. Some people are best loved from far away, as their raging can end in a life-changing event that you don't want to be near.

Head high.

I agree.  The confrontation could upset him and make him say things to me and others that are harmful.  It's not going to change who he is.  A fade avoids his anger and spares me some pain.  I will be kind if he is around but will make an early exit if he does show up.  I think you're right - end it before it gets to the point where serious damage is being done.

As fudgie said, bipolar being treated with weed is no solution. It doesn't treat the underlying cause - can just make it worse.  I'll let him figure out a treatment for himself, he tried the bipolar meds and he doesn't like how it makes him feel "subdued".  I told him that's just how a normal person feels but he wouldn't listen.

Thanks you two, I guess I was thinking of it too much as a relationship to "end".  But that's not necessary.  My instincts to avoid were right, I'll definitely take the fade-out approach and be vague, avoid and brush him off.

I'm 37 and my friend is 33, we've had some good times.  He is very active likes to bike, kayak etc so I've enjoyed him helping me get out.

He's been diagnosed with bipolar but refuses to medicate himself properly; he uses marijuana instead despite my expressed concerns.  In the past he verbally and almost physically abused a female acquaintance of mine he was dating; they broke up and he lost a another friend because of how he was acting.  He tried to kill himself shortly after that breakup by closing his eyes while driving drunk and hitting a telephone pole.

I've noticed lately he's becoming more intense and insulting others and myself recently, becoming more competitive.  My girlfriend notices that I'm miserable after hanging out with him.  I want to end the friendship.  We share some mutual friends but I think those people would understand if I wanted to go my separate ways.

Another example: one evening recently we were at the bar and he insulted my by saying "I wouldn't stand up for myself" so to prove myself, I arm wrestled someone and won.  He immediately chided others to say I cheated.  He even called over another drunk patron to try and goad me into an arm wrestling re-match despite me repeatedly refusing because my arm felt sore from the prior match.  I felt really betrayed and was in a really bad mood for about 3 days.  I know that I played down to his level by arm-wrestling someone but I felt backed into a corner and I knew my own physical strength would back me up.

He's been phoning me but I've been avoiding him.  I know that I shouldn't delay conflict, but I'm frankly kind of terrified of him retaliating and trying to wreck my other relationships.  How do I deal with this?

Thank you for reading.